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What the HECK?/Intro- AWA Team Challenge Series #2!
Back for more of the AWA Team Challenge Series era. Tape number 2 in series of..
I Don't Know How Many. With so much going on, let's get down to ringside!
Clips of a recent AWA Tag Team Title match between Champions the Destruction Crew
and the Fantastics. The Fantastics hit their double-team tumble-bomb on
Enos, then "Luscious" Johnny Valiant runs in to break the count. Valiant whips out
a foreign object and begins wailing on the Fantastics. The D-crew joins in
until Jerry Blackwell arrives to make the save. At ringside, the Fantastics and Blackwell
have UNKIND WORDS for the champs, demanding a six-man match.
In this case, the Fantastics were Bobby and Jackie
Fulton. In the promo, Bobby mentions "and Tommy Rogers is #3".
Special Announcement from Verne Gagne. Verne is wearing a red Gilligan shirt
and announces that Johnny Valiant must get in the ring with the Destruction Crew in an upcoming
six-man tag match against the Fantastics and "a partner of their chosing".
Match 1: Magnificent Mimi (Team Slaughter) vs. Candi Devine (Team Baron)
More from the Secured Environment, which means Nick Bockwinkel and
Lee Marshall supply the voices. This is not the editted Mimi match
with the naughty intro. Stall to start until Devine cinches a hammerlock.
Mimi grabs Devine's leg to break and Devine counters with a monkeyflip and..gasp..
a hairpull! Devine works the stomach claw until Mimi counters with a head scissors.
Both roll around on the floor for awhile while Nick Bockwinkel gets his obligatory
line about "pound for pound, the women hit harder than the men". Devine gets her own
head scissors and hops up for a tap, I mean clothesline off the ropes. Devine comes off the
second rope with a splash. Mimi rolls away partially and the splash grazes.
Devine comes back with a Boston crab and the two go into a mat sequence. Devine gets
a body scissors on Mimi and rolls her around, almost like Hector Guererro.
Mimi breaks and applies a full nelson, a monkeyflip and step-over
toe hold. Devine reverses the toe-hold into a Regal Stretch kinda thing.
Mimi whips Devine to the ropes and tries to deliver a... piledriver?! Move
is blown and results in a half-ass reverse slam. Bell sounds for the time limit draw,
meaning each lady has earned one point for her team.
Match 2: Fantastics (Jackie & Bobby Fulton) & Jerry Blackwell vs. Destruction Crew (Mike Enos & Wayne Bloom) & Johnny Valiant (w/Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie)
From the arena, with Greg Gagne and Ralph Strangis on the call. Yes, I finally figured out
who "Ralph Somebody" was. You may have heard of this guy, he went on
the become the play-by-play man for the NHL's Minnesota NorthStars!
He stayed with the team when they moved to Dallas, and still holds
that position to this day. In other words, he's a
credible broadcaster. Where wuz' I? Oh yeah...this is
NOT a TCS match.
And yes, it is somewhat odd that the Sheik is out there. Valiant starts with Blackwell and
gets the upperhand with a Shemp Stooge Eye-Boink. Valiant goes for a slam, but
obviously can't finish it. Blackwell clubs away and tosses Valiant into the corner.
Fantastics tag in and out, working on Valiant's arm. Jackie with a flying clothesline
for 2. Valiant knees Jackie and tags in Wayne Bloom. Bloom chokes on the ropes, until
Jackie escapes and tags Bobby. Fantasti-Punch-a-mania time. Bobby gets a flying head
scissors and take down on both D-Crew members. Triple team and the Fantastic hold
open Bloom's legs for a crotch-slam from Blackwell! Ow. Jackie returns with a step-over toehold
Bobby comes in, continues to work the leg and does that nifty leglock/bridge
move. Bloom escapes and Enos walks right into a leg takedown.
Fantastic work on Enos's legs for a few minutes and the obligatory BIG SPLASH
from Blackwell. Bobby takes Enos to the mat and applies a bow-and-arrow
submission hold! Jackie tags in and applies the octopus on Bloom.
Valiant makes it back in and gets rolled up by Bobby for 2.
Fantastics double drop-kick the heels and then all six men enter the ring
for a Pier Four Brawl. Sheik attacks Blackwell and I'm sure all of
3 people didn't see THAT one coming. Bell sounds to DQ the Crew and Valiant
for outside interference. Fantastic double team Wayne Bloom, with an atomic
drop on a steel chair. Faces pose on the chair with the Crew's tag-team belts.
Match 3: Jake "The Milkman" Milliman & "Hard Rock" Paul Diamond vs.
Col. DeBeers & "Sensei" Pat Tanaka
Back to the Secured Environment, and it's apparently NOT a TCS match.
See, this is the "REVENGE" match from the Great American Turkey Hunt..DeBeers
wanted to get Milliman in the ring...
further proof that the Turkey Hunt wasn't the "last -ever AWA match".
Tanaka starts with Diamond and instantly tags in DeBeers.
DeBeers applies an armbar and Diamond reverses into a hammerlock.
Diamond off the ropes with a shoulderblock and takes DeBeers to the mat.
DeBeers gets in a few shots to the eyes (typical AWA "heel takes
over move") and tags Tanaka. Chops and headbutts a-plenty. Diamond is
whipped to the ropes and hits a big forearm to send Tanaka packing.
DeBeers returns with a backbreaker, slam and a reverse splash off the
second rope for 2. Tanaka returns for more chopping and headbutting.
Diamond with a kneelift and he finally tags in Jake Milliman.
DeBeers wants in and walks into a clubberin' from the Milkman.
Slam from Milliman for a 2 count! DeBeers takes over with.. you guessed it..
a shot to the eyes! He rams Milliman to the turnbuckle,
then applies a flapjack/pedigree type of move to get the pin.
DeBeers steps on Jake's head as he leaves the ring. Jake whines
"my head hurts! my head hurts!" as they cut away.
Greg Gagne and Ralph Strangis mention that the fans have a say in the future of the
Secured Enivronment! Call the AWA Wrestling Hotline at
1-900-896-2100 (95 cents a call) and tell 'em if they should
keep or kill the Secured Environment. Somewhere, Batman editor
Denny O'Neil smiled...and the ghost of Jason Todd smirked.
Match 4: Martial Arts Match:
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..but, are eye-pokes legal? |
"Sensei" Pat Tanaka (Sarge's Snipers) vs. Masa Saito (Larry's Legends)
An arena match and since it's slightly gimmicked, it
must be a TCS match! Saito is a "wildcard" member of Larry's team.
In this case, "Martial Arts Match" means that chops to the throat
are acceptable. Saito shrugs off Tanaka's attacks and beats the tar out of him.
Including two STIFF shots to Tanaka's solar plexus. Tanaka bails for a bit and when he
returns takes over with.. yup, the EYE POKE! Chops and a kick to the back of Saito's
knee. Saito responds with a headbutt, chops, a snap suplex, backdrop and an armbar
submission hold. Saito pulls him up and delivers more chops
and two headbutts. Tanaka gets in a shot to the throat and irishwhips Saito to the
corner. Saito charges out with a big clothesline and applies
a belly-to-back suplex to get the pin.
Cut to the following week of All-Star Wrestling.
Greg and Ralph tell us that the fans have spoken, and that the Secured Enviroment
is no more! Greg mentions that he saw a $6,000 bill on Ralph's phone number.
Ralph sez "oh, those calls weren't to the Wrestling Hotline". Funny.
It's time for Larry-Land! "Ho, Ho, Ho, Spudheads!" Larry is proud of Saito
then runs down Nikita Koloff. Since it's December, Larry launches into a hilarious
anti-Xmas tirade. "Why buy your kids junk, when you could have waited until
the 26th and gotten it for half-price?". Larry rules, by the way.
Match 5: AWA World Heavyweight Championship:
Larry Zbyszko(c) vs. Nikita Koloff
I suppose that unless it's specified, all matches from here on out are from
arena shows. Courtesy of ESPN, match is joined-in-progress with Larry
working a front facelock to the mat. Nikita powers up and Larry counters
with a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Nikita tries clubbing out, but Larry goes to
...yup, the EYES! Larry chokes him into the corner, gets another 2, then applies
an abdominal stretch. Nikita breaks with a hiptoss. Since he's already gone to the eyes,
Larry does the other EVIL HEEL move- kicks the back of the knee.
Minimal offesne from Nikita is countered by ANOTHER eye-poke. Nikita rolls out
and staggers around ringside (wow, some eye-poke). Nikita returns with a shot to
the tummy, snapmare, but misses an elbowdrop. Larry goes for a slam, but
Nikita counters with a small package for 2. Larry misses a dropkick and Nikita
hits an overhead suplex for 2. In desparation, Larry whips Nikita to the turnbuckle
and both men are down. Larry whips again, and this time Nikita comes out of
the corner with YARRRRRGH, the Russian Sickle! 2 count and Nikita goes downstairs.
Atommic drop, but Larry has his foot on the ropes. Larry rolls out to ringside,
grabs the Heavyweight belt and brains Nikita with it. Instant DQ. Well, that
was worthless. Eric Bischoff is at ringside to get a few words from
a growling Nikita.
Match 6: Slam Match: "Yukon" John Nord (Baron's Blitzers) vs. Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie (Larry's Legends)
More TCS fun! Both captains are at ringside. This was supposed
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"I'm okay..." |
to be Kokina Maximus, but "his plane was delayed", so Sheik
has to fill in. Bob Ryan, the AWA's "legal counsel" is
there to make the official declaration.
You win by.. slamming your opponent. Awwww.. tricky.
Dig Nord's mountain man/lumberjack hat! Ralph mentions
that this is Nord's return to the AWA, and that he was previously managed by
the Sheik. Continuity?! In pro wrestling?! Nord gets off a few wolf howls to
begin...I'm guessing that was supposed to be sorta like Jim Duggan's "hooooo"!
Ehhhh, just something for the bored fans to yell. This match has a lot of 'em...
BORED fans, not necessarily FANS. Puncky/kicky, but Nord hits a big boot and a
shoulderblock
to send Sheik packing. Larry distracts Nord, allowing Shiek to sneak in and hit
some menacing back scratches! Well, at least he's not yelling Nord's
name as he does that...that'd be REALY disturbing. Oh yes, the obligatory EYE POKE makes
an appearance. Sheik chops the throat, then
tries to slam Nord to no avail. Nord reverses an arm-wringer and chases Sheik out of the ropes,
around ringside. Nord nails Larry along the way. Sheik runs back in, but Baron Von Raschke
is up to threaten him with the CLAW! Sheik turns around and walks right into
a powerslam from Nord. Nord wins, obviously. Wow, I know this was a substitute match,
but where's the suspense in a "Slam Match" between John Nord and the Sheik? No truth to
the rumor that this was followed up with an "eye poke match". This may have been the worst
match I've seen since Andre the Giant vs. Ultimate Warrior.
Match 7: Football Clash:
Trooper (Baron's Blitzers) vs. "Mean" Mike Enos (Larry's Legends, w/ Larry Z)
Special Referee: "Benchwarmer" Bob Lurtsema
Oh boy. This is pure insanity. Of course it's a TCS match! Both Enos and Trooper are decked out
in Minnesota Vikings jerseys and helmets. Trooper has a home jersey, while Enos has a road jersey.
Bob Lurtsema played for the Vikes in the 70's, and I guess he was trying to
become the local football equivalent of Bob Eucker. Lee Marshall and
Lurtsema get on the mike and try to explain the rules. It's pretty simple, there's
two "goal lines" and lacrosse goals in each corner. There's a "line of scrimmage"
in the middle of the ring. Each player has 45 seconds to cross the opposing goal and score
a point. First one to five points wins.
It's sort of like the old American Gladiators "Breakthrough and Conquer"
game. Only with pads. And in a wrestling ring. And with a ref. And helmets
and shoulderpads... and, oh forget it!!
Lurtsema starts rambling about his "penalty" flags and how he can penalize
each particpant, forcing them to move back about 6 inches from the "line of scrimmage".
Good thing he explained this crap, because the penalty flags NEVER COME INTO PLAY. Lurtsema even
sounds like Howard Stern's buddy Elephant Boy.
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AWA Super Tecmo Bowl |
"Match" begins with a jump ball. Enos shoves Trooper to steal the ball, so Lurtsema shoves
Enos. Trooper is given the ball and quickly scores. Enos gets the ball and
is dropped by Trooper. Trooper with an atomic drop and time expires for Enos. Hey, this is
sort of like that "NFL Blitz" video game!
Trooper's turn as he backdrops through Enos and scores again. Enos is flattened
and fumbles. Trooper picks up the fumble and scores to go up by 3-0. Lurtsema decides to
shove Enos some more and announces that Enos will
be disqualified if he bails to consult with Larry Z. For some reason,
Trooper has the ball again. Enos stops him with a drop toehold, a flying helmet-butt to
the knee, recovers the ball and finally scores. Trooper hobbles around, selling the knee
injury for his next two posessions. Enos stops him both times and scores to tie it at 3-3.
Enos tosses Trooper out through the ropes and scores to take the lead.
Trooper returns with a helmet-butt, goes in low and plows through Enos to
tie it at 4. Enos immediately tosses Trooper over the top rope. Lurtsema
floors Enos with a takedown, knocking the ball loose. A hobbling Trooper
crawls back in the ring, grabs the ball and lunges into the goal to win the clash!
But those penalty flags? Well, somewhere Vince McMahon was thinking
"hmm.. I'll save that idea for six years, for when I do RAW BOWL!". Before I forget,
Trooper rolls out for an Eric Bishcoff interview at ringside. Troop
brags about his collegiate football background.
Video package of the Russian Brute. Sgt. Slaughter has put his career on the line against him.
Video is to the tune of Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker". Why Pat Benatar? Cuz'
someone lost the AWA's Soft Cell tape. By the way, I have no idea
who the Brute is, or what became of him.
Match 8: Beauty & Beast Mixed-Tag Match
Col. DeBeers & Magnificent Mimi (Sarge's Snipers) vs. Baron Von Raschke & Candi Devine (Baron's Blitzers)
Traditional mixed tag rules. Apparently, this is the result of the Fan Line! Mimi and Candi start and trade takedowns and leglocks. Mimi gets a catapult..and some other stuff, but I'm distracted by her pink bodysuit. Ralph mentions that Candi Devine is now the AWA Women's Champion, having "won a tournament up in Canada" when Wendi Richter retired. Well, at least the tournament wasn't in Rio de Janeiro. DeBeers and Von Roaschke tag in. Baron threatens the CLAW and DeBeers bails. Baron works the arm and DeBeers smashes him into
the turnbuckle. Baron threatens the CLAW again and DeBeers tags out.
Devine works a boston crab, but Mimi reverses as the two trade counters
and 2 counts. Baron tries to enter, allowing DeBeers and Mimi to doubleteam Devine with a choke. Mimi gets a slam, monkeyflip, flying elbow and a 2 count. Mimi and Devine get into the Ultimate Hair-Pull Challenge. Mimi steps in and hiptosses Devine over. Devine tries to bounce off the ropes, but DeBeers get a HAIRPULL to halt things.
That brings the Baron into the ring. Ref is distracted with the Baron, while Devine gets a small package on Mimi. DeBeers sneaks in, reverses, and allows Mimi to get the pin.
Ralph and Greg tell us that YOU can call in and vote for IMPORTANT ISSUES of the AWA! Should instant replay be used? Who should be the Wrestler of the Year for 1989?! I'm sure a few sarcastic fans wasted the 95 cents to call in and say "Ric Flair".
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..and you thought PowerPoint graphics were bad! |
Verne and Bischoff are in the sudio with a special tribute to former NFL great
and pro-wrestler
Bronco Nagurksi. Nagurski had recently passed away and gets about five minutes of
non-cheesy dedication. They show a few snapshots of Nagurski's wrestling days, including
one alongside his tag partner, Verne Gagne.
Match 9: Taped Fists Match
Sgt. Slaughter (Sarge's Snipers) vs. The Russian Brute (Baron's Blitzers w/Ox Baker)
Taped fists are legal. Last time I saw this gimmick was with Iceman King Parsons and One Man Gang! Really means nothing..I just feel cool getting in an Iceman reference! Brute is wearing a red t-shirt and camouflage pants. Greg tells us the camouflage pants are to "confuse Slaughter or the referee!" How clever... a crafty heel should've worn yellow pads when fighting Hulk Hogan! Greg also gets in a "Yo Joe!"
Lockup and Brute misses a right hand. Sarge with 3 kneelifts, whip,
elbow to the tummy, snapmare and a belly stomp. Brute chops, headbutts and
goes to..yup, the EYES! Chokes Sarge on the ropes, and distracts the ref
so Ox can get a few shots in. Must have been "free Mini Bat Night" at the Twins game recently, 'cuz Ox has a little baseball bat with him. Brute slams Sarge on the ropes and gets 2. Brute misses a charge into the turnbuckle, hitting his knee. Sarge tries working the knee, but
Brute goes to..the EYES! Irishwhip and backdrop from the Brute. More pounding and Ox wants the Heart-Punch. Brute goes for it, and Slaughter blocks..three times. Brute says screw it and goes back to choking. Slaughter reverses and hooks in the COBRA CLUTCH! He breaks to go after Ox, who has jumped up on the apron. Brute attacks from behind. Sarge ducks, and Ox errantly nails the Brute. Sarge covers for the 3 count pin. Post-bell shenanigans has Ox and Brute pound away and choke out Sarge. Team captain Baron Von Raschke runs in to call his men off. Eric Bischoof interviews Sarge and Baron at ringside. They say that their friendship is off until the TCS is over.
Match 10: One-Armed Bandit Match:
"Yukon" John Nord (Baron's Blitzers) vs. Col. DeBeers (Sarge's Snipers w/ Sheik Adnan AL-Kaissie)
The ol' "one armed tied behind the back" gimmick for each guy. In Nords' case, it's sort of "arm tied to side pocket". The Sheik has offered DeBeers "alot of money" if he can take-out Yukon John. Oh yes, the Sheik shall have his revenge for the Slam Match!
Guys trade arm-wringers, chops and shoulderblocks to start.
DeBeers tries a one-armed slam and can't do it. Nord connects with
his. Whips DeBeers to the ropes and hits a dropkick. DeBeers then goes to..the EYES! Punch and kick for most of the match. Nord gets a charging kick to knock DeBeers out through the ropes. Shiek comes over and unties DeBeers' arm. DeBeers is back in and instantly gets his arms caught in the ropes. Nord charges for another kick and misses, tumbling over the top. Sheik and the two-armed Colonel start attacking. Bell sounds for the DQ..either for outside interference or DeBeers breaking the one-armed rule. Nord stop selling and "Nords Up" to clear the ring. That'll get a good "howwwwwllll".
Bischoff meets up with the heels at ringside. Sheik refuses to give DeBeers any money, but before that can go any further, team captain Sgt. Slaughter is out to scold DeBeers for losing this match AND the Turkey Hunt. He's also upset that DeBeers is dealing with "this SCUM", the Sheik. DeBeers grabs Sheik's briefcase and nails Sarge.
Why'd You Tape This??
Wow, this was really bad. At no time did a heel take the offensive by countering...
he had to use the EYEPOKE! Only exception would be Mimi.... if she's the highpoint,
then I suppose I have no problem with that. You might say the Fantastics match was allright..
but it was too formulaic: hit one unique move, then go to the usual irish-whip stuff.
The Football Clash is a clunker, but interesting in a trainwreck sorta' way.
The Slam Match with Sheik and Nord gets my vote for Stupidest Gimmick Match Ever.
If Kokina was there, it'd be an okay gimmick... but when the sub is the
220 pound Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie, a freaking MANAGER!?! How hard would it have been
to change the gimmick? At least Bobby Heenan
had some Weasel Suit matches...that's somewhat unique...but how is slamming a 220 pound
58 year old unique or challenging? That's standard behavior for most
employees at a retirement home.
I think we're well past the halfway point, now. I could have sworn that
the Texas Hangmen are on here, somewhere. I'm not sure how many more matches are left,
but the tape looks about 60% finished. Come back soon for PART 3! I'm sure we'll
have MORE Colonel DeBeers matches! And Mimi, too...
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