SPORTS-(RASSLIN)
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What the HECK?/Intro- Rasslin Tape 11 (Fall 1990)
This tape will cover the 1990 SummerSlam and all the fun stuff that
followed. Like the previous tape, tape 10, I don't believe I've watched
this stuff since I taped it. It has a certain air of goofiness about it,
and the WWF seemed to stay on this track until Ric Flair arrived in
Summer 1991. We start things off with the 1990 version of SummerSlam,
live from the Philadelphia Spectrum. As usual, I save the blow-by-blows for
the non-PPV matches.
Before the matches begin, we cut to the announcers' podium, where
Vince McMahon has just introduced his new partner- "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, and
the crowd apparently approves.
If I remember correctly, Vince had just parted ways with Jesse "The Body"
Ventura. I think Jesse had a Nintendo video game deal set up for himself, and Vince was pissed
that the WWF wasn't set to receive any royalties from it. Similar to the
situation with Sgt. Slaughter and Hasbro in 1985. In retrospect, you
have to question that, because I don't recall ever seeing a "Jesse Ventura
Video Wrestling Game". But Jesse had long been a real-life thorn in Vince's side, ever
since he tried to unionize the wrestlers right before WrestleMania 2. As it is, Jesse's
gone... and my dream team of Gorilla and the Jesse is no more. I was excited to
see the motormouth Piper, at first. But, as we'll see, Piper quickly became
awful in a job that seemed perfectly suited for him.
SS Match 1- Rockers vs. Power and Glory (w/Slick)
(Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty vs. Hercules and Paul Roma)
This match was set up by some sort of misunderstanding after Roma lost a match on
"Superstars". Herc and Roma attack before the bell and demolish
Michaels's knee. For this brief moment, Herc and Roma were My
Favorite Wrestlers Ever. Piper analyzes every manuever as :
"oh, now THAT's a good move!". He drops about five more good move bombs before
the match ends. Essentially a handicap match as
Power and Glory perform the power-plex on Marty to get the easy win.
Roma stands over him with one foot for an easy 3-count. The Philly fans
approve.
Mean Gene Okerlund is backstage with Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan. Heenan makes
comments about how "all a Texas Tornado ever does is knock over a few trailer parks.."
Remember, nobody beats Mr. Perfect..nobody. Wasn't that stolen from Meineke ads?
After Perfect enters the ring, we cut over to Sean Mooney, who is with
Kerry Von Erich. I never noticed it before, but Kerry's eyes are funny.
SS Match 2- WWF Intercontinental Championship: Mr. Perfect (c) (w/Bobby Heenan) vs.
"The Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich
A pretty boring match, but a cool moment as Kerry wins the belt. Sort of
validated the old World Class bunch and put Kerry in the national spotlight,
finally. For the third year in a row, the defending Intercontinental champ
does not make it out of SummerSlam.
Mean Gene is once again backstage, but his expected guest has NOT shown up.
Everybody wants to know: "where is Sweet Sapphire?" Heenan and Perfect
run in, complaining about their loss. Very similar to the Heenan/Rude tirade
from the year before.
SS Match 3- Sweet Sapphire vs. Sensational Queen Sherri
Holy shit! That's Psicosis in the ring! Cool, I never knew the WWF
had cruiserweights back then! Oh wait...that's not Psicosis, it's just
Sherri with a weird-ass mask. Sapphire's music starts up three times, but
she never appears. Finally, Howard Finkel issues a 30-second ultimatum.
Sapphire nevers shows, and Sherri wins by forfeit.
Mean Gene is in the back, with Dusty Rhodes. Dusty explains that
somebody's been sending "Sweet Sapphy" elegant gifts over the past few
weeks. When they showed up at the arena, Sapphy suddenly disappeared.
Dusty asks Hacksaw Jim Duggan if he's seen Sapphy. He hasn't, but
Duggan promises us that he and the other guys will keep looking. If only
"The Stalker" Barry Windham was around to help track her down.
SS Match 4- Tito Santana vs. The Warlord (w/Slick)
Piper: "I'm not gonna call Santana a bean-eater or a taco-vendor.."
Tito hits the flying forearm, but Warlord gets his foot on the rope.
Warlord eventually scores the 3 count pin with the running powerslam.
Mean Gene is with Demolition, while Sean Mooney interviews the Hart Foundation.
Bret mentions "I thought it was gonna be the two most experienced members of
Demolition- Ax and Smash. But now that we know it's Smash and Crush.." A minute later,
Bret mentions that he's looking forward to stepping in the ring with "Ax and Crush".
Then, in one of the most UN-intimidating lines of all time, Hart sez: "It's like
Phil Collins said... what we've got here is two hearts, beating as one". Damn, you
just DON'T sound tough when you quote Phil Collins, while wearing a pink
Sgt. Peppers jacket.
SS Match 5: WWF Tag Team Championship: Demolition (c) vs. The Hart Foundation
(Smash and Crush vs. Bret "Hitman" Hart and Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart)
Crush connects with the Demolition Decapitation to pin Hart and grab the first fall.
The Demos get DQ'd for the second fall, and the third fall sees Ax
get involved. Ax sneaks in, unnoticed and his brings out the Legion of Doom.
Crush is distracted and gets rolled up from behind by Bret Hart for the titles.
Score this as the first shot in the LOD-Demolition "Paint Wars".
Intermission time. So let's all go to the lobby and get ourselves a snack. Several promos
run about Wrestlemania 7 coming to the Los Angeles Coliseum and "Shattering ALLLLL
attendance records!!' When will that be, again?
SS Match 6: Jake "The Snake" Roberts (W/Damien) vs. Bad News Brown w/ 100 lbs. of Harlem Sewer Rats
Special Ref: Big Bossman
Before the match, we get to see one of Bad News's "Harlem Sewer Rats", which looks
strangely like a sedated possum. He then carries the "rats" to the ring in
a covered cage. I LOVE Bad News, but this is a horrible match.
Bossman DQ's Bad News in what would be the latter's final WWF match. Tough way to
end it.
SS Match 7: Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Nikolai Volkov vs. Orient Express (w/Mr. Fuji)
(Sato & Tanaka)
Quick squash match with Hacksaw and Nikolai scoring the win.
SS Match 8: Dusty Rhodes vs. "Macho King" Randy Savage (w/Sister Queen Sherri)
But before the match begins...wait a minute, what's this? Ted DiBiase appears
on the interview platform and reveals that he's the one who's been sending Sapphire
the luxurious gifts. Sapphire comes out in a fur coat and a bag o' money.
DiBiase gets off a great cackle as he departs. Rhodes is
distracted and gets pinned by Macho, then runs backstage to try and catch
DiBiase's departing limo. Limo hi-jinks that pre-dated the Monday Night Wars!
SS Match 9- Hulk Hogan (w/Big Bossman) vs. Earthquake (w/Jimmy Hart and Dino Bravo)
Another pre-match interview is shown with Hogan and Bossman. Feel sorry for the live crowd,
since this was well before the use of Jumbotrons. As it is, half the show's been
interviews. Standard Hogan vs. Evil Juggbutt match, but Earthquake had to have been one
of the better Evil Juggbutts. Most of his offense consists of punches and elbowdrops, but
he actually connects off the top rope with a forearm! Later, he cinches in a boston crab.
Bossman and Bravo get involved early, as the faces do a double-team big boot to the heels.
Hogan tries a flying bodypress at one point, and I'm somewhat impressed. Quake drops ass on Hogan
and then, in a shocking turn of events, Hogan kicks out of the finisher at 2! Bravo and Hart interfere
and the fight spills out to ringside. Hogan slams Quake onto a ringside table, then
rolls back in to grab the count-out victory. Heels attack after the bell and Quake slaps Hogan
into a bearhug. Bossman grabs a step-stool and smacks Quake with a STIFF chair shot. Several times.
Quake's bruises
are immediately visible and his skin's almost broken. The heels retreat, with Quake
shouting menacing words at our heroes. From the look of things,
Quake might have been legitimately pissed- but that's just speculation.
Interviews abound to fill time while the ring crew builds the cage. Sean Mooney
gets a few words with Rick Rude and the Brain, while Mean Gene interviews Dusty Rhodes.
Dusty sez people have been asking him "when are ya gonna get mean, Big Dust?!".
Then it's a segment with Lord Alfred Hayes, who's down at ringside to detail the
cage construction.
Back to Mean Gene who's with Hulk Hogan, for a semi-historic interview.
Hogan announces the new FOURTH demandment of Hulkamania, brothers- "believe in
yourself". Hogan mentions that he's going to ride the "title wave" all over
the country to beat Earthquake and become the #1 contender, again. Our Pal
Sean Mooney is over with the Quake, Jimmy Hart and Dino Bravo. Quake shows off his welts
and Bravo babbles incoherently. Strangely enough, Bravo appears to have the bigger
beer belly of the two Evil Canadians.
SS Match 10- WWF Championship Steel Cage Match: Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Ravishing Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan)
For some reason, this cage match is special: there's three ways to win. Over the top,
through the door or...pin your opponent. Rude tries to escape early, but Warrior yanks him down.
It looks like Rude may have slipped and accidentally busted open his head on the top of the cage.
Rude comes off the top of the cage with a forearm in the match's high spot. Warrior
hits the gorilla press, big splash, then climbs over the cage to win it. On his way down, Warrior
stops and mocks Rude's gyrations. Warrior gets to celebrate for about 40 seconds until the
show goes off the air. End of SummerSlam broadcast.
Random Match 1: Nikolai Volkov vs. Dino Bravo (w/Jimmy Hart)
From "Primetime Wrestling" with Lord Alfred Hayes and Sean Mooney on the sticks.
Alfred quickly slips into his new "stupid heel announcer" gimmick and
decalres that Bravo's two and half year old bench press attempt was, in fact,
a world record. He doesn't even have a funny reason for this. Nikolai, by
the way, still has his Boy Scout medal. Bravo attacks Nikolai
from behind as the bell sounds. He punches... and kicks. Nikolai turns the tide and
HE punches... and kicks. Bravo punches, kicks and get a belly-to-back suplex.
Nikolai "punches" Bravo into the turnbuckle by gently placing his "fists"
on Bravo's tummy. Jimmy Hart distracts the ref, and Bravo gets a megaphone shot in.
He squats down on top of Nikolai and punches away. This horrible injustice is
enough to bring Tugboat tooting out from the back. Tugboat attacks Bravo and
chases him off, drawing a DQ for Nikolai. Tugboat helps Nikolai to his feet...and
I suddenly realize something VERY stupid about Nikolai...
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The Lithuanian separatist...with a RUSSIAN emblem |
Nikolai's gimmick at this time was built around harmony between the US and
Russia. His jacket, hat and trunks were even adorned with intertwined
US and Russian flags. RUSSIAN flags, with the hammer and sickle. Nevermind
that Nikolai was suddenly announced as being from LITHUANIA in May 1990.
Lithuania, the little Baltic state that wanted to SECEDE from Russia. So why the Russian
flag?? Why would a Lithuanian carry around
the flag of the country he's trying to separate from?
This is like a guy with a USA gimmick carrying a British flag. Oh well, it's
just LOGIC IN WRESTLING.
Saturday Night's Main Event Broadcast (September 1990)
Season premiere of what would be the last season of SNME on NBC. Instead of
starting off with promos from opposing wrestlers, we see a shot of Lanny Poffo
dancing around an Oktoberfest party. A tape break and someone off-screen yells "you're on" and
we cut to Vince McMahon running down the card. Vince brings in Roddy Piper, all
dressed up in German suspenders. Yup, this is the famous "Oktoberfest" themed
episode of SNME... I can only hope that I taped all the segments and skits.
SNME Match 1: Legion of Doom (Hawk & Animal) and Ultimate Warrior vs. Demolition
(Ax, Smash and Crush)
Now we get the teaser interviews. Demoliton growls while Crush almost blows his
lines. Over to the LOD, where Hawk gives THE GREATEST PROMO OF ALL-TIME.
Hawk: "Demolition.. you say we cost ya the tag team championship. Well..yer right!
So what're ya gonna do about it? Are you gonna cry in your beer? Sob in your
schnitzel? Or whimper over your weenie?" Okay, so on paper it doesn't sound cool..
but Hawk always cracked my shit up. It gets better...suddenly, Ultimate Warrior pops up from
beneath the LOD, chanting "blitzkrieg! blitzkrieg! blitzkrieg! blitzkriiiieeeeg!"
As the teams enter, we're shown Dustin Rhodes in the front row.
Match itself is nothing much as Warrior and Smash work most of it. Almost a squash, but the Demos
get some token offense on Animal. Ax, Crush and the LOD brawl outside the ring while
Warrior gets the big splash on Smash to end it. Afterwards, the LOD hoist the
Warrior up on their shoulders... just like Savage and Liz. You might call this
Round 2 of the Paint Wars.
But before anymore match nonsense, let's throw it to Mean Gene who's at
Oktoberfest. The Hart Foundation, The Genius Lanny Poffo, Hacksaw Jim Duggan,
Akeem, Slick and the Bushwhackers are all on hand to Fest it up. Gene throws
it to Lord Alfred Hayes who's supposed to be interviewing a brewmeister. Alfred
is sipping beer and can't hear his cue.
SNME Match 2: Dusty Rhodes vs. "Macho King" Randy Savage (w/Queen Sherri)
Dusty's entered his semi-serious stage and has traded his yellow polka dots for red ones.
Before the bell, Dusty waddles over and hugs Dustin in the front row.
Macho whips Dusty to the ropes and attempts a hiptoss. Dusty stops, twists it around
and get a backslide for 2. Seriously. The guys trade chops and Macho slaps on an
8 minute chinlock. Seriously. 8 minutes. During the chinlock, Ted DiBiase and Virgil
make their way down to
Dustin's seat, by paying off everyone in the first row. Dustin tries to cheer on his dad,
while DiBiase and Virgil harass him on each side. Dustin finally shoves DiBiase and
a fight errupts. Dustin's knocked over the railing to ringside by the heels. DiBiase
brains him with a wodden chair and Dustin does a patented Rhodes blade job. Dusty
FINALLY breaks out of the chinlock and comes out to protect Dustin. Macho flies off
the apron with a flying axehandle and connects. DiBiase and Virgil continue to attack
the Rhodes family, and Dusty is counted out. A sobbing Dusty flops on top of Dustin to protect
him.
Sean Mooney is backstage with the Mega, errr, the Semi-Powers: Hulk Hogan and Tugboat.
Hulk makes all kinds of vague analogies to anything remotely German. I guess Tugboat's
supposed to be a bad-ass... but it's tough to take him serious in his
sailor get-up. I guess they went with the "Tugboat" gimmick because "Clifford
the Big Red Dog" would have been too intimidating and gotten the WWF in hot
legal water.
SNME Match 3: Hulk Hogan and Tugboat vs. Rhythm n' Blues (Honky Tonk Man and
Greg "the Hammer" Valentine w/Jimmy Hart)
It must be laundry night, cuz Honky's wearing his old trunks with
"Honky Tonk Man" on them. If you need a transcript of this match, I apologize.
Dino Bravo and Earthquake appear in the aisle as
Honky introduces the guitar. Good guys win by DQ. This is a
historic moment..perhaps the only time Honky's
guitar does NOT shatter. Heels rush the ring to attack. Tugboat
gets taken out by a guitar shot...but it takes all five bad guys to take out Hulk.
Earthquake slams Hulk twice, then Honky, Hammer, Jimmy and Dino (sounds like
a lounge act, huh?) hold down Hulk for the big splash. It is a little bizarre
to hear Roddy Piper saying "C'monnnnn, Hulkster" on the call. Tugboat comes to and chases
the baddies off with the guitar. A few more guitar shots and it STILL doesn't break.
Mean Gene is at a cheese factory with the Bushwhackers. Repeat this joke 13 times and
you'll recreate this segment: "Are you cutting the cheese, there?" "Yes, I'm
cutting the cheese". Gene tries throwing to Alred Hayes, who still does not
have his earpiece in. We see that Alfred's emptied four steins of brew, already.
SNME Match 4: WWF Intercontinental Title: "Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich vs. Haku (w/Bobby Heenan)
Kerry goes for the clawhold while Heenan argues. Haku brushes Kerry off, then gets
nailed with the discus punch for the pin. Kerry looks right at Heenan and counts
"1-2-3" as the count is applied. A small move he did countless times in
front of Gary Hart or Gen. Skandar Akbar.
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The Master Sausage Stuffer |
More Oktoberfest fun. Mean Gene is with the Genius, who is the
Master of Ceremonies for the Sausage Stuffing competition.
This is so important that I think it deserves a MATCH TITLE:
SNME Match 5: Sausage Stuffing Challenge: Hart Foundation & Jim Duggan vs.
Orient Express & Mr. Fuji
Nice touch how the Harts went back to their old buddy, Hacksaw, who helped
them out in a 6-man match for the 1989 Royal Rumble. They only went to Hacksaw
when they REALLY needed him. Mr. Fuji pulls out a Hickory Farms sausage and
annouces himself as the winner. Arguing and WHACKINESS ensues.
SNME Match 6: KoKo B. Ware vs. Sgt. Slaughter (w/General Adnan)
Not to sound racist, but KoKo gets in some token offense. Slaughter
takes over and quickly ends it with the terrible Evil Noogie submission hold!
Slaughter and Adnan then bring the Iraqi flag into the ring, but it's
interrupted by Nikolai Volkov who appears on the
interview platform waving the American flag. Slaughter stomps around, frustrated.
Now why he didn't leave the ring and actually attack Nikolai... I guess stomping's
easier.
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Slick and the Anvil get down |
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Head wound Hellwig |
Back to Oktoberfest, where a dance contest between Slick and Jim Neidhart soon
goes awry and turns into the obligatory foodfight. An incident that, no doubt,
inspired the Ntiro Girls feud of late 1999.
Sean Mooney is in the locker room with the Ultimate Warrior who accepts Macho Man's
challenge for the WWF Title. Warrior is wearing either a big-ass headband, or a bandage to hide
his lobotomy scar- you make the call.
Roddy Piper is in the other locker room, with the response from Macho Man and Sister
Queen Sherri. Piper smacks Sherri's caboose as she leaves. And that's
the end of the Very Special OktoberFest Edition of SNME.
Random Match 2: Dustin Rhodes (w/Dusty Rhodes) vs. "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase (w/Virgil and Sapphire)
A direct result of the SNME ringside attack, above. DiBiase stated that Dustin couldn't last
ten minutes in the ring with him, so this is our Very Special Ten Minute Challenge on
Superstars of Wrestling. Dustin
wins if he survives for 10....but what happens if he pins DiBiase?!! Logic in Wrestling....
DiBiase gloats to start and cinches in an overhead wristlock. Dustin reverse and whips DiBiase
to the turnbuckle. Off the ropes and Dustin rolls up DiBiase for 2.
DiBiase rolls to ringside, slapping the mat. Roddy Piper
is on the call and almost has an anuerisym by constantly yelling "How much time!??!!"
Back in and Dustin delivers two powerslams and
a few punches. DiBiase takes over and slaps on a chinlock...well, there goes the ten minutes!
After a good four minutes of chinlocking, DiBiase applies the Million Dollar Dream. Howard Finkel
comes over the house mike and counts down the remaining time. Dustin's arm drops once, twice..
but pauses on the third. Time expires and Dustin wins. It actually was pretty close to 10 minutes.
Random Match 3: Legion of Doom vs. Orient Express (w/Mr. Fuji)
Hawk & Animal vs. Sato & Tanaka
SoW with Vince and Piper.
Sato starts and gets his rear end handed to him, several times. Hawk even hits a
decent gutwrench suplex. Fuji keeps looking back to the locker, and you know something's
up because Vince acknowledges this. Sato is flung across the ring by Animal and
tags Tanaka. Fuji tells Tanaka to "Sa Da Tey" and Tanaka replies with the same.
Whoa... I guess Mr. Fuji is the REAL father of Pootie Tang. ("don't let women
come between you and the CANE, boy!"). Hawk smacks him and gorilla-presses
him over his head. Tag to Animal who cleans house
and signals for the Doomsday Device.
Fuji starts waving like mad and all 3 members of Demolition hit the ring,
clad in their S/M masks. Fuji tosses the cane to Ax, while Smash and Crush hit the
Demolition Decapitation on Animal. All six heels beat on the LOD, drawing the
DQ in a typical 1998 "Nitro Finish"- the show runs out of time as the heels punk
out the faces. Piper whines "No! Noooo! keep the cameras rolling!!"
If you're keeping score at home, I believe this was
Fuji's official reunion with Demolition and also Round 3 of the Paint Wars.
Random Match 4: Tito Santana vs. Rick "The Model" Martel
From Wrestling Challenge with Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan. Heenan has been forced
to apolgize to the Big Bossman's mother, is seen wearing a Bossman hat, and spends most of the match
tripping over his apologies. The match is almost secondary as Gorilla and Brain steal the show.
Martel whips Tito to the turnbuckle and connects with a shot to the head. Both guys fight on the apron until "Blind" Jake Roberts then stumbles down to the ring. He enters and mistakenly attacks Tito.
Bell sounds for the Martel DQ win. But Jake attacked TITO, shouldn't MARTEL lose?
Logic in Wrestling. Jake gets on the house mike and sez: "Martel, I can't see you...
but I can sure as heck SMELL you, brother". Oooo, spooky: Jake has a
white contact in his left eye! Jake and Tito hug as "Love Theme From Jake
Roberts" plays.
Survivor Series Showdown
A special edition of Prime Time Wrestling to hype the upcoming PPV. Same gimmick as
last year- single matches featuring one member from each opposing team. Again,
the opponents were kayfabed as being "randomly selected". Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan
are the hosts and welcome us to Indianapolis. Nice touch as Gorilla breaks
the unofficial WWF rule and
mentions "Brain, you've spent some time here in Indy.." alluding to Heenan's
early career.
SSS Match 1: Tito Santana vs. Sgt. Slaughter (w/Gen. Adnan)
Slaughter pods along for most of the match, hitting Tito with a suplex and
draping him over the top rope. Heenan:
"Ya know, Tito used to be in the Mexican Army. But he was discharged
'cuz someone stole their Buick", and then..."he hit him in the
ol' Burrito Supreme, there." Heenan then goes off on a hilarious Thanksgiving rant
about "lousy football games" and "unbuttoning your pants".. Gorilla "unbuttoning WHAT?!?"
Tito then cinches in a sleeperhold of all things and later hits the flying forearm to knock
Slaughter
between the ropes and out to the floor. He reaches out for a double
noggin knocker on Slaughter and Adnan.
Tito drags Slaughter up to
the ring and tries to suplex him back in, over the ropes. Adnan reaches in
and trips Tito, allowing Slaughter to cover for the pin. Tito chases Sarge up
the aisle and gives him a few shots. Don't look now, but
Slaughter's just fulfilled the WWF Rules of a Title Push. Step 1- beat KoKo B. Ware
(see above). Step 2- beat Tito Santana. Same formula Mr. Perfect
ran through exactly one year prior.
SSS Match 2: Marty Jannety vs. Rick "The Model" Martel
But first, return with us now to those thrilling video highlights of yesterday: we
see the two Brother Love incidents that sparked the Martel/Jake Roberts feud. 1- Martel
tried to spray Damian's bag with Arrogance, but Jake jumped in front to take the bullet
and got an eyeful of the spray. Big Bossman then ran in to make the save (a small
continuity nod to the Jake/Bossman situation from March 1990).
2- A few weeks later, a "blind" Jake returned to Brother Love, mistakenly DDT'd Love
and showed off his new "BLIND" left eye. We even get to hear Vince's hilarious "oh, that
poor man... that poor, poor man" comments.
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"He has all the Stevie Wonder albums.. |
You can hear almost Heenan's thoughts revving up, as he lets out a slew of blind guy jokes.
"Yeah, I heard Jake's going out for dinner after Survivor Series. Nice restuarant and
everything...of course, it'll be a blind date!" "He had an accident the other day, didja
hear what happened? Someone blindsided him... hit him head-on!"
Match begins with both guys feeling the other out. Marty gets a go-behind
armbar, Martel breaks and does some jumping jacks. Martel tries a standing sidelock
on Marty, but now HE breaks and performs some mock jumping jacks. Marty settles
into working on Martel's left ankle/shin. He takes him to the mat and slaps
on an anklelock/toehold for several minutes. Martel powers up, kicks him to the ropes and
attempts a monkeyflip. Marty avoids it by doing a cheerleader cartwheel- "we've
got spirit, yes we do!" Marty takes down Martel and goes right back to the toehold.
Marty gets a top-rope facebuster and then Martel makes a comeback. He sends Marty to
the ropes, but avoids the rebound and sends him to the floor. Marty goes for a slingshot/
sunset flip on his way back in. Martel ducks and Marty allegedly "hits his head" on the mat.
Martel covers for the 3 count.
SSS Match 3: Big Bossman vs. Earthquake (w/Jimmy Hart)
But first, a pre-recorded interview with Mean Gene and the Hulkamaniacs team-
Hogan, Hacksaw, Big Bossman and Tugboat. Gene mentions "in the Survivor
Series, there's only THREE ways to win... pin your opponent,
count out, disqualification or submission". Well, DQ/ countout
could be scored as ONE... but those three ways are nothing unique.
Slow moving big man match. Bossman has Quake on the run, then goes to the
top turnbuckle for a high cross body. Quake catches him in mid-air and slams him to the mat.
Bobby Heenan, who's on gag order for insulting Bossman's mom,
then leaves his broadcast position to "get a closer look". He
slowly wanders down and hugs Jimmy Hart, even borrowing the megaphone at one point.
Quake drops ass on Bossman in the corner, and Heenan runs over to get in a few shots on
the injured Bossman. Bossman tries to come back, but Quake gets him in a bearhug.
Quake sends him to the ropes and Bossman returns with a kick. Quake catches it, but
Bossman rebounds with an enseguri/ghetto blaster kick!
Bossman is tossed out again and this time Heenan gets in several kicks. A groggy Bossman
comes to and starts chasing Heenan, who SPRINTS back to the dressing room! Bossman follows
and Earthquake wins by countout.
SSS Match 4: Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Honkytonk Man (w/Jimmy Hart)
Honky backs away through the ropes and argues with the fans before they lock-up.
Three lock-ups and Honky goes for an armbar. Bret reverses and pounds on Honky's shoulder. Lock-up
again and Bret cinches in a hammerlock to take Honky to the mat. Honky shoves
Bret to the ropes, and Jimmy Hart tries to trip him up Heenan: "What happened? My monitor went out".
Bret with another armbar until Honky powers him into the corner and delivers a few knees
to the ribs. Honky punches him twice, then charges into the corner. Bret avoids
and takes over with a headbutt, reverse atomic drop and kick to the midsection. Honky
with a thumb to the eye and punches to take over. He pushes Bret into the corner, and climbs
the topes to deliver mroe shots. Bret picks him up for another reverse atomic drop, then misses
an elbowdrop. Honky covers for two and cranks in a chinlock. A few kicks and
Honky gets another two. More chinlock. Gorilla: "this is just a snippet of what you'll
see at Survivor Series". Great, I love chinlocks!. Honky tries to come off the second rope, but
Bret nails him in the tummy, kicks, punches and heabutts. Snapmare and legdrop scores a two count
for Bret. Suplex gets another two. Hmm, ya don't think Bret will follow it up with a..
yup, there's the backbreaker! One count, but Jimmy Hart gets up on the apron to distract. Honky attacks from behind and tries for a powerslam. Bret drops out and sends Honky
rumbling into Jimmy. Brt rolls up Honky for the 3 count and the pin.
SSS Match 5: "Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich vs. Smash
But first, a pre-recorded interview from the entire "Warriors" team- Ultimate
Warrior, Von Erich and the LOD. For once, an appropriate name for a Survivor Series
team. Considering that the team had the Ultimate Warrior, along with the former
"Modern Day Warrior" (mean, mean stride) and the former "Road Warriors". Never noticed it before,
but Demolition had different entrance music during this period. Smash also
has the goofy bondage mask on for this match. Initial lock-up
breaks into a shoving match, with Kerry gaining the advantage. Kerry hits two punches and
tries for the claw. Smash blocks it and rolls out of the ring. Back in for another lock-up.
Both guys punch away into the corner, until Smash gets a kneelift and snapmares Kerry to the mat.
Smash tosses Kerry over the top rope, but Kerry resists, hops right back in,
lands a discus punch and launches Smash over the top rope to the floor. Kerry follows him out
to deliver more punches and a slam. back in, and Kerry works on Smash's arm. Smash makes
a small comeback, irish whips Kerry, but gets two hiptosses for his troubles. Let's go back
to that arm. Kerry misses a charge into the corner and now Smash works... the arm. Powerslam,
but Smash has to stop and adjust his masks before getting a two count. Smash works the arm
until Kerry hits the clawhold out of nowhere and takes Smash to the canvas. Smash gets an eyepoke
to escape, then hits a clothesline. Mr. Perfect then wanders down to ringside.
You can hear a little kid yell "hey man! Watch out for Mr. Perfect!!" Perfect starts attacking
Kerry and the bell sounds for a DQ. Ax and Crush also enter and everyone pounds away on
Kerry. Demos hit hi with the Decapitation until the LOD arrives. Ultimate Warrior arrives to
clear the ring. Perfect gets tossed....twice. Gorilla tells us that everything is
"to be continued...this Thursday at Survivor Series!"
Why'd you tape this??
More than a little comical and the action's not too great, either. Surprisingly,
the Dusty Rhodes-Ted DiBiase stuff comes off better than I remembered. The stuff with Sapphire
made no sense, but the stuff with Dustin was entertaining and made the feud tolerable.
WHY did DiBiase steal Sapphire? Just to prove a point to Dusty? And he was mad at Dusty
because ....?? Who knows? Maybe Virgil was lonely and wanted to spend some time
with the only sister in the WWF? Anyways, as soon as they brought Dustin in, the
Sapphire issue was basically dropped and the feud actually improved as it became
a family issue between Rhodes and DiBiase.
Adding to the awful ring work is Roddy Piper's commentary.
He did the impossible by making
Vince McMahon seem like the competent one in the booth. Two other
infamously crappy issues are seen here: the Demolition-LOD war and the
Sgt. Slaughter push. The LOD-Demos thing is widely proclaimed a
flop, but the segments on this tape actually work. The Slaughter push, however
is just as bad as they tell you. Slaughter appeared winded in ALL his matches
and the Iraqi gimmick is still questionable. It's over 12 years later and
General Hawk is STILL trying to explain this one away.
The SNME stuff
is incredibly insane. We're talking "RAW Bowl" levels of stupidity.
Nothing great here, but it's fun for the completionist. Up next is
the late 90/early 91 stuff, including the WWF debut of a famous
redheaded feller. By the way, I
occassionally make COPIES of my wrestling tapes.... so if you
want some of this stuff, send me an email and we'll swap.
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