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Hey kids, it's "OrangeGoblinFan" witb Guest Column #57!! More fun from WWE 24/7 and "Stuff That I Would've Recapped if
I Had No Job"
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WWF PrimeTime Wrestling - 3/9/87
- The hosts of PrimeTime are the usual combination of Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. The desk has a nice, subtle, WrestleMania III banner spread across it. They hype this weeks feature match... King Kong Bundy vs. Jake Roberts. Roberts had just turned face about a few days before this card was held. They run down some more of the action, plus our first look at Outback Jack in action. All the matches on this program are from the February 23rd, 1987 card held at Madison Square Garden (otherwise known as the greatest arena in the history of sports), unless otherwise noted.
1. Outback Jack vs. Barry O:
All matches on tonight's show have Monsoon and Heenan on commentary, unless otherwise noted... and boy, am I over abusing that phrase in the last couple of sentences. In a shocker, Monsoon and Heenan hyped this as one of Outback's earliest appearences, and they might be right. I still remember seeing introduction vignettes in February for him, a few weeks before this card. Before the match, Outback offers Barry O a handshake, but in a true Orton respone... doesn't shake. FOOLED YOU! Squash match for Outback, although he does have a little problem for about 30-seconds. Outback wins with what looks like a sucky clothesline, or an even worse bulldog headlock, at 3:33. My God, did Outback Jack have a horrible look. He had absolutely zero muscle definition, and he had the grace of a El Gigante when it comes to wrestling skills.
2. Koko B. Ware vs. Sika:
Hmm... this is 1987, so Koko might have a chance of actually winning a match. Sika is out by himself, meaning the Wizard and KimChee/Friday/Whatever are out doing something more important, like playing fill-in-the-scars-on-the-Wizard's-forhead. If you've seen one Sika match, you've seen them all, and since I've seen one, I'll just fast forward through this one (and every other one I ever have to see again). In a finish I absolutely hate, Ware gets knocked out of the ring, crawls under it, comes out the other side, then re-enters the ring, dropkicking Sika into the ropes, and rolling him up for a three count at 4:52. That was one hell of a run-on-sentence, but at least Ware actually got to win a match! Of course, the happiness is short lived, as Sika does a heel beat-down on Ware moments after the match and throws him out like yesterdays garbage.
- Gene Okerlund with a Special Interview from Ricky Steamboat, hyping up his Intercontinental Title Match against Randy Savage at WrestleMania III. For those who've been living under a rock, George "the Animal" Steele will be in his corner, meaning Steele will no doubt interfere.
- WrestleMania III Report with Mean Gene Okerlund. We get highlights of the Hogan/Andre Contract Signing, and as usual, Hulk Hogan over-acts to the point of embarrassment. Celebrities scheduled to be at WrestleMania III: Aretha Franklin (promo with Jimmy Hart), Mary Hart (guest timekeeper), Alice Cooper (will be in Jake Roberts' corner), and "Mr. Baseball" Bob Uecker (promo). All 12 matches for WrestleMania III have been announced: The Can-Am Connection takes on the Magnificent Muraco & Bob Orton Jr. The Killer Bees face Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Sheik. Hillbilly Jim and his midget partners Little Beaver and the Haiti Kid go up against King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo, and Lord Littlebrooke. Koko B. Ware faces "the Natural" Butch Reed. Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules in a Master of the Full Nelson match. Junkyard Dog takes on the King, Harley Race. The Rougeau Brothers face the Dream Team, with Dino Bravo in their corner. Jake Roberts takes on the Honkytonk Man. In a haircut match, Roddy Piper wrestles his "retirement" match against Adrian Adonis. Randy Savage defends the Intercontinental Title against Ricky Steamboat. The British Bulldogs team with Tito Santana to face the Hart Foundation and ex-referee, Danny Davis. Finally, in the main event, Hulk Hogan defends the World Heavyweight Title against Andre the Giant.
- Courtesy of SuperStars of Wrestling, we get to see highlights of a tag match featuring the Can-Am Connection & Lanny Poffo vs. the Dream Team & Adrian Adonis. Towards the end of the match, Adonis stupidly attempts to cut Tom Zenk's hair, but Brutus Beefcake gets the trim instead (moron), which allows Zenk to roll up Beefcake for the upset victory. After the match, we see a promo from Brutus Beefcake, who calls Adonis a "fat slob" among other things.
3. Tito Santana vs. "The Natural" Butch Reed (w/ Slick):
Finally, another match after about 15-minutes of non-wrestling segments (OK, more like 8-9 minutes, but that's still a hell of a lot of time considering it was 1987, and most of the non-wrestling studd happend on the weekend shows). I guess Santana/Reed did have an angle going, considering what happend at WrestleMania III. Decent match, but nothing spectacular, and a little bit long in the tooth. Half-way through the match, Monsoon interviews Slick at the broadcast table. Reed dominates for a good 4-5 minutes, so that means it's time for Santana's Superman comeback. The referee gets in the way of things, and in the confusion, Slick enters the ring to nail Santana with his cane, but Koko B. Ware runs in to cut him off, and dropkicks him from behind. The referee calls for the bell at 12:57, and it's declared a Double Disqualification. Afterwards, the Miracle Jobber Connection (before either man became so lowly) clear Reed from the ring with a double dropkick. Monsoon must be drinking the funny juice, as he says that only Reed should be Disqualified. I guess he has a point, since Ware only interfered to prevent Slick from beating up on his good buddy.
4. Paul Roma vs. Salvatore Bellomo:
This would normally be a battle of babyfaces, but Bellomo appears to be working heel for the match, and even has the EVIL beard grown in. Thankfully, this match is Joined in Progress. Still on the subject of Bellomo, he has on what might be the absolute UGLIEST ring attire in the history of wrestling... a black body stocking, silver trunks, and thin stripes of red, white, and green running down his arms and legs, plus a silver "Stallion" printed on his back. My God, you don't get much uglier than that. After some boring back-and-forth action, Roma wins with a powerslam at 5:56, in what Monsoon thinks is an "upset."
5. Pedro Morales vs. The Honkytonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Gorilla Monsoon and Slick are on PBP now, probably because Heenan was getting ready for a match later in the show. Honky was (somewhat) freshly turned after a disasterous babyface run in the latter part of 1986, and he still doesn't have his more traditional entrance music that was featured on the Piledriver album. Morales, despite being a former "Mr. Everything" according to Monsoon, was pretty damn low on the card, and was basically used to put over all the heels that the WWF was interested in pushing at the time. Morales may have been a good worker in his prime (a.k.a the mid-70's), but his style didn't age well at all, and Honky (as a heel) was the most frustrating person to expect a good match out of, thanks to his constant stalling and limited moveset. This match is fast-forward city all the way, which is a good thing, because it runs through a commercial break. After a lot of not-too-exciting action, Honky picks up the victory, in cheap fashion of course, by rolling up Morales and putting his feet on the ropes, at 12:31. Way too long for the amount of "action."
- Another special Interview, this time with Mr. Baseball himself... Bob Uecker. You know, he's going to be the guest ring announcer for WrestleMania III. Out of all the celebrities to participate in WrestleMania's, Bob Uecker seemed to be the one who had the most fun. He was just so damn entertaining... and on the subject of Ueck', Major League ruled. And Major League II was okay too.
6. Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan):
It's feature match time! This time, Monsoon is joined by Jimmy Hart, who is pretty damn annoying with his constant babbling about nothing and cackling like an idiot. As noted earlier, Roberts was pretty freshly turned (he might've done so over the weekend), and gets a pretty good babyface reaction as a result, something fans were no doubt doing before hand, hence the face turn after a successful '86 as a top heel. I love Roberts for his promos and grasp on psychology, but his matches, when randomly thrown together, and against someone with an uncompatable style, usually ended up in the toilet... and this match is borderline on it. Bundy was NOT someone you could expect a lot out of. To prove my point, the camera team spends a hell of a lot of time focusing on the bag holding Damien, which has Damien constantly trying to poke through a small hole. After some back and forth punching, the action spills outside of the ring. Roberts "out-smarts" Bundy, and Roberts is awarded the match by Count-Out at 9:48. After the match, Bundy attempts a beat-down, but misses the Avalanche, and Roberts clears him and Heenan from the ring with Damien. Viva la Snake Man!
- We wrap things up from the studio. Monsoon will be returning to Heenan's training camp for Andre, if he can bring his own film crew. Heenan agrees as long as it's not aired on any network. Something must be up... Heenan never lets anyone do anything, especially without putting up a major fit.
Final Thoughts: Despite being flooded with extended squashes, at least two high(er) profile matches were featured in the form of Santana/Reed and Roberts/Bundy. Even Morales/Honky is a decent match when it comes to card position. The only problem is that both matches had shit finishes. The Heenan/Monsoon studio stuff was awesome though, which is the token phrase of the day when it comes to PrimeTime.
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