SPORTS-(RASSLIN)
Archive
Hey kids, it's "OrangeGoblinFan" witb Guest Column #54!! I think it's finally safe to say that "OGF" is
probably better known as "Scrooge McSuck"
!---------------------begin guest column-----------------!
WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event – November 2nd, 1985
With Halloween right around the corner, it’s always a fun time to watch WWF SuperStars make asses of themselves on television by playing dress up, or in general doing goofy stuff, like competing in special contests. And let’s not forget the dressing up part, either. Where else but on WWF TV would you see Capt. Lou Albano dressed up like an oversized Pumpkin? Or how about a gang of Hillbillies… wait, those weren’t costumes, those were their actual ring get-ups. Anyway, here’s a special episode of SNME, long before the Simpsons made people go “Wha?!?” by putting Halloween shows on in November (this SNME was originally taped on Halloween night, IIRC).
The Matches:
- The Junkyard Dog vs. Terry Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart)
Before the match, we’re shown highlights from an episode of WWF Television where Terry Funk beat the piss out of Mel Phillips. Reports that Phillips tried licking his feet are unsubstantiated to this day. We’re also shown a bit of a Funk beatdown on the JYD from Madison Square Garden around August of that year. Both men brawl around the ring for the most part, with maybe 2-3 wrestling moves in total actually being used. The important thing is that Terry Funk steals the pin thanks to a Foreign Object of International Status at 5:07. After the match, JYD gets his revenge by pansting Jimmy Hart (ew…) and branding his butt. That’s gonna leave a mark. (3/4*)
- Hulk Hogan & Andre The Giant (w/ Lou Albano) vs. King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/ Bobby Heenan)
Now THIS is some kind of match to give away for free on nationally broadcasted television. This one was set up at the last SNME, where Hogan made the save for Andre during a match where his partner, Tony Atlas, was KO’ed and Andre was taking a major ass-kicking. Knowing the participants, you would expect this match to be a little bit below par… and you’d be right. It’s not very good, but the crowd is way into it (before the days of piping in crowd noises for EVERYTHING). However, as expected, we get a shitty finish as the heels tie up Andre in the ropes and double team him until a Disqualification is called at 5:25, barely a touch longer than the previous match, despite having four main eventers and the top 2 managers involved. Hogan makes the save, for those who couldn’t have guessed. (1/2*)
- Tito Santana (IC Champ) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Elizabeth)
This is a Non-Title match, for reasons no one could explain… other than maybe Santana might be doing the job on the show. I should also warn everyone that Savage was still flushing the “Memphis Heel” out of him, so the match is completely laced with him running around the ring stalling for time, and doing basically next to nothing. With about 2 minutes of the match actually spent in the ring, you can’t expect them to have a good match, and as soon as the match started, it came to an end, when Savage ran away more, forcing Santana to follow him, and the two battling to a Double Count-Out at 4:08. Savage would eventually get more title shots, and took the belt from Santana 3 months later at the Boston Garden, cheating like only a Memphis heel could. (1/4*)
- Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Mr. Fuji (w/ Magnificent Muraco)
I didn’t quite catch the drift of it, but I believe this was some sort of “Kung-Fu Challenge”, the result of Fuji and Muraco hanging the Dragon on an episode of All-Star Wrestling. This was back when Fuji was still kinda’ wrestling, but it’s still a mis-match considering it’s 1985 and the Dragon was an up-and-coming superstar. After a few minutes of “chopping” and “kicking”, the Dragon finished off the Devious One with a top turnbuckle chop to the head at 3:16, restoring peace to the galaxy and Hawaii in the process… until Muraco beats him down once again after the match. (DUD)
1. The Segments
What would a Halloween Show be without some special treats and games? Well, one that didn’t entirely suck, but let’s move forward, shall we… to the Triple Threat Halloween Contest of Good vs. Evil (or G vs. E for short). For reference of those who give a shit, here are the members of each team and who they’re dressed as…
Hulk Hogan………………… (Hercules)
The Hillbilly Trio…………. (The Three Muskateers)
Capt. Lou Albano………… (Julius Caesar)
Tito Santana…………………(Zorro)
Junkyard Dog……………… (Mummy)
King Kong Bundy………… (Abraham Lincoln sans bullet wound)
Randy Savage & Liz……… (Tarzan & Jane)
Nikolai Volkoff……………… (Robin)
The Iron Sheik……………… (Batman)
Bobby Heenan……………… (Davy Crockett)
Roddy Piper…………………… (Super Roddy)
Pie Eating Contest: Capt. Lou Albano vs. King Kong Bundy – Who better to have in this contest than the most heavy set members from each team? With 60 seconds on the clock, both men are to eat as many “pies” as possible… those of chocolate syrup and whipped cream kinds, for all you 12-year old perverts. Although Bundy has an edge, Albano manages to get his beat stained enough to be declared the winner. (G – 1, B – 0)
Bobbing For Pumpkins: Cousin Junior vs. Bobby Heenan – Seconding Junior is Santana and JYD, and for Heenan it’s Savage and Elizabeth (looking REALLY hot). In the most pathetic moments in Hillbilly History, Cousin Junior loses the contest to Heenan, and in embarrasingly lop-sided fassion too! It seemed like Heenan and Savage were cheating a bit here and there, but Junior (or was it Luke?) sucked too much to overcome the odds anyway… loser. No wonder he vanished like a dick in… whoops, better take that out… (snickers). (G – 1, B- 1)
The Pumpkin Pass: Everyone Competes – With the game tied up at one, the bad guys look towards Super Roddy to help them win a contest where everyone kisses Eskimo Style while passing a pumpkin from neck to neck. Despite obvious help from Jesse Ventura, the heels drop the ball when Piper and Elizabeth mess up the exchange, no doubt because Piper was groping her as much as possible… while standing right next to Savage! Obviously, they blame the loss on Elizabeth… and the faces are the winners of the only Halloween Contest in Saturday Night’s Main Event History! (G – 2, B- 1)
Piper’s Pit with the Hillbilly Connection – Set up from the previous SNME were Piper interrupted the Uncle Elmer Wedding and pretty much pissed off every Hillbilly in the country. Jesse Ventura gets involved, setting up a match for the next SNME (during Ventura’s brief comeback attempt #2). The only other notable moment is Piper and Orton punking out Junior schoolyard style. Poor bastard… upstaged by Orton AND Heenan on the same show.
Halloween at Roddy Piper’s House – Amazingly, Piper makes another appearance in a non-wrestling role… from his “house”, featuring about 50 cardboard cutouts of himself while he wraps up bricks as candy bars and bowling balls as candied applies. Totally awesome segment with Piper rambling on about anything from Hulk Hogan to Indoor Plumming. Truly one of the best moments in the history of Saturday Night’s Main Event.
Final Thoughts: Definitely not a spectacular show for the wrestling, but the Halloween Segments and anything featuring Roddy Piper from the early-mid 80’s was totally awesome. This program is currently available on WWE 24/7, but you can easily find it from pretty much anyone else who collects wrestling tapes.
!-------------------end guest column-----------------!
Comment about this article on the ES Board!
Don't bug me, email the columnist!
BACK to Rasslin index
