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What the HECK?/Intro- WWF Rarities 3
Yes, this is Rasslin' Rarities 3! How observant. No, you didn't miss anything...
Rarities 2 will appear someday. I was simply more enthusiastic to cover this tape.
The "Rarities" series aren't in any particular chronologic order, so it really
shouldn't make a difference to you, the viewing public.
This tape features the semi-rare "Big Event", along with a few "bonus" matches
that I've picked up via trading. I won't go into too much depth
on "Big Event", since it's quite abundant around the internet. You could think of "Big Event" as SummerSlam 86. It took place on August 28, 1986 in Toronto and was billed as
"Hulkamania". Reportedly, the event was
only promoted locally, as part of the Canadian National Expo. The WWF was only
expecting about 20,000, but walk-up sales were tremndous and the crowd grew to around
60,000. Pleasantly surprised after the event, the WWF decided to release the
show on video and brag about their attendance. The tape opens with Mean Gene Okerlund
providing narration for a helicopter tour of Toronto, interspersed with hype and clips of
the upcoming event.
BE Match 1: Killer Bees vs. Funk Brothers (w/Jimmy Hart)
("Jumpin" Jim Brunzell & B. Brian Blair vs. Jimmy Jack & "Hoss" Funk)
"Hoss" was Dory Funk, Jr...named "Hoss" because someone in Titan-land dug Bonanza. Jimmy Jack, not
related to the Funks, was Jesse Barr in a Lone Ranger mask. Terry Funk was
the patriarch of this mini-WWF Funk era, but left a few months prior. All of the matches are
called by Gorilla Monsoon, "Luscious" Johnny V and...Ernie Ladd?! Ladd sounds almost exactly like
... Teddy Long! B'lee dat', playa. I guess Ladd's role
is to be the "analyst", as he routinely goes into the
fundamentals of each hold's effectiveness, how to wear out your opponent and other ring
techniques. I like it, since he's not necessarily a heel or face announcer. Just there to
provide explanation.
Oh yeah.. match begins with the Bees whipping
the Funks to the ropes for hiptosses, powerslams and armbars. Overall, a Bees squash as
the Funks get minimal offense outside of a few clotheslines, punches and kicks. Bees work on Hoss's arm for
a good portion. Jimmy Jack takes over and tosses Brunzell to the outside. Blair comes over to
check on him and, when the ref turns his back, the Bees put their masks on for an illegal
switcheroo! Eventually, Brunzell rolls in on another switch and pins Jimmy Jack with a small package.
BE Match 2: King Tonga vs. Magnificent Muraco (w/Mr. Fuji)
Muraco looks fairly trim compared to his bulbous size of a few months earlier. Announcers
mention that King Tonga wants to be referred to as "Haku" from now on. Interesting, 'cuz I always
thought that they had tried to pass off "King Tonga" and "Haku" as two separate people (like
they did with US Express member Mike Rotundo and IRS). Haku it is, then. Maybe they had decided to drop
the "King Tonga" name since "King" Harley Race had recently arrived? I mean, ya' can't have TWO
kings... the peasants would revolt.
Haku gets most of the offense, but Muraco takes over with a chinlock, slam and neck pinch.
Haku is tossed out and Fuji gets in his obligatory cane shot!
Muraco rolls him back in and applies a figure four(!). Muraco tries coming off the top
turnbuckle, but Haku is up to stop him and slam him off. Haku goes upstairs
for a flying bodypress. Ref is over to...count... 1......now, wait for it...wait for it.
...ding-ding, time limit draw! Match
was mercifully clipped during Muraco's neck pinch.
BE Match 3: Tony Garea vs. Ted Arcidi
Arcidi wasn't around too long and was considered one of the bigger flops of
the WWF boom era. He's a big roid-monster type of guy with
a mammoth chest. Gorilla mentions that Garea is a six-time tag team champ. Whoa,
continuity! Outside of Gorilla, nobody else mentioned such facts. Arcidi
shoves off several charges from Garea and delivers a few shoulderblocks and a slam.
Garea rebounds off the ropes with a charging dropkick, leapfrogs and then jumps
right into an Arcidi bearhug. Garea lasts about 15 seconds before giving up. Roughly
half of the crowd was seen looking AWAY from the ring.
Mean Gene is in the entrance aisle with Jimmy Hart. Jimmy recounts the past
emabrassments he's received from the Junkyard Dog. He's been branded and
de-pantsed twice! I dunno, but if I'm feuding with someone, the last thing
of my List o' Strategies is "hey, I need to take that dude's pants off!" Adrian Adonis
interrupts and heads to the ring.
BE Match 4: Junkyard Dog vs. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart)
Adrian has half of his face painted with makeup. I've always wondered
if the left side of his face was legitimately messed up.
Even in his non-flame days, his left side looked
a little funny. Match is clipped a bit to show JYD nailing Adonis
with elbowsmashes, headbutts and a few shots from his dog chain (wasn't it
called "Ruby"?). Adonis tumbles out and spends most of the match trying to
get back in. Adonis makes it in for a bit, lands a kneedrop and another
from the second turnbuckle for 2. They tumble back out, and
Jimmy Hart brings the fragrance spray can into play. Despite rolling back
in two seconds prior, Adonis is suddenly counted out, giving JYD the victory.
BE Match 5: "The Rebel" Dick Slater vs. Iron Mike Sharpe
Ring announcer Howard Finkel makes a point to slow down and
announce Sharpe as "the self-proclaimed Canada's Greatest Athlete". This is
another semi-infamous WWF stint: Slater's quick babyface run as the "Rebel".
He has a condederate flag wrapped around his neck and a red jacket. Sharpe quickly
stalls and bellows. Clip job as we cut to Slater coming off the top with an
overhead chop, then grabbing both legs and flipping over to score the pin.
Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Bobby "The Brain" Heenan in front of the dugouts.
Heenan brags about Bundy, Studd and Orndorff, then invites the crowd to
chant "weasel". Heenan says that all 70,000 people
are here to see him, since "Heenan is wrestling and wrestling is Heenan".
Back in the booth, Gorilla mentions that "they're jam packed to the
rafters"! Umm...WHAT rafters?! It's an outdoor baseball stadium, Gino!
BE Match 6: Machine #1, #2 and Captain Lou Albano (w/Machine #3) vs. King Kong Bundy,
Big John Studd and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
The Machines haven't garnered the nicknames Big, Super and Giant, yet. In fact,
Ernie ladd refers to #3 as "the big super giant machine". For this match,
"Machine #1" is Super Machine Bill Eadie (Ax/Masked Superstar) and "Machine #2" is
Big Machine Blackjack Mulligan. #3 of course, is the suspended Andre the Giant or
Giant Machine. The story is that if Heenan can prove Andre is a Machine, then Andre will
be banned for life. Match begins with #1 clubbing away on Studd. Both #1 and #2
lift Studd up for a slam, and both times Studd blocks by grabbing the top rope.
Bundy misses an avalanche into the corner and #2 pounds away. The shoulderblock
is used roughly 96 times in this match. Heels work on Machine #2, and Heenan tries to
rip the mask off. So what would've happen if he had exposed Blackjack Mulligan?!
LOGIC IN WRESTLING!
Managers square off with Albano tossing Heenan to the corner for his obligatory
flip. Fans dig that. Albano wanders into the heel corner and gets triple-teamed.
Machine #3 can't stands no more, and he runs in to deliver chops and headbutts
all around. Machines are DQ'd, but chase off the heels and celebrate in the ring.
BE Match 7: Snakepit Match:
Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat vs. Jake "the Snake" Roberts
"Snakepit" is another way of saying "No DQ, anything goes". I guess "Snakepit Match" sounded
more boss than "Toronto Street Fight"! Just like their SNME match from May 86, Steamboat AGAIN
stops on the apron to
wave to the crowd. Jake AGAIN attacks from behind and drags him into the ring. Steamboat
reverses a short-arm clothesline attempt into a chop and delivers a backdrop. Announcers
mention that Steamboat is now wearing a red headband to remind himself of
the way Jake whupped him. Whatever. An audible amount of fans
are actually cheering for Jake and chanting "D-D-T"! Both guys tumble out to ringside and Steamboat
uses a chair to smack Jake. Outside a second time and Jake nails Steamboat in the throat
with an elbow. He then catapults Steamboat into the ringpost. Steamboat
leans onto the railing and blades. Jake rolls him back in, lands a short-arm clothesline, an inverted backbreaker and makes a nonchalant cover with his knees on Steamer's shoulder. 1..2..but
Steamboat hooks Jake's arms with his legs and gets the "surprise" pin. Good match and this feud really
made both guys' WWF careers.
BE Match 8: Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules Hernandez
Commentary was noticeably added later, as Gorilla is suddenly solo and
his audio is more clear and calm. Gorilla tries to play it off as "live", saying that
Johnny and Ernie went out for "a libation or some groceries". Gorilla screws
up two minutes later when he mentions "since this match has taken place,
the Slickster has acquired Hercules". D'oh! Anyways, Herc still has his last name and poofy
hair, making him look like Bruiser Brody-LITE. Lots of clotheslines and rope bouncing
in this match. Herc sets up Haynes for a neckbreaker, but Haynes counters with
a backslide and gets the 3.
BE Match 9: Rougeau Brothers vs. Dream Team (w/ "Luscious" Johnny V)
(Jacques & Raymond Rougeau vs. Greg "the Hammer" Valentine v& Brutus Beefcake)
I'm shocked that the WWF didn't repackage the Rougeaus
as beer drinking, hockey-loving brothers who wore tooks. "Good day, eh...and welcome
to the wrestling portion of our match". But the Rougeaus were more Quebec than Winnipeg.
Better-than-average tag match with the Rougeaus hitting double dropkicks to gain
the early advantage. Raymond whips Valentine to the ropes
for a reverse thrust kick, then brings in Jacques for a flying reverse elbow.
Both Rougeaus scream like teenaged chics whenever they're hit.
"Pandemoium breaks loose" as all 4 guys enter. Valentine sets
Jacques for the figure-four. Raymond comes flying in, jumps over Valentine for a sunset flip
and scores the pin. Dream Team manager, Johnny V remained in the broadcast
booth. I have to wonder if he was paid by the WORD. Throughout the entire
show, he babbled non-stop with a series of senseless sentences and
overall awful commentary.
BE Match 10: Pedro Morales vs. "The King of Wrestling" Handsome Harley Race
Match is joined in progress, so I don't know if Race entered in his
full "King" getup. He has the drawers with the crown on them, though.
Race gets a kneelift, then walks right into a series of lefts from
Morales. Race irish whips him into the corner, where Morales counters
by twisting over in a double-underhook pin attempt for 2.
Morales follows Race into the opposite corner, where Race
grabs his legs and scores the pin with the ol' "illegal leverage on
the ropes" trick.
BE Match 11: WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan)
Y'know, if the WWF was savvy, they might put this match on
DVD. Since everyone has seen or owns the "Hulk Still Rules" DVD, we'll
skip to the ending. Orndorff nails Hogan with the piledriver.
The ref correctly stops the count at 2, when he notices Hogan's leg beneath
the ropes. Orndorff gets up to celebrate, thinking he's won the title.
Hogan makes the comeback by clotheslining Orndorff and delivering his
own piledriver. He waits a loooong time on the piledriver... enough to
allow Heenan to run in and smack him with a barstool. Orndorff covers, thinking
he's won, again. Despite strapping on the belt, Orndorff discovers that
he's been disqualified. Post match shenanigans ensue. In a funny note,
it looks like someone threw a stuffed PANDA BEAR into the ring.
"Dammit! I want my money back! Quick, gimme your panda!" (FLING)!
That's it for the Big Event. It's a fairly entertaining show, with
Steamboat/Roberts and Dream Team/Rougeaus being the best. Haynes/Hercules
wasn't as bad as you might have thought. It looked
like the WWF used the show to launch some of their newcomers who
had arrived since WrestleMania 2. Guys like Ted Arcidi, the Rougeaus,
Billy Jack Haynes, Harley Race and even Dick Slater all
got "stepping stone" wins. The two big angles involving the
Machines and Hogan/Orndorff were advanced, and
Steamboat/Roberts has a decisive bout in their feud. The lighting at the CNE
was a little bad at times, but I'd recommend tracking down this show.
Now for some "bonus" rarities.
WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Honkytonk Man (w/Jimmy Hart)
From the July 1989 Saturday Night's Main Event,with
Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura. A show noteworthy for
the unexpected BrainBusters/Demolition title switch. Honky tries to attack
Hogan with the guitar upon entering. Hogan brawls with him, outside the ring and
down the aisle. Jimmy Hart jumps on Hogan's back for a piggyback ride.
Hogan carries him into the ring. Hogan steps through the MIDDLE rope,
but Jimmy crawls over the TOP rope. Luckily, Hogan was nice enough to
slow down to make sure Jimmy didn't fall off or break the piggyback ride.
Honky swings the guitar, misses, and gets tossed into two turnbuckles.
Hogan comes off the ropes with a clothesline and hits an atomic drop.
Elbows Honky into the corner, and Hogan finally gets a chance to
rip his shirt off. Double noggin knocker on Jimmy and Honky!
They go back out and this time Jimmy nails Hogan with the guitar.
Honky responds by dropping a double axe-handle from the apron, then
rolls Hogan in to work the lower back. Hogan powers out of Honky's
chinlock and drops him face-first into the turnbuckle. Honky
with a clothesline and both men go down. Honky is up first and
goes for the Shake, Rattle n' Roll. He hits it, but instead of
covering, he dances around and does the behind-the-back Double
Hitchhike! 1..2...NO! In a shocker, Hogan kicks out at 2! 3 punches
and the big boot send Honky out of the ring. Hogan follows to
smack Jimmy and Honky with that pesky guitar. He rolls Honky back
in, hits the big legdrop and scores the pin. Afterwards, Hogan
gives us his own Double Hitchhike.
Cage Match: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs. Ric Flair
This is a fan-cam match, circa February 1992 or so. Dual non-title
match, but both Piper and Flair enter wearing their Intercontinetnal and WWF Championships,
respectively. For hand-held footage it's pretty
decent. The main operator is apparently a big Flair mark as he adds some
funny pro-Flair comments throughout the match. Crowd keeps chanting
"Rod-dy! Rod-dy!" and the cameraman keeps saying "sucks!" No clue on the location of this match,
but it might be "Bah-stan", since one "commentator" has a mild accent. As Flair point to the
audience, the cameraman pines "sit down, fat boy!". Match begins as Flair
tags Piper in the eyes and immediately begins scaling the cage. Piper is up to stop him, grabbing
a fistful of trunks and suddenly it's a full moon, Ethel. They trade chops
whle standing on top of the ropes. Piper tosses Flair into the corner, then climbs up
so the crowd can count along to "Eight! Yes, Eight Punches! Ah-ah-ah-ahhh". Piper tries climbing the
cage and
Flair is up to halt. They reverse the escapes for the next five minutes or so. At one
point Flair is on the outside of the cage, with Piper reaching OVER to grab him.
One of the camermen asks "what if he just fell?! He'd win the match!" YES! We have
some 1992 disciples of LOGIC in WRESTLING! Piper hauls Flair back to the canvas and delivers
a clothesline. Both men try escaping on opposite sides of the cage. They climb over and
hit the floor, simultaneously. Ring announcer informs everyone that referee
"Evil" Earl Hebner has ruled that they hit at the same time..so the match must continue.
Back in for more climb n' tug shenanigans. Piper irishwhips Flair, delivers a backdrop and
a sleeper. Piper tries going through the door, but it looks like Rick Martel is there to SLAM
the door on him. Weird. Couldn't make it out clearly, but
I noticed the neon pink trunks. Pretty sure it was Martel...but that's weird booking. Never knew
of a connection between Martel and Piper, or Martel and Flair. Piper staggers back into the ring and
the cameraman correctly predicts what'll happen next: "watch...he'll get 2 and a half". Yup,
Flair covers for 2 and a half! Flair then hauls ass over the cage wall. Piper makes a late charge and
catches up. Both guys climb over the cage and continue to brawl while hanging on the outside. Flair smacks
Piper's dome into the cage. Piper falls to the floor and gets the win.
Cage Match: Bruno Sammartino vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper
Fairly famous match from Boston, circa February 1986. The location becomes somewhat
important. Match is called by Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse "the Body" Ventura. Gorilla drops in his
old line about Bruno being a "monument of physical conditioning". Piper and his flunky, "Cowboy" Bob Orton,
had been bothering Bruno for a few months, and this is the blow-off. Piper comes out wearing
a Chicago Bears Super Bowl champs t-shirt and hangs up posters of William "The Refrigerator" Perry and
Jim McMahon in the cage! This was shortly after the Bears had trounced the Patriots in SuperBowl
XX, and the fans are pissed. Piper removes his Bears t-shirt and has his regular "Hot Rod" shirt,
with "46" spray-painted on the back-- a nod to Buddy Ryan's defensive scheme and the 46 points
the Bears ran up on the Pats. Bruno comes in and delivers an outright ass-kicking to Piper!
He tosses him into the cage and Piper does the blade job. Bruno rips off Piper's
shirt, chokes him with it, then rams the Fridge poster down his throat. Bruno rips
down the McMahon poster and shoves it into Piper's trunks. Piper comes back with
a Shemp Stooge eye-boink and kicks Bruno's midsection. Most of the climb n' tug shenanigans
are centered around the cage door. Bruno tries escaping, and Piper
counters with a low-blow. Both guys brawl in between escape attempts. Piper sends Bruno to
the mat with a charging clothesline, then tries to climb. Bruno delivers his own low-blow
and begins crawling through the door. Piper grabs Bruno's leg, but Bruno managers to grab onto
the ring apron. Bruno reaches out, grabs a wooden chair and gently taps Piper's
head with it. But wait, this is BRUNO! He KNEW the first shot was weak, so
he makes sure to wind up deliver a second, more convincing blow. Bruno rules!
Bruno pulls himself through the door
and wins! A rare non-DQ/countout loss for Piper. Fun match and great to see
two guys selling and beating the crap out of each other.
NWA/TNA X-Division Championship:
A.J. Styles (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
Riiiight. Like you expected to see THIS recapped here?! No, seriously.. I AM recapping this!
True, I don't follow or care about current wrestling, but I'm willing to give it a try
now and then. This match is occassionally available through Comcast's On Demand menu, under
"TNA Greatest Matches". From mid-June 2004,
and the "surprise" TNA/NWA debut of gay nightclub dancer and annoying turd Jeff Hardy. Announcer
Mike Tenay will NOT shut up about how this is a "dream match". "Dream", as in,
I wish I was asleep. While I can't stand Hardy, I'm okay with Styles. Hardy's entrance takes
over five minutes, as he continually hops on each turnbuckle
and poses. "Look, look, look...it's ME!! I wear neon paint!"
Fans are into it, but I'm thinking "Road Warriors. Doomsday Device. Now". Match
FINALLY begins with a few standard counters. Both guys face-off in mid-ring
and demand to slap each other. "Catfiiiight"...err, nevermind. Hardy bounces off the
ropes, right into a nice dropkick from Styles. Crescent kick from Hardy sends Styles outside.
Hardy follows up by slingshotting himself over the top rope, onto Styles.
I notice that Hardy's been wrestling the entire match with some sort
of rope-chain hanging out of his pocket. Explain that one to me. They go back in, where
Hardy gets a quick pin attempt with a reverse double-leg drop on Styles. Hardy slams
him, then goes upstairs. Styles avoids, but Hardy twists and lands on his feet.
Styles avoids a charging clothesline, and shoves Hardy to the turnbuckle. Hardy comes
off again, this time connecting with a twisting ummm...Flying Ankle Smack! Both guys lay on the mat
while Tenay climaxes in his pants calling the instant replay. Kid Kash and his pal Vinnie Vegas, errr..
Dallas hit the ring
to attack Styles. DQ bell signals and that's that. Hardy and Styles clean house, with Hardy
hitting his trademark Flip-Splash That Barely Grazes The Opponent (or "swanton bomb") on
Dallas. Styles and Hardy have a Mild Face-Off of Misunderstanding Yet Mutual Respect.
Why'd you Tape This?
Looking at this stuff, I don't know if you could score it as "Rarities".
But, I figure "Random-i-ties" isn't a real word, so I'll stick with the recognizable
moniker. The Piper-Flair cage match is very rare, but not too exciting. Parts of it
are almost identical to Piper's cage series with Rick Rude. I absolutely dig
the Bruno match, though. It's not dazzling...just fun. Did they ever run with a
Piper-Bad News cage match? If so, I NEED that. Piper and Bad News...shit, just add
Magnificent Mimi as the special referee and it'd be the Official Pro Wrestling
Match of eStragand.com! With a run-in by Flair and some midgets.
This review was a complete blast to do. Lots of characters that I hadn't seen in
years (Adonis, Bruno, Jimmy Jack Funk, Slater, etc.). I was harsh on the NWA/TNA
match, but I've watched some of their stuff over the past five months and it
agrees with me more than the current Smackdown BS. The occassional On Demand matches and
2am Saturday night Lucha Libre matches are about the only time I see 'rasslin outside
of my tape trades. Speakin' o' which...
You can
still e-mail me your own
rasslin' reviews
or you if ya' wanna see these matches on YOUR TV you can
set up a trade for this tape!
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