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Guest Column 46! More from "OrangeGoblinFan".
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WWF November-December 1996 TV Compilation::
Time for the next to last tape of these compilations, recorded personally nearing a 4 year period. Unlike the last tape, I have seen this quite recently (OK, a year ago is more recent than 8), so I know right away what's gonna suck and what is any good. We start the tape out with the 1996 Survivor Series, then go into the matches building up for the IYH: It's Time PPV. If you're wondering what's with the lame ass name, I'm sure someone can fill it in.
Free For All; Tag Team Elimination Match:
Bart Gunn, "Double J" Jesse James, Aldo Montoya, Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly vs. Billy Gunn, The Sultan, Salvatore Sincere, Justin "Hawk Bradshaw (w/ Uncle Zebekiah & Iron Sheik):
Look at this collection of losers... gay cowboys, a karaoke singer, a guy named after a jelly-fish wrestling with a jock strap on his head, a racecar driver with a horrible mullet, a wannabe Iranian ruler, some Italian punk wearing pink, and a Stan Hansen ripoff. I dare anyone to find me a more pathetic group of people in 1 match, and not counting Royal Rumbles. The only "angle" here is the Smoking Gunns split, which means we get double the amount of Gunn matches than before. Happy me. You'll notice everyones favorite MSG super fan Vladimir in the front run, and he even gives Aldo a hug on his way to the ring. Lots of stalling to see who starts, and it ends up being Montoya and the Sultan. Lockup, and Sultan shoves Aldo down. Aldo with a standing side headlock, but a shoulder block puts him down. Sultan hammers away on Montoya and whips him to the corner. Stuff happens, and Montoya comes back with rights and a series of dropkicks. Fyling Jalupeņo by Montoya, followed by a plancha! He heads up top with a cross body press for a two count. Irish whip, and Montoya gets caught with his head down and is drilled with a piledriver. The Sultan finishes Montoya's night with the Camel Clutch at 2:59. Holly comes in to pound on the Sultan. Irish whip and he applies a Sleeper Hold, followed by a bulldog for a two count. Holly runs into a knee from Bradshaw, and the Sultan connects with a belly-to-belly suplex. Chinlock is applied as we go to a Survivor Series commercial. We come back to Bart Gunn applying a wristlock to Sincere, but gets thrown outside. Sultan slams Bart on the floor and Sincere follows with a basement dropkick... well, it hit the chest, but he dropkicked between the bottom and middle ropes. Back into the ring we go. Irish whip, and Sincere slams Bart by the hair. Irish whip is reversed, and Bart catches him with a side suplex (called a Sidewalk Slam) to eliminate Sincere at 6:53. Bradshaw comes in with boots to the face and knees to the midsection in the corner. J.R. says he'll be "something special before too long." I guess 9 years isn't too long. Bart comes back with stuff, and Holly tags in with his signature dropkick for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Bradshaw nails a big boot followed by a russian leg sweep for a two count. Holly gets sent to the corner as we go to Doc Hendrix backstage trying to talk with Austin. Holly monkey flips Bradshaw out of the ring, and back inside Holly connects with a hurricanrana. Irish whip is countered, and Bradshaw kills off Holly with the Lariat at 8:35. The Real Double J comes in with a roll up to eliminate Bradshaw at 8:44. That was fucked up, as Billy Gunn not only broke the count at 1, but Bradshaw was on his knees when White counted three. Super rushed match now. Sultan attacks Double J from behind and stomps his genitals. Irish whip to the corner, but Sultan misses a charge. Jesse James with his signature funky dance punches. He tries a hip toss, but Sultan blocks and drops him with a back breaker. Jesse James with a small package out of nowhere eliminates the Sultan at 9:43. Here comes Billy Gunn to have the New Age Outlaws feud, and he pins James with the Rocker Dropper (not yet named Fameasser and no longer called the sidewinder without Bart's side suplex portion of the move) at 9:58. Bart and Billy trade blows, with Billy taking control and tying Bart in the ropes. Billy calls Bart a son of a bitch. So he insulted his own mother? Oh well, no one ever accused Billy Gunn of being the fastest gun in the west. Billy misses a charge in the corner, and Bart finishes Billy off with the diving forearm at 10:46 to be the Sole Survivor. *1/2 Harmless fluff match, but a bit on the rushed side with the later eliminations.
- As usual for when I come across PPV matches, I'll spare you a deep review because you can probably find them everywhere, unless I'm feeling energetic enough. So with that out of the way, I'll just make random comments and note all eliminations.
Tag Team Elimination Match:
The Godwinns (Henry O. & Phineas I.), Doug Furnas, Phil LaFon (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, The New Rockers (Marty Jannetty & Leif Cassidy) (w/ Clarence Mason):
Interesting teams here, as there was no real angles. The Godwinns have been in limbo since their feud with the Smoking Gunns ended, the New Rockers were nothing more than JTTS', Owen and Bulldog were the champs, but were only stirring the pot between Shawn and Sid for the past 4 weeks, and Dour Furnas and Phil LaFon are making their WWF Debuts. Vladimir and Henry have a little thing it seems, for those who care. Phil LaFon has a nice mini match with both Rockers until the pig farmers tag in. Marty Jannetty (looking out of it), who had been quite successful in these matches in recent years (won his match in 1993 and last eliminated in 1991 and 1995) is the first eliminated, courtesy of Henry Godwinn's Slop Drop at 8:11. So long Marty, we'll never see you on another WWF PPV. Owen nails Henry with a running heel kick to eliminate him right after at 8:20. Bulldog finishes off Phineas with the running Powerslam not too long after at 9:05. That gets rid of all the dead weight, other than the Bulldog, but even he in 1996 was still light years better than both Godwinns. Furnas/Lafon v. Bulldog/Owen/Cassidy turns out to be quite a good match now that there's no interuptions with hillbillies. Cassidy is next to bite the bullet, being fucking killed by Lafon's reverse superplex at 13:43. Someone needs to bust that move out again. LaFon gets to play the face in peril. A surprise sunset flip from Lafon sends Bulldog to the showers at 17:22, leaving Owen by himself, but not before Davey Boy clips the knee before being forced back. Furnas finally gets the hot tag, and he kills Owen part two with a release german suplex that sees Owen land on the his fucking face. Obviously, that eliminates Owen at 20:43, making Furnas and LaFon the Survivors of the match. ***1/4 Again, once the Godwinns left, this busted out into a nice match with some great wrestling sequences and fucking stiff shots from LaFon/Furnas. Nice way for them to debut, but did WWF ever capitalize on that? I can easily say no.
The Undertaker vs. Mankind (w/ Paul Bearer):
This is Round 5 of 49,530 in the feud between the Undertaker and Mankind. Paul Bearer is hanging above the ring inside that little cage thingy that NWA would bust out all the time for J.J. Dillon and other nefarious heel managers. The Undertaker debuts his new and more familiar to modern fans leather outfit look, ditching the purple shit, which kinda symbolized some of the worst matches he ever had. The usual Undertaker/Manind match. Not better than Buried Alive, but much better than King of the Ring. After a nice little end sequence wih both men working in their big spots, Undertaker catches Mankind in position for the Tombstone and plants him for the victory at 14:54. **1/4 Already gave a small opinion earlier. Undertaker is supposed to get his hands on Bearer, but the Eexecutioner (Terry Gordy) makes the save once again.
Tag Team Elimination Match:
"Wildman" Marc Mero, "The Stalker" Barry Windham, Rocky Miavia, ::Mystery Partner:: (w/ Sable) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry "The King" Lawler, Crush, Goldust (w/ Marlena):
Because of the actions earlier in the day on Superstars, Mark Henry is not physically able to compete... yeah, I'm surprised too. Instead of going it 4-on-3, team captain Marc Mero introduces their NEW Partner... Jake "The Snake" Roberts. The only angle of note is the Mero/Helmsley situation that ended up going nowhere thanks to Mero's knee surgery in early 1997. You could also say Roberts/Lawler was a program, but Jake has been MIA on these tapes since losing at SummerSlam. He's also ditched the vest hes been wearing, exposing his out of shape body to the world. Jim Ross loves calling Rocky Miavia a "Blue Chipper." For some reason during the intros, Finkel flashes the "X" signal to Miavia. Sunny joins the commentary team for no real reason but to get her on the show. I still can't believe she went from this in 1996 to what we know today in 2005. Crush doesn't have Clarence Mason with him, and Mr. Perfect already ditched the promotion, so he's absent from Hunter's corner. While nothing happens, Sunny brags about being the most downloaded woman on AOL or whatever. At the 6 minute mark, we get the first ever meeting between Rocky Miavia and Hunter Hearst Helmsley. It sure as hell wouldn't be the last in their careers. The first elimination can't come soon enough, with Roberts drilling Lawler with the DDT at 10:00. The Stalker is next to go, being heart punched from behind by Crush and Goldust connecting with the Curtain Call at 12:43. Mero gets a small measure of revenge, coming off the top with a standing moonsault, eliminating Hunter Hearst Helmsley at 19:20. Marc Mero misses a plancha on both Crush and Goldust, and he jobs to the fucking heart punch at 20:29. Jake Roberts doesn't last much longer in the ring, taking the fall to the heart punch as well, this time at 20:53. Rocky Miavia makes the miracle debut comeback, by pinning Crush with a cross body press at 23:11 and finishing off Goldust with the most electrifiying move in sports entertainment... a SHOULDER BREAKER, at 23:43, making Rocky Miavia the sole Survivor. * Horribly long and dull match with nothing of interest happening between falls. Considering everyone sucked on the heel side and only Mero was the only wrestler in good enough physical shape on the face team, it's not much of a surprise.
Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin:
Winner of this match faces the WWF Champion at In Your House: It's Time! This feud was one of the few things WWF promoted and executed well in 1996, despite the fact Bret coming back wasn't a guaranteed thing. Ever since Austin won the King of the Ring Tournament, he's been throwing threats at Hart and called him a coward. On the October 21st Raw, Bret made his return to accept the challenge, much to the delight of Austin's best friend Brian Pillman (which resulted in a "shattered" ankle). The crowd goes super-happy for Bret's entrance. (Side Note: Damn you WWF for the tease last month!) Jim Ross compares this to Tyson v. Holyfield (not the ear biting one). I'll spare the commentary, but it's easily the best match of the year for WWF, with some great sequences and psycology. Neither man pulled out anything flashy, which makes it better because they relied on good old fassion wrestling. After about 17 minutes, Austin takes the match outside and obliterates Bret Hart, including a nice little tableside ass kicking. Both men pull out all the stops nearing the end, with Austin failing to win with the Stunner, and thus opts to go for the submission win with the Texas Cloverleaf. I don't think anyone's done that move in WWF much since (or before) then. Austin goes even more old school by using the Million Dollar Dream, the move he used for about a month when managed by Ted Dibiase. Hart in a move of desperation, kicks off the buckle and rolls over Austin into a pinning predicament, and that's good enough for the hard fought victory at 28:37. ***** Like you really need to fucking know the way I've been verbally blowing the match the whole time.
Tag Team Elimination Match:
Savio Vega, Yokozuna, Flash Funk, ::Mystery Partner:: vs. Faarooq Asad, "Razor Ramon", "Diesel", Vader (w/ Clarence Mason & Jim Cornette):
I'd first like to say, if the WWF promotes a MYSTERY Partner, it's gonna suck, because if they had any confidence in the mystery, they would promote it in advance to sell more tickets and get more buyrates. Remember what I said about finding me a bigger batch of pathetic losers than the Free for All guys? Well, here we go... you have a Puerto Rican "Legend" that used to be a Ninja, a barely mobile Samoan who thinks he's Japanese, a dancing Pimp, a guy with a fatter ass than Rikishi dressed like a gay gladiator, two guys impersonating people in WCW, and Vader, who was made the bitch to a toothpick legged girl. The Mystery Partner... Jimmy Snuka, the girlfriend killing whacko who's older than dirt. The PPV is rapidly running low of it's allowed time (2 hours 40 minutes generally), so expect a rushed match. Faarooq is debuting his new, and "better" Nation of Domination look, complete with rapping white boys (formerly PG-13) and an entourage of losers, including a younger (and heavier) D'Lo Brown. Jim Ross with another awesome comment on the show, saying "yellow and red never looked so good in MSG" in regards to Flash Funk's attire. Jim Cornette joins commentary, and he and Jim Ross throw insults at each other. Cornette does his best to put over Snuka as a threat, but let's be serious. He's been nothing but a JTTS since his 1st return in 1989. Funk and Vader have a nice little mini-match, but the rest is dog shit. Yokozuna never legally tags in because he's that out of shape, and only does a brief run in to Rock Bottom (and injure) Vader. Savio, Diesel and Ramon sucked, Faarooq was never any good, and Jimmy Snuka was about 70 years past his prime. After a bunch of nothing, Faarooq sends Savio into the ring post, and "Diesel" Finishes him with the Powerbomb at 8:32. Snuka comes in to take a beating, but mounts a quick comeback and is able to eliminate "Razor Ramon" following the Superfly Splash at 9:27. From there it's "Bonzo Gonzo" as everyone brawls and uses chairs on each other until the referee DQ's everyone at 9:44. LAME! No One Survives. 3/4* For the stuff with Flash Funk (a.k.a 2 Cold Scorpio), but the rest is forgetable crap.
[Warning: Heavy amounts of Shawn Michaels bashing is about to take place. Beware of random comments that make no sense and hatred you've never seen before, because I am a petty idiot with nothing better to do.]
WWF World Championship Match:
Shawn Michaels (w/ Jose Lethario) vs. Psycho Sid:
This is your main event for Survivor Series '96, a match that should've happend at SummerSlam '95 but for some unknown reason was changed to Michaels/Ramon I. Sid gets a nice sized babyface pop for his entrance and gets words of encouragment from Vladimir, which consists of saying "You the man" back and forth, kinda like with Rocky and Apolos manager in Rocky IV where they keep repeating "no pain." Michaels gets the little girl pop for his entrance (unless it's a bunch of 11 year old boys who haven't hit puberty) and gets mauled by some whore in the front row. Sid actually fights fire with fire using headlocks, head scissors, kipping up, and bitch slapping Shawn. Crowd boos Shawn running outside and starts a nice "Sid" chant. Michaels working the leg does NOT make him the babyface of the match, as the male portion of the crowdis really not into what Michaels is selling. "Let's Go Sid" chant as Shawn continues working the leg. Crowd with the loudest boos of the night for Shawn applying the figure four. Jim Ross saying Shawn isn't a small man is one of the most laughable comments of the night. A guy who barely is 6'0" and 220 pounds soaking wet is big? Crowd is ripping into Shawn now with a chorus of the boo birds. Sid kicks away at Shawn in the corner while trying to support his weight from the leg work done earlier. Sid controls for a few minutes, but Michaels with a basement dropkick starts the boos again. Shawn gets dumped, but he skins the cat, so Sid clotheslines him out to a big pop. Whenever the little girls pop for Shawn, everyone else makes sure to drown it out with boos. God Damn, I love MSG. Sid catches Shawn off the top with a back breaker for a two count. Sid busts out the Million $ Dream/Cobra Clutch, proving he's Mr. Workrate. The longer the match goes, the more in favor the crowd is for Sid. Superkick is blocked and a Chokeslam makes the crowd errupt. Sid calls for the end, but Michaels cradles him for a two count. Shawn goes into his 5 moves of doom, or tries to, as Sid clotheslines him down for kipping up. Sid steals a camera from the cameraman and clobbers Lethario off the ring apron with it! Lethario bumped better than half the people on the PPV. Michaels with a superkick out of nowhere, but he'd rather help his mentor (or KO Sid with his finishing move just so Sid doesn't get a 100% rub since he never kicked out from it). To top it off, we get a referee bump. Sid now smacks Shawn with the camera, to the delight of everyone in the front row. Sid tosses Shawn into the ring, and the Powerbomb finishes Shawns night and his first reign of terror at 19:59. To say the crowd loved it would be an understatement. All the girls groaned at two, but the real crowd goes nuts for the three count. **1/2 Probably Sid's best match in the WWF, but giving all credit to Shawn would be Bullshit. After the first 5 minutes when the crowd turned on him, Shawn seemed to go into cruise control with the match, resulting in a long and boring stretch that would make me quesiton booking the match to go longer than 13 minutes. Am I accusing Shawn Michaels of being a crybaby? Figure it out yourself. Oh, and Sid gets a nice big hug from Vladimir on his way back to the locker room.
End of PPV Broadcast.
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"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. Mankind (w/ Paul Bearer):
From the Raw after Survivor Series. Yes, this is a heel vs. heel match, and Mankind is also subbing for Vader, who was injured thanks to a sloppy slam by Yokozuna the previous night. This is a "Toughman Match", but there are DQ's. Both guys lost at the PPV, so this is going to be a bit weird to see who gets to job even more inside of a 24 hour period. Mankind attacks Austin in the entrance to start. The two exchange roundhouse rights, with Austin taking over. Mankind rakes the eyes to take over and pounds Austin up the entrance area. Austin with a tackle and they roll around brawling while 4 referee's can't seperate them. Mankind throws over a referee to jump Austin and rub his face into the concrete. Austin charges back up and nails a clothesline. Mankind whips Austin into the steel stepsand follows up with stomping. Mankind nails the running knee to the face against the steps. The bell FINALLY rings as Austin beats on Mankind in the corner and stomps a mudhole. Austin literally kicks Mankind out of the ring, then nails an elbow drop across the chest. Austin off the apron with a double axehandle. Back into the ring, but Mankind takes it back out and sends Austin into the steps. Austin drags Mankind out this time as I notice 1 guy dressed as Cactus Jack and another loser like Vader. Inside the ring, Mankind chokes down Austin in the corner, but no sells and charges out with a clothesline and follows with mounted punches. Austin knocks Mankind out through the ropes, so he grabs a chair. Austin boots him down before he can use it, though. Austin with the chair, but Hebner takes it away, giving Mankind the opening for a sneak attack. Austin hurls Mankind into the security railing, and he takes a nice little spill into the crowd. Austin drags Mankind back into the ring as we go to a commercial break. Mankind chokes down Austin and nails a guillotine leg drop across the apron. Mankind slams Austin across the security rail. Austin comes back with a series of rights, then tries a suplex to the outside. Mankind blocks, and suplexes Austin back into the ring. Irish whip is reversed, but Mankind takes Austin down with a swinging neck breaker. Mankind with a leg drop then slams Austins face into the canvas. Irish whip is reversed, and Austin applies a Sleeper hold. Mankind breaks by backing Austin into the corner, but runs face first into a boot. Austin comes charging, but Mankind steals a page from Austin and puts him down with a clothesline this time. Austin blocks the wedgie piledriver by back dropping Mankind onto the apron, but Mankind stuns Austin acorss the top rope. Mankind heads up to the top rope, but Austin beats him around and snapmares him off. Mudhole sotmping part II from Austin, followed by some choking. Mankind gets knocked to the outside, but he pulls out Austin and sends him into the ring steps. Choking from Mankind, and this time Austin drops him across the security rail. Back into the ring, and Austin snapmares Mankind and comes off the second turnbuckle with an elbow drop for a two count. Austin with shoulders into the midsection of Mankind, sending Mankind spilling out again. The beating continues, and here comes the Executioner to attack Austin from behind, drawing the DQ at 8:30. ***1/4 I guess that was the only way to go to make everyone look good without doing a real job. A very fresh and intense brawl from two guys who would later perfect the template of the main event brawl. This goes to show you that you don't need weapons to have a brutal ass kicking match. Mankind and Executioner double team Austin until The Undertaker makes the save and cleans house of the badder guys. Austin shows his appreciation by clotheslining Undertaker over the top rope, but that obviously has no effect on him. Undertaker wants Austin now, but Austin is smart enough to walk away from this fight.
Savio Vega vs. Faarooq (w/ Clarence Mason & PG-13):
Faarooq has since... uh... the night before, dropped the "Asad" part of his name, because really, what the hell did that mean anyway? Seems like a worthless tack on name just for the hell of tacking on a name. Is it me, or is Vega the go to guy recently when it comes to getting your ass kicked by a debuting guy or someone who has been repackaged? We see Ahmed Johnson sitting in the cheap seats of the arena next to a guy in an nWo shirt. Here comes Sunny again for no real reason, but I won't be complaining any time soon. Damn this NOD rap intro is getting a bitch catchy. Faarooq is carrying around a 2x4 in honor of Jim Duggan. Vega doesn't even get an introduction for the match as we cut to a commercial and the Acclaim Slam of the Week. Faarooq hammers away with rights. Irish whip to the corner, and Faarooq misses a charge. Arm drag and dropkick by Vega, followed by mounted punches in the corner. Irish whip to the corner, and Vega with a monkey flip, then applies a wristlock. Vega turns it into a hammerlock while Lawler hits on Sunny. Irish whip, and Vega with a cross body press for a two count. Hip toss for another two count for Vega, and he works the armbar again. Faarooq fights free and drills Savio with a spinebuster. Irish whip to the corner, and Vega oversells. Snap suplex by Faarooq for a two count. Vega gets rammed into the buckle, and Faarooq follows with a nasty back suplex with Vega landing on his head. Commercial break, and we come back with Faarooq working in a chinlock. Vega mounts a comeback by ramming Faarooq face first into the canvas and mounts him with rights. Vega with a scoop slam, but he misses an elbow drop. They head up top, where they botch a superplex, and take a scary double bump to the outside. I'm surprised Faarooq didn't hurt himself there. They head back in the ring without any problem, and Savio nails the spinning heel kick. Savio misses a charge and lands outside, where one of the PG-13 guys clobbers Vega with the 2x4, allowing Faarooq to pin him at 8:15. * Basically an extended squash, but it wasn't as bad as I figured it would be. Johnson runs and slams the 2x4 white guy down and scares everyone off. Ahmed gets on the microphone, and screams "Yo' Gobba Dun!" over and over again.
Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon vs. Leif Cassidy & Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly:
Excuse me while I question what the hell is going on here. The night before (and for nearly 3 years) Holly had played a babyface, and now he's teaming with Cassidy, who had been teaming with Jannetty for most of 1996 and played a heel. I'm guessing Jannetty missed the show, probably because of personal demons. If I recall, Jannetty was released shortly after this, so maybe my blind guessing is correct. Lou Albano is wandering around the ring for some reason. LaFon and Cassidy lockup into the corner, and we get a clean break. Greco-Roman knuckleock is turning into an overhead wristlock by Cassidy. LaFon with a shoulder tackle, followed by a side kick to the midsection. Cassidy return the favor, but a suplex attempt is blocked into a armbar takedown. Cassidy counters into a head scissors, then we get a bridge up from a pin. Back slide is attempt is blocked, and LaFon connects with a reverse enziguri, sending Cassidy out. Holly tags in and applies a wristlock. LaFon counters and tags in Furnas as we go to a split screen promo with the Tag Champs. Waistlock takedown by Furnas, but Holly rolls free. Standing side headlock by Holly, and a criss cross leads to an arm drag by Furnas. Furnas with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex on Cassidy, and LaFon tags in and connects with a spinning heel kick for a two count. Standing side kick to the side of the head of Cassidy for a two count. Commercial break, and we have the "heels" in control. LaFon hammers on both men, but an eye rake ends that. Holly connects with his signature dropkick for a two count. Lawler mentions Albert Belle signing a ridiculous contract with the White Sox, so when he asks McMahon for a raise, McMahon pretends he didn't hear him. Holly goes up top and misses an elbow drop. Furnas with the mild tag and shoulder blocks to both men. Irish whip and Furnas with a dropkick for a two count. Irish whip and Furnas with a hurricanrana (called a frankensteiner, the true name I guess), but Cassidy breaks the count. Furnas clotheslines Cassidy into the 90's and tags LaFon in, who walks into a Tiger Suplex by Cassidy for a two count. Cassidy with bitch slaps, so Furnas comes back with a cobra clutch suplex for the easy pinfall at 5:57. Ouch. **1/2 I don't know what that was called, but it looked painful. As some would say, this was perfectly acceptable wrestling, although it was a bit short on heat. I can credit that for LaFon & Furnas being new and unknown to WWF fans and Cassidy and Holly being heatless stiffs.
- Jim Ross with a VERY SPECIAL MAIN EVENT Interview with Sid Vicious, the new World Champion of the WWF. Vicious... I mean, Psycho Sid did what he did to Lethario because he got on the apron to be a part of "the game." Sid says he can beat Michaels again if he wants a rematch, because he's the man and the master and the ruler of the World. Well, Sid was never known to construct sentences well.
Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Owen Hart (w/ Clarence Mason):
Oh hell yeah. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the first time I remember these two wrestling on TV since the Raw before Wrestlemania XI, which Bret won (as usual) in a No Holds Barred Match. Since then, Owen has become a 2-time Tag Team Champion and a Slammy Award Winner. Lockup into the corner, and we get a not so nice clean break. Lockup #2 and we get the same result. Owen applies a wristlock as JR makes fun of John Madden. Bret kips up into a counter, but Owen yanks him down by the hair. Bret back up to return the favor. Bret with an arm drag takeover and into an armbar. Bret with a wristlock, and Owen does his special counter into a wristlock of his own. Irish whip, and Bret with a back elbow followed by an elbow drop. Bret goes back to the armbar and into a hammerlock. Owen counters with a drop toe hold into a headlock, but Bret escapes and goes back to the hammerlock. Shoving and bitch slaps from both men and Bret rolls up Owen for a two count. Bret with another armbar, and thats countered into a hammerlock. Owen with a elbow to the side of the head, but he's taken down with a hip toss and clothesline. Wristlock by Bret and back to the armbar. Owen fights free with rights, but a whip to the corner is reversed and Bret puts Owen down with a back body drop. Roll up by Bret gets a two count and he works the arm again. Irish whip, and Owen drops Bret with a knee to the midsection and stomps near the grapefruits. Owen with a series of forearms in the corner followed by some stomping. Irish whip to the corner, but Bret doesn't do his traditional chest bump. Back breaker by Owen, and another hard whip to the corner. Owen goes old school and applies a camel clutch. [Random TV Note: Cano with a Grand Slam to tie the game! Check that... A-Rod with a home run to take the lead!] Back to the match, and Bret gets out of the Clutch and hammers away at the midseciton. Owen catches Bret off the ropes with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Owen escapes a back breaker to nail a enziguri. Commercial Break, and we come back to Bret slamming Owen off the top rope. Both men exchange rights, with Bret taking control. Irish whip and Hart goes into his five moves of doom (russian leg sweep, back breaker, elbow drop), but gets cut off after three. Owen with asunset flip, but it's countered into a Sharpshooter, but here's Austin to level Hart with a chair to draw a DQ at 9:26. *** Not one of their best matches, not even on a TV scale, but still a good TV match. It could've been better off with more time, though. Austin tries to "Pillmanize" Bret, but the Bulldog off all people makes the save, without actually doing anything to anyone. Austin and Bulldog mouth off, so Austin KO's him with the chair instead, which leads to Owen mouthing off to Austin. This was the start of the teased tension between Owen and Bulldog, but we all know where that went.
Freddy Joe Floyd vs. The Executioner (w/ Paul Bearer & Mankind):
What is up with Floyd being the sacrificial lamb to Paul Bearer's guys? This is one of very few in-ring appearences of Terry Gordy as the Executioner, and I'm sure you can figure out why. Pre-taped promo from Paul Bearer while the Executioner gropes his axe. Lockup into the corner and Gordy misses a cheap shot. Arm drag and firemans carry by Floyd, but Executioner no sells and knees him in the face. Irish whip, and he connects with a dropkick, followed by a clothesline to send him out of the ring. Back into the ring and he whips Floyd to the corner. Running bulldog by the Executioner, but he opts to not cover. We go to a split screen with Doc Hendrix (FREEBIRDS!) while Executioner kicks away at Freddy Joe Pete Bob Ray. Back suplex by the Executioner, and he whips him to the corner again. Scoop slam by Executioner, but he misses an elbow drop. Floyd comes back with rights and a kick to the side of the head for a two count. They exchange blows, with the Executioner winning and he nails several clotheslines in the corner. Executioner gives Floyd the Asian Spike (basically a nerve hold) for the win at 3:10. 1/2* Pretty much a worthless squash match, and not a very good one at that. I could see why Floyd was used here. He and Gordy both competed in SMW following Gordy's problems, so I'm sure they crossed paths plenty times there.
Rocky Miavia vs. Salvatore Sincere:
Oh man will this be bad. Sunny comes out again, for no particular reason, but she's about a 56 out of 10 on the hot meter so no one will bitch. Speaking of Sunny, she had to job to Sable in the Karate Fighters Tournament via a Dusty Finish. She KO's the stupid referee for fucking her, and not in the good way. Salvatore Sincere loves us all, you know. He said so because he's so sincere. We get comments from Lou Albano and Don Muraco about Miavia. Lockup to start into the corner, and Sincere with kisses to Miavia. Sincere with a standing side headlock and shoulder block, but Miavis no sells. Miavia with a dropkick followed by an arm drag. Irish whip, and another arm drag and into an armbar while Sunny pretends to be turned on by Miavia. Rocky works the arm a bit, but no one cares. Sincere ducks a charge, allowing Miavia to spill outside. Sincere with the baseball slide style dropkick and now he poses to very little heat. Miavias sling shots Sincere out of the ring. Sincere drops Miavia across the top rope while Sunny insults Lawler for being out of shape. Inside the ring, and a series of arm drag counters leads to a crappy side suplex from Salvatore Bellomo... I mean Sincere. I'm so bored by this match I'm starting songs from the Lost Boys soundtrack, available at Amazon.com for all your shopping needs! Miavia does a funky move before finishing the match with the worst finishing move ever since the Heart Punch at 4:27. DUD I can sum up this match using one word... crap, or probably dull. But yeah, this match really sucked.
"Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. Billy Gunn:
This tape's quality sure did take a nose dive to hell since the Bret/Owen match (editor's note, while
doing a bad Paul Bearer impersonation: "You are standing at the lower forhead..of
the Nosedive to Hell". Okay, sounded better when I thought of it). In the last month on these tapes, Mero has done three pinfall jobs. Hopefully that streak doesn't continue. Gunn attacks from behind with rights followed by a back elbow. Hunter Hearst Helmsley is on the commentary, but I didn't see him. Mero with back drops and a clothesline to send Gunn out. Mero teases a plancha and comes off the apron with a sledge. Back into the ring and Mero nails the slingshot leg drop for a two count. Mero hammers away in the corner then mounts Billy for more punishment. That comment sure did sound gay, didn't it? Irish whip to the corner and Mero boots Gunn in the face. Mero to the top rope, and he nails the moonsault for a two count. Lameasser out of nowhere from the One Billy Gunn, followed by some stomping. Gunn takes 5 seconds to execute a standing dropkick. The commentary seems to indicate that Hunter turned on Mr. Perfect after winning the IC Title, the WWF's excuse because of Hennig's sudden departure from the company. Boring chinlock from Gunn, by the way. Mero tries a comeback, but a dropkick to the knee keeps him down. For some reason the referee keeps counting down Mero despite his shoulder being up. Gunn with one of the ugliest knee drops I've ever seen for a two count. Small package from Mero out of parts Unknown for his own two count. Gunn puts him down with a clothesline, followed by the rude awakening. Swinging neck breaker from Gunn and he goofs around while sucking wind. Billy G. goes up top, but Mero crotches him. Commercial break, meaning the match is LONGER. Slam of the Week is Flash Funk splattering a jobber with the 450 Splash, or whatever he called it. We come back with Mero nailing a hurricanrana for a two count. Hunter goes after Sable as Mero puts Gunn down with a Samoan Drop. He goes over Helmsley, which leads to a double teaming from the heels, and that draws a DQ at 8:41. 1/4* Random rating thrown on here, because the match sucked. Mero can't fucking get a pinfall win over Billy Fucking Gunn? Jake Roberts and his gut makes the save for about 1 second before getting stomped on like a bunch of grapes. If anyone knows where I got that joke from (hint: Fox TV Show back in the day), a million cookies to you.
Flash Funk (w/ The Funkettes) vs. The Goon:
This is our first look at Flash Funk on Monday Night Raw. Vince McMahon grooves at the commentary table, to the delight of no one. Goon attacks from behind, as usual, with punching galore. Knee to the midsection and the Goon with a scoop slam followed by an elbow drop. Snapmare and reverse chinlock by the Goon. Funk kicks him in the face to break free and now pounds away. Irish whip is countered, but Funk catches Goon with a sunset flip for a two count. Goon puts Funk down with a clothesline then resorts to some kicking. Irish whip and Goon takes over Funk with an arm drag. Funk comes back with one of his own and works on the armbar. Funk dropkicks Goon out of the ring and comes off the top with a plancha. Goon pokes Funk in the eyes, but misses his cross checking. Funk heads up again and nails a moonsault to the outside (but Goon was out of position). Commercial break and we come back to Hulk... I mean Funk (in Red & Yellow) dropping a leg for a two count. Goon with a bunch of punches followed by a suplex. Goon to the second turnbuckle and he connects with an elbow drop for a two count. Irish whip and Goon boots Funk in the head of the head. Funk comes back with an enziguri, then comes off the top, missing a moonsault. Goon misses a charge to the corner, allowing Funk to nail a back drop and a back flip leg drop for the victory at 5:33. I don't know how people can do those things. 3/4* for Funk's offense, but everything else was a pile of shit.
- Highlights from the July 19th, 1993 Monday Night Raw where Jerry Lawler took Tiny Tim's Ukelele and smashed it against a chair. They aired this in honor of Tiny Tim, who passed away around the time of this show.
Phineas I. Godwinn (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. "Diesel":
Blech, it's the prequel to the -***** suckfest between Kane and Mideon at the 1999 UK No Mercy event. Of course, Glen Jacobs really sucked back in 95-96, so you won't see me cream my pants here. Diesel hammers on Godwinn in the corner and connects with a clothesline. Diesel with a delayed side suplex followed by a leg drop. Diesel with some choking across the middle rope followed by a sit down splash across the back of Phineas. Diesel with the foot choke in the corner followed by stomping to the midsection. Diesel continues beating away on Phineas with elbows. Irish whip to the corner, and Diesel puts Phineas down with a back elbow. Irish whip is reversed, and Godwinn with a back suplex. Here comes "Razor Ramon" as Godwinn puts Diesel down with a back elbow. Slop Drop attempt, but Ramon distracts Godwinn from performing it. Boot to the chest by Diesel, and the Powerbomb finishes it at 3:35. * Surprisingly not an entirely bad match, and thank God they kept this one short. Phineas literally got in two moves of offense in this squash match.
"Double J" Jesse James vs. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw (w/ Uncle Zebekiah):
Can this tape get any worse? We already saw these two guys at Survivor Series (and in Bradshaw's case, all of 1996), so we know their history. Is this a result of the botched pinfall at Survivor Series? This report says who cares. Bradshaw starts with a knee to the midsection and a forearm across the back. Irish whip, and James jabs away. Irish whip is countered and James nails a diving forearm for a two count. Jesse James with two dropkicks sends Bradshaw spilling to the outside. Lockup into the corner, and Bradshaw with a series of forarms across the chest. Irish whip is reversed, and James boots him in the head. Bradshaw returns the favor with more results. Bradshaw with an elbow across the back of the head, followed by a Mahistral cradle(?!) for a two count. Irish whip to the corner and Bradshaw follows in with a clothesline. Bradshaw chokes James across the middle rope, and Zebekiah gets in a cheap shot for good measure. James blocks a suplex and takes over Bradshaw with one of his own. Irish whip, and Bradshaw connects with a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Bradshaw applies a chinlock as I hit the fast forward button. James escapes with a back suplex, but Bradshaw no sells and beats on him. Irish whip, and Bradshaw boots him in the midsection, but James blocks a powerbomb with a back drop. Irish whip to the corner, and James nails the charging clothesline. James knocks down Uncle Zeb, so Bradshaw kills him off with the Lariat at 5:56. So much for Jesse James "undefeated streak." 3/4* Pretty bad match with a dead crowd, but it doesn't really matter I guess. The branding iron looks surprisingly like black shoe polish.
- Highlights from London, England on Wednesday. Austin knocks out Sid with the Title Belt, and out comes the British Bulldog to kick Austins ass. Sid isn't happy though, so he goes to powerbomb Bulldog, but Bret Hart makes the save for Davey Boy. Bret and Sid go face-to-face, and here's Austin to attack Hart now, which leads to Sid chokeslamming Hart to hell. Promos from Austin, Owen, Davey Boy, Bret, and Sid follows. Slam of the Week, by the way, is Leif Cassidy pinning what looks like Scott Taylor with a moonsault and a german suplex.
"Wildman" Marc Mero & Jake "The Snake" Roberts (w/ Sable) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley & Billy Gunn:
This is the tag match from hell, if there's ever been one. Thank God it's the last match on the tape. Of course this is a direct result of last weeks horrible Marc Mero vs. Billy Gunn match that set the rain forrests on fire. If you think hard, you'll realize that this would later be a combination of D-Generation X. Ironically enough, it's the (at the time) two least talented workers of the stable. If you think I'm reviewing this match, you're nuts, because it's going to suck a whole lot of dick. Much more than 37. If you get THAT reference, more cookies to you. Incredibly long and boring match sees Roberts play the drunken face-in-peril. Gunn and Helmsley end up having a spat, resulting in Gunn ditching his partner. Mero finishes off Helmsley with the samoan drop and Wild Thing (a Shooting Star Press) at 12:31. I thank God I didn't have to sit through this, because even on Fast Forward, it was a boring piece of crap. No Rating since I didn't actually watch it.
Final Thoughts: We're coming down to the wire folks, and this might be my favorite tape for the first 4+ hours. A Great PPV followed by 3 very good-great TV Matches makes me a happy camper, but damn, too many silly gimmicks that no one cared for and a streak of bad matches in the last hour or so makes me a little sad again. Coming up next is the final compilation tape I've made until just 3 months ago, and on this tape, things are going to change.
!-------------------end guest column-----------------!
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