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- Time for an "Action-Packed" six-hours of WWF Wrestling from April-May of 1996. I think starting on the next one, I'll be gimmicking up... I'll use horrible grammar, rant aimlessly about random things, and give good ratings to matches like Warrior/Savage vs. The Nasty Boys or Tatanka vs. Kato. Anyway, this tape is nothing but regular television following Wrestlemania XII, up until the Beware Of Dog PPV (I have neither of the 2 PPVs from April and May... Thank God). It's time for April Fools Day, 1996 and the first match...
- Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly vs. Mankind:
How appropriate is it that Mankinds TV Debut was on April Fools Day? Holly is in Jobber mode even more, as he doesn't even get an entrance. Mankind attacks Holly at the bell and clubs him down with a series of forearms and a headbutt. Mankind hammers on Holly in the corner with a flury of punches, then connects with a running knee to the face in the corner. Mankind then pulls some of his hair out to show he's a crazy S.O.B. Holly gets some jobber offense (kicks and punches) and nails a clothesline followed by a dropkick. Holly misses a cross body, and spills outside. Mankind with a stun gu onto the apron as some fans chant "He's Hardcore! He's Hardcore! He's Hardcore!" Mankind puts Holly in the Tree-of-Woe and connects with a running axehandle to the face. Mandible Claw is applied, and the referee calls for the bell at around 3:21. ** Match did its job, and was pretty entertaining for such a quick match. Mankind finally releases the hold as Holly coughs up saliva... or has some kind of build up in his lungs. I can't believe I'm resorting to stealing South Park jokes about Paris Hilton.
- "Wildman" Marc Mero vs. Isaac Yankem D.D.S:
Poor Glen Jacobs... he doesn't get an entrance either, and he gets to put over the winner of the Little Richard look-a-like contest. Yankem wins the lock ups, but a dropkick sends him out of the ring. Mero connects with a somersault plancha (!) followed by a slingshot leg drop back into the ring for two. Irish whip is reversed, and Mero catches Yankem with a headscissors takeover. DAMN I didn't know Kane could bump like that. Mero with a knee lift followed by a double axehandle for a two count. Yankem catches mero in the corner with a boot followed by a clothesline. Helmsley comes out to bother Sable in the front row as Yankem connects with a back suplex for a two count. The match goes downhill with a boring chinlock session two minutes into the match. Mero fights free and gets a crucifix for a two count. Yankem continues hammering away on Mero until the former Johnny B. Badd catches him with a quite odd victory roll for another two count. Stuff happens until Mero hammers away on Yankem with rights and a kicks. To the top rope, and Mero with a sunset flip for the victory at 4:27. *1/2 Eh... I've seen worse than this, as it was actually entertaining except for that chinlock spot. This might've been the last appearence on these tapes of Yankem, before Glen Jacobs returned as Diesel II. Poor bastard...
- Aldo Montoya & Barry Horowitz vs. The Body Donnas (w/ Sunny):
The Donnas won the Tag Titles the night before in the tournament finals against the Godwinns, but this match is non-title. Montoya starts with Skip, and the two lockup. Chops in the corner exchanged, and we get a criss cross sequence. Montoya with a side headlock followed by a shoulderblock gets a two count. Headlock takeover by Montoya, and Skip reverses with a head scissors. Zip tags in and walks into a headlock takeover. Montoya controls some more until Zip takes a break outside the ring. Horowitz tags in and gets taken down by a headlock. Zip with a series of single leg trips, but Horowitz escapes each time. Horowitz with a wristlock, and Montoya comes off the top with a sledgehammer and applies his own wristlock. Skip with a blind tag and he hammers away on the Montoya. Double teaming and the Donnas drops Montoya with a flap jack. Skip with a snap suplex and Zip comes in with an elbow drop for a two count. Skip tags in for more punishment, and he dumps Aldo out of the ring. Montoya suplex Skip out of the ring to the floor, and connects with a plancha. Horowitz tags in with a high knee and catches Skip with a cradle for a two count. Montoya comes in with a cross body press for another two count. Skip no sells and catches Aldo with a Tiger Suplex for another two count. Spinebuster connects, and Aldo is dead. Skip with a top rope hurricanrana, and Zip follows up with the butt splash from the top rope (stealing DOINK THE CLOWN'S finisher?!) ends it at 5:32. *3/4 Another decent match... hey, it's a miracle! I guess the tape goes downhill from here.
- The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw (w/ Uncle Zebekiah):
Eight years later and THIS pile of garbage go-main events the second biggest show of the year. Bradshaw attacks from behind with a series of punches and knee lifts. Irish whip to the corner, and Undertaker with a big boot to the face. Bradshaw catches him with a powerslam, but it's no sold. Lariat connects followed by an elbow drop. Undertaker is knocked out of the ring as we go to the commercial break. We come back with Undertaker running into a side suplex for a two count. Top rope shoulder tackle by Bradshaw gets a two count. Bradshaw goes for it again, but Undertaker catches him with a powerslam. Bradshaw no sells and hits a second Lariat (way to waste all your moves, you talentless piece of shit). He goes for a THIRD (no wonder it took 8 years to get an actual push), but Undertaker ducks and connects with his diving clothesline. Super chokeslam by the 'Taker, and he puts Bradshaw down with a Tombstone Piledriver, but Mankind runs in for the DQ at 4:21. DUD Mankind pounds away on Undertaker after the match, and connects with the running elbow drop from the apron. Mandible Claw puts Undertaker out (more coughing up!).
- Vince McMahon In-Ring Interview with Shawn Michaels. Pointless, ego stroking interview until Jerry Lawler of all people issues a challenge to Shawn Michaels for next week's episode of Monday Night Raw. Jesus... Christ. Please keep Lawler out of the ring! For the love of all things holy!
- Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
Droese rushes the ring, and catches Hunter with a ba-a-a-a-ck body drop. Clothesline and slam by Droese, and another clothesline sends Helmsley out of the ring. Bitch slap by Droese, and he sends Hunter into the "steel" ring steps. Back inside the ring, and the Trashman hammers away on Helmsley. Irish whip to the corner, and Droese with a delayed gorilla press slam. Clip~! and Helmsley stomps away on Droese as we get an insert promo from Marc Mero. Helmsley comes off the top with... something for a two count as we CLIP~! to Droese connecting with a series of atomic drops and a spinebuster. Irish whip, and Drose with a powerslam. He goes for the Trash Compactor, but Helmsley reverses out of it, and plants Droese with the Pedigree at 3:03. DUD Eh... who gives a rats ass about this? (flushes toilet)
- Special Arm-Wrestling Contest:
Ahmed Johnson vs. The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette & Owen Hart):
If anyone doesn't know how THIS ends, they need to be bitch slapped by a Pimp with a funny hat. Owen and Cornette are tossed from ringside thanks to some major stalling. Ahmed is winning (of course), so Bulldog beats the piss out of him then uses the table about 40 times without breaking it, to the amazement of... well, no one that actually cares.
- Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. Vader (w/ Jim Cornette):
Fairly famous (and fucking hilarious) match here. I'm pretty sure this is the final appearence of Mr. Fuji in the WWF (at least in regular television), and he's still carrying the American Flag (because we all know Japanese Polenesian Samoans are as American as McDonalds Apple Pie.) Big shoving contest, and the two bitch slap each others face in the 3rd row. Both men exchange blows until Yokozuna catches Vader off the ropes with a Samoan Drop. Vader no sells and connects with a stiff clothesline. Yokozuna no sells that and surprises me with a ROCK BOTTOM~! Fat-assed leg drop connects, but a charge in the corner misses. Vader comes off with the Vader-Bomb... ONTO YOKOZUNAS LEG! The referee calls for the bell at 3:44. Vader continues doing the same until Yokozuna (screaming like a bitch) rolls out of the ring. Here's the kicker... Yokozuna is stretchered out ON A FORKLIFT! I couldn't make this shit up... OK, if I was being paid $300,000 a year to do nothing, I might. 1/2* Only because it was pretty stiff... 5-stars for the comedy.
- WWF World Championship Match:
Shawn Michaels (c) (w/ Jose Lethario) vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler:
Excuse me being lazy, but I refuse to review another Lawler match. Diesel does Color Commentary to hype the upcoming PPV (titled "Good Friends, Better Enemies), and the highspot of the match is literally a piledriver. Michaels' offense is all punches and kicks and Lawler uses the old "fake weapon in the hand" trick from Memphis. Michaels wins with Sweet Chin Music at 6:25, and gets his ass kicked by Diesel after the match (with a bit of help from Mr. Perfect).
- Ultimate Warrior Interview from Monday Night Raw. He rants, grumbles, and groans a paifully bad Interview (a.k.a acting like a fucking moron), until Goldust comes out to play mind games. Apparently, he wants to ride Warriors back and play Superman. Warrior calls Goldust a freak about 6 years before the Rock does, and spouts of a horrible line "What is is, and what you're into I don't give a shit!" Nice language Warrior, you fucking moron. Warrior clotheslines Goldust out of the ring afterwards.
- WWF comes to Madison Square Garden on May 19th, 1996. Scheduled for action... WWF Tag Team Champions The Body Donnas defend the titles against the Godwinns, Intercontinental Champion Goldust defends against Razor Ramon, in a Steel Cage Match for the World Title, Shawn Michaels goes up against Diesel (yes, THAT match), and the Warrior returns to MSG for the first time since Summerslam 1991 to face Owen Hart.
- The Carribean Kid vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (w/ Ted Dibiase):
It's another one of those lame-ass Midnight Rider/Charlie Brown/Yellow Dog/Mr. America angles where a wrestler is obviously under the mask, but denies it (except everyone and their mother knows it's that person). Three guesses who the "Carribean Kid" is. Getting lazy again... basically the same match as Wrestlemania, except The Kid surprises Austin with a roll up to pick up the victory. Afterwards, The Carribean Kid unmasks to be... PEZ WHATLEY! Just kidding, it's the Ultimate Warrior.
- The only highspot of the tape is the Sunny music video, which is basically compiled footage of her posing in bikinis. Oh well, I'm not made of stone... (rewinds tape over and over again) good thing this is also on the Sunny Coliseum Video. Uh... what was I saying? Oh yes... next match time!
- "Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. Leif Cassidy (w/ Marty Jannetty):
Clips of several weeks ago when Sable becomes Mero's manager. They lockup and Cassidy with an armbar, and Mero reverses. Mero with a school boy rollup for a two count. Cassidy goes back to the armbar. Mero catches Cassidy in the face with a big boot and takes him over with an arm drag. Mero connects with a standing dropkick, but gets raked in the eyes. Irish whip is reversed and Cassidy spills over and out of the ring. Mero teases going to the top rope but opts to just ram The New Rockers into each other. Jannetty returns the favor with a clothesline. Cassidy suplexes Mero back into the ring and starts to get in some cheap punches. Irish whip to the corner and Cassidy connects with a clothesline followed by an overhead belly-to-belly suplex for two. Cassidy connects with a running clothesline and takes some time to chat with the camera. Cassidy with a snapmare followed by a dropkick to the face for another two count. Commercial Break and we come back with Jannetty pounding on Mero outside the ring. Back inside the ring and Cassidy applies a full nelson. Mero reverses the hold and some more stuff happens. Back inside the ring and Mero sends Cassidy to the corner. Mero eats boot on the way in, but is able to back drop Cassidy on a charge. Mero to the top rope sunset flip for the win at 6:43. *1/2 nothing to write home about as it was filled with lots of weak arm work that went nowhere.
- Bart Gunn vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (w/ Ted Dibiase):
Austin is still using clean language in his promos. Lockup and Bart with a standing side headlock followed by a shoulder block for a two count. Another side headlock by Gunn, and Austin takes him down with a head scissors. Gunn reverses back the hold and keeps Austin at bay for a while with it. Wirstlock by Gunn and Austin reverses with a side headlock. Irish whip and Gunn connects with a crossbody press for two and goes back to the headlock. Gunn with a shoulderblock but Austin comes back with a clothesline sending Gunn out. Austin comes off the apron with a sledge to the back of the head and...my tape cut off!! WTF?!? Oh well, Stone Cold wins with the Million Dollar Dream finisher at around the 5:00 anyway. From what I saw, I'll say about 3/4* Gunn relied way too much on the headlocks and Austin was forced to sell for him.
- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: (Vacant)
Savio Vega vs. Goldust (w/ Marlena):
Last week Savio Vega won the Intercontinental Title, but under questionable circumstances, so the title was held up and we get a rematch here. They brawl to start and Savio connects with a clothesline followed by a powerslam for two. Savio chops the body suit off of Goldust, but ends up getting punched in the face on a back drop attempt. Goldust with some charges in the corner that don't miss and he slaps Savio around. Savio tries mounting a comeback but Goldust goes low. Judging by Marlena, looks like it is cold in the arena. Goldust pounds away at Savio in the corner, who looks like he fell asleep from trinking too much taquila. Goldust works over the leg and applies a grapevine leglock. More Goldust beating the pants of of Kwang, and Goldust goes to apply the reverse chinlock of doom. Vega starts to Mexican Up, but Goldust uses the Rhodes genes to put him back down and applies a Camel Clutch. Inset Promo from The Ultimate Warrior and he just rambles like a Psycho, which is a common thing for ol' Jim. Vega connects with a low blow while the announcers hype Big Daddy Bitch vs. Shawn Michaels for the up-coming PPV. Match really drags until Savio comes back but Goldust traps him in the corner with the mounted punches, but Savio shrugs him off and connects with a clothesline. Splash attempt by Savio and we go to a commercial and...the match is over?!Goldust wins after Austin hits Savio with the Million Dollar belt apparently as my timer says 9:02 by my clock. 1/2* Boring Match and the fact the finish wasn't aired makes me sad... OK, thats a lie.
- "Making A Difference" Fatu vs. Vader (w/ Jim Cornette):
Vader has been hyping he was going to debut a new move during this match. Vader opens up on Fatu with some stiff punches to the face and body. Fatu tries a sunset flip, so Vader tries a sitdown splash only to meet canvas. Fatu with a clothesline followed by a shoulderblock. Fatu connects with a bulldog headlock followed by a Splash off the top rope, but Vader no sells it and hits a clothesline with over-sell from Fatu. Vader goes to the top rope...and connects with the Vader-sault! Thats enough for three at 1:50. 1/2* For the finish. Vader of course used the move plenty of times in WCW, so it's nothing big to me.
- Slammy Award highlight: Best Buns Nominees: Goldust, Sunny, Yokozuna, Shawn Michaels, and Razor Ramon. Sunny of course wins and gives her speech, teasing to show some "A". Wrestlemania XII highlights when she flashes Phineas, who loses concentration so the Body Donnas could beat him. I guess seeing a girl in a cheerleader outfit does that to you.
-The Godwinns vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri & Unknown Jobber:
We get an inset promo with The Body Donnas and Sunny. Yes, Tajiri is the same one as today, except he wasn't under contract then and was a jobber. Phineas and he start the match and Phineas works a hammerlock. Phineas connects with a back breaker but he misses an elbow drop. Tajiri with a standing moonsault and tags in his partner who gets murdered for a few minutes until Henry Godwinn puts him away with the Slop Drop at 3:32. DUD, mainly because it was a boring squash match. Fun to see Tajiri back then though. Afterwards the Body Donnas lay a beatdown on Phineas Godwinn.
"Making A Difference" Fatu vs. Owen Hart (w/ Jimmy Cornette):
Owen is now reffering to himself as the Slammy Award Winning, but it's just too annoying to type up everytime he has a match on here. Fatu starts the match with a standing side headlock followed by a shoulder block. Fatu with an arm drag and he slaps on another headlock. Owen works an armbar and rakes the eyes of Fatu. Fatu no sells being rammed into the turnbuckle by doing a funky dance for everyone. Fatu sets Owen on the top rope but Owen rakes the eyes to stop him. Owen connects with a missile dropkick, sending Fatu spilling outside. Owen rams Fatu into the steel steps as we see some Samoans dressed up as Gangsters looking on. Back inside and Owen with a leg drop followed by some choking in the corner. Irish whip and Fatu with a sunset flip for two. Owen quickly connects with a clothesline, with oversell, and rolls up Fatu for another two count. Owen with a series of European uppercuts followed by a DDT, and of couse, that is no sold. Fatu with a series of rights followed by a back body drop. Fatu connects with a back breaker for two followed by a bulldog headlock. Owen crotches Fatu across the top rope and connects with a suplex. Sharpshooter by Owen gets the victory at 5:58. *1/2. Fatu working boring rest holds ruined this one, but of course he was never good enough of a worker to begin with.
- WWF World Championship Match:
Shawn Michaels (c) (w/ Jose Lohtario) vs. 1-2-3 Kid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
The Kid tries a Pearl Harbor attack, but Michaels moves and clotheslines The Kid out of the ring. Kid comes back with a series of chops and applies a standing side headlock. Shawn reverses with a twirling back breaker followed by a snapmare and applies a reverse chinlock. Shawn Michaels works a standing side headlock and the two men exchange punches, with the Kid raking the eyes. The Kid misses a spinning heel kick. Michaels misses a running charge to the corner and posts himself. The Kid connects with a running dropkick for a two count. Shawn Michaels with a gorilla press slam sends The Kid out of the ring. Michaels works over the Kid and Dibiase outside the ring and rolls The Kid back in to finish it with Sweet Chin Music at 7:04. *1/2 Another match that really seemed to drag. After the match Steve Austin tries attacking Michaels, but ends up getting his ass handed to him by the World Champion. I guess you can say I phoned in this match too.
- In Your House: Good Friends Better Enemies Free For All:
"Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. 1-2-3 Kid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
The Kid has the evil heel goatee growing in, as this is one of his last appearances in the WWF. This is Mero's first appearance wrestling on a WWF PPV, (OK, its the pre-show). Mero with an armbar, and the Kid reverses, which is also reversed with a snapmare. Side headlock by Mero and a shoulder block, followed by a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker. Head scissors by Mero send the Kid outside. Mero threatens to do a plancha onto Dibiase, the bastard. Dive threw the ropes by Mero and he lands right on The Kid. Leg Drop over the ropes gets two, and Mero eats buckle, but comes back with a modified roll up for two, and follows with a scoop slam. Mero to the top rope and Kid hits the ropes, buckling Mero. Kid with a kick to the head and a suplex off the top rope is blocked, and Mero misses a senton whatever, as Hunter Hearst Helmsley comes out. Kid with some kicks to the head of Mero and his signature kicks are off, proving he's high. Running drop-kick in the corner by Kid and a headlock, while Hunter stalks Sable on the outside. Kid with more kicks and a spinning heel kick gets two. Kid buckles himself and Mero gets in Helmsley face, and Kid with a baseball slide connects. snapmare & leg drop by the Kid, and he goes to the top rope. Kid misses a splash and Mero hulks up. Spinning head scissors by Mero and some boxing moves, followed by a back body drop. Helmsley comes back and Mero kicks his ass, but its a DQ at 7:20. Spinning heel kick by Kid puts Mero down and Helmsley with the pedigree! **3/4 Good, energetic match, but with a lame finish that's being given away for free.
- Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Owen Hart (w/ Jim Cornette):
Droese starts with a headlock and a shoulder block, followed by a monkey flip and scoop slam. Droese grabs his trash can and dumps Owen's Slammy in the can, pissing him off and getting a big ovation. Owen jumps him from behind with a clothesline and he pounds away. Droese eats turnbuckle and Owen with a scoop slam and leg drop. Owen screams that's my Slammy and chokes him in the ropes. Snap Suplex by Owen and a knee drop to the face as Cornette polishes the Slammy. Owen with a stomp to the midsection, but Droese fights back with a boot to the head and a series of rights, followed by a back body drop and a Powerslam. He picks him up and hammers him in the corner, but Owen exposes the buckle and Droese drives his knee into it, and the Sharpshooter ends it at 3:32. **1/4. Not too bad, nonstop action in such little time. Owen keeps the sharpshooter on him until Bob Holly makes the save, but he gets his ass kicked by Davey Boy. Owen & Bulldog lay an ass beating on both men to finish up.
- The Godwinns (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. The New Rockers:
Winner of this match gets a Tag Team Title shot at The Body Donnas in some undetermined time. The Rockers have stuffed pigs with them. It's hard to say if The Rockers are heels or faces yet, but they are bad heels, Jannetty especially. Jannetty punts a stuffed pig into the crowd to a good pop, so I guess the crowd hates Hillbillies. Henry with a side headlock and shoulder-block, and he drives Cassidy into the corner and press slams him. Henry with an arm-bar and Phineas in, and he works a wrist-lock. Press slam by Phineas, while Vince talks to Sunny & The Body Donnas. Cassidy in control and he nails a clothesline on Phineas, and a series of kicks and a snapmare. Leg drop by Leaf and Jannetty in. Back from break and Cassidy with a headlock. Series of kicks to the kidneys and Jannetty hangs Phineas across the top rope. Jannetty in and he connects with a double ax-handle. Phineas with a boot to both men and a double clothesline. Henry tags in and he hammers on Marty, but the Body Donnas come to the ring. Skip trips Henry and Jannetty misses something off the top rope. Phineas goes for a piledriver but Leaf sunset flips him for three at 5:36. ¾* Eh... I have a soft spot in my heart for Al Snow and Marty Jannetty...
- The Body Donnas (w/ Sunny) vs. The Bushwhackers:
Joined In Progress: The Bushwhackers were still around? Butch hammers on Skip and covers for two. Atomic Drop and Luke with a punch, and Butch nails him as well, covering for two. Luke gets his eye raked and the Donnas' double team. Zip hammers way but Luke gets a clothesline for two. Luke with another clothesline gets another two. Skip takes down Luke and drops an elbow and chokes. The Godwinns come to ringside now while Skip pounds Luke. Zip with a backbreaker and Skip eats boot off the top rope. Butch & Zip in and Butch nails both Body Donnas', but Sunny trips him up. Henry goes after Sunny. Phineas nails Skip in the head with his bucket and Butch covers for three at 3:24! 1/4* For a bad, boring match, but at least it was short. Funny... this might be the ONLY match against a team not named Well Dunn I have featuring the Bushwackers winning post-1990.
- "Making A Difference" Fatu vs. The British Bulldog (w/ Diana Hart & Jim Cornette):
Joined in Progress: Bulldog has a sleeper hold applied to Fatu, while two gangster samoans come out to watch. Who were they again? Oh who the fuck cares, I guess. Fatu breaks free and applies his own sleeper, but a low blow sends Fatu to the arena floor. Bulldog with a slam but he misses a leg drop, and Fatu gets funky like a monkey and hammer son the Bulldog. Back body drop by Fatu and a bulldog gets a two count. Cornette distracts Fatu on the apron, but Bulldog nails his own manager and Fatu hamers away. Bulldog with the clothelsine (and Fatus oversell) gets two. Bulldog scoops up Fatu and nails the running powerslam for the pin at 3:27. DUD. Fatu and his "brothers" get into a little talk in the aisle afterwards.
- The Body Donnas (w/ Sunny) vs. Techno Team 2000:
Oh man! I hate these guys... TT2000, not the Body Donnas, but they're up there too. Sunny get the crowd into it by... doing stuff. Skip starts with Travis, and Travis with an armbar, and Troy tags in and a double hip-toss gets two. Skip slaps the guy in the face and Zip with a boot. Zip sends Troy to the buckle, and troy does the same, and he hammers way. Travis in with more punching to the arm of Zip and an armbar. Troy with a clothesline from the apron and a leap frog splash in the corner for two. Back from break and Travis in, Zip locks a headlock and the donna's with a flap jack on Travis. Back suplex by skip and The NEW Rockers rag on the Body Donnas. Zip with a modified armbar to Travis as this match drags. Skip rakes the eyes and he scores a belly to belly suplex for two. Travis & Skip trade right and the TT2000 dude eats turnbuckle. Double Suplex by the Tag Champs and Zip covers for two. Skip in and he puts an armbar to Travis and drops a leg. Zip works the arm more and... keeps doing so. Zip with a suplex, but he misses a blind elbow drop, and Troy tags in, nailing Zip with a back elbow and a scoop slam. Skip with the tag and a high knee to the back, and Zip clotheslines him down. Skip to the top rope and a hurricanrana connects, but Vince calls it a Frankensteiner and its over at 6:49. 1/2* Match dragged at the end... badly, but at least the right people went over.
- The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Owen Hart (w/ Jim Cornette):
Goldust is on commentary here, and is scared of the Undertaker's entrance, and I guess The Undertaker himself. Owen stalls forever here, a pattern with Undertaker matches. Owen unloads a series of rights, but Taker throws him into the corner and pounds the crap out of him. Chokelift by Undertaker and he throws him down, while Goldust talks about Undertakers.....cold body. Yuck. Undertaker with a choke in the corner. Owen attacks the knee of Taker and wraps it around the ropes, while stomping away. Back from break and Goldust starts molesting Paul Bearer, while Owen works over the leg of Undertaker. Undertaker fights back, but Owen with a knee drop to the leg of Taker and works a modified ankle lock. Owen to the top rope and he nails a missile drop-kick and goes for the sharpshooter, but Undertaker grabs the throat of Owen and rises to his feet. Knee lifts by Taker and a big boot. Undertaker throws Owen outside, where Goldust touches his butt, so Owen gets in his face. Tombstone Piledriver and Owen's done for at 6:46. ¾* Just bad because of the focus on Goldust. Paul Bearer brings out a coffin after the match to frighten off Goldust.
- The Smoking Gunns vs. Techno Team 2000:
AAAAH! NOT ANOTHER TT2000 MATCH! Billy & Travis start and Billy walks into a drop toe hold and Travis with an armbar. Billy works his armbar and nails a fame-as-er before it was a finishing move. Bart in with a headlock, but Travis tags Troy and they connect with a double bicycle kick for two. Troy with ANOTHER armbar, and Travis works the arm AGAIN. Fuck this. Billy stomps a mudhole in Troys ass and drops a leg drop for two. Billy Gunn with a neckbreaker on Travis off Barts shoulders gets the win at 4:31. DUD I won't even bother describing how boring this sack of shit match was.
- King of the Ring Qualifying Match:
Ultimate Warrior vs. Goldust (w/ Marlena):
Either way of this being quick or long, it's not going to be good. Look who's in the match and that will tell you what I mean. Warrior with a series of hard rights and a BIG right after mocking Goldust. Inverted Atomic Drop and an atomic drop sends Goldust over and out. Goldust puts the boots to Warrior and Warrior no sells. Back drop by Warrior and Goldust to the outside. Warrior whips Goldust into the railing and he spills into the crowd. Goldust rakes the eyes and sends Warrior into it, but he no sells and posts Goldust and covers for two. Warrior misses the corner charge and Goldust hammers away. Scoop slam by Goldust, and he applies a rear chinlock. Warrior gets up with Goldust on his back and drops him backwards, and Goldust opts to get counted-out, but Ahmed carries him back to the ring with Goldust pounding away all the while. Goldust pulls Warrior out from the bottom rope and slams his head into the steel steps. Warrior with an eye poke and he kicks the snot out of Goldust in the corner. Corner Charge misses AGAIN and Goldust punches away, and throws Warrior to the floor, where he landed on Marlena's chair. Goldust chokes Warrior in the corner and drives the arm of Warrior into the buckle. Warrior fights back and nails a back body drop for two. Belly to Belly suplex gets two! Goldust is in as much trouble as the Orlando Magic. Goldust corners Warrior and low blows him, followed by a snapmare and rear chinlock. Side headlock by Goldust has Warrior on the mat. Warrior with a series of elbows to the midsection and a POWERSLAM for two. Warrior uh.... Warriors up and nails three clotheslines, and a shoulder tackle. Goldust runs, and Warrior follows, and both men are counted out at 12:37. *¾ Lawler grabs Marlenas chair and goes to nail Warrior with it but Warrior chases him away. Shockingly decent match from two guys who rarely had good matches in the WWF.
- The Smoking Gunns (w/ Sunny) vs. Body Donnas:
Sunny jumped ships again and is now managing The Gunns. Bart & Zip lock up but Zip with a series of chops, and Bart with his own and a clothesline. Bart win an armbar and Billy tags in, and works the armbar. Bart gets nailed with a shoulder block, but press slams Zip and drops him to the canvas. Skip in with Billy, and Billy with the move combination I hate, and he gets nailed with a flying head scissors, and retaliates with a belly to belly suplex, and clothesline. Skip goes after Sunny on the outside, and were back from commercial. Zip pulls down the ropes causing Bart to hit the floor hard, and Zip works him over. Skip pisses off Billy while Zip continues to kill Bart on the floor. Skip with a snapmare and leg drop gets two. Zip with a snap suplex and camel clutch, but Bart breaks it, only to have Skip drop an elbow for two. German suplex by Bart gets two, and out comes Phineas, stalking Sunny. Body Donnas double team Bart and nail a suplex, after dumping Billy to the outside, and Skip nails a cross body but Bart rolls threw for the win at 9:22. * Just dragged on and on here.
- King of the Ring Qualifying Match:
Ahmed Johnson vs. Vader (w/ Jim Cornette):
Final match on this tape. They lock up and no one wins it. Vader shoves off Ahmed, and they both pose off. Ahmed snaps and pounds Vader to the canvas and kicks his ass. Ahmed hammers him in the corner and chokes him but Vader rakes over and assaults him with deadly shots to the side of the head. Clothesline by Ahmed and a cross body press sends Vader and himself to the floor. Ahmed chases of Cornette after being hit with the racket, and Vader back inside nailing him with those squeezing clotheslines. Vader to the second rope with another clothesline for two. Both men exchange rights and Ahmed knocks down Vader. Vader pounds on Ahmed in the corner and nails a series of splashes and he applies a chinlock. Ahmed with a suplex on Vader turns the tide HEAVILY, but Vader slams him, but misses the vadersault as usual. Ahmed pounds on Vader and nails a clothesline, followed by another. Powerslam by Ahmed but there's no referee. Owen from behind nails Ahmed in the head with his cast, and Vader pins him for the win at 8:57. *1/2. This was Ahmed first loss in the WWF.
Final Thoughts: Thank God I did 70% of this last year, because this tape is too painful to watch ever again. The only notable incidents that are worth keeping are the debuts of Mankind and Marc Mero, Mankind beating the crap out of the Undertaker, and the Ultimate Warrior actually having a good match (by his standards) with an out of shape Goldust. I still have no clue where the fuck Techno Team 2000 came from (maybe from Max Moons Uranus). Hmmm.... I think there's only 5 more of these things left to do. (cheers silently) The next tape is pretty dull, but at least has a good King of the Ring PPV on it.
!-------------------end guest column-----------------!
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