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WWF Tape Review (February - March 1996)
- I'm starting to wish it was 1995 again, because these 1996 tapes haven't been too enjoyable yet... and they are about to get worse! This tape starts up with the In Your House VI PPV with the Free For All, followed by the matches and events leading up to Wrestlemania XII. This also marks the return of...you know who, and for once, that deosn't describe Hulk Hogan, who was too busy being a part of the worst main event ever at Uncensored '96.
In Your House 6 Free For All Match:
Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Tatanka (w/ Ted Dibiase):
False Advertisement! Jake Roberts picture in the graphic for this match is from 1990, while his current state makes him look like he's from 2018. Tatanka came back at the Royal Rumble as a heel, thus killing any chance of a comeback. Roberts seriously looks like he's carrying twins. Jake's snakes name is Revelation by the way, for those who give half a shit. Tatanka cheap chops Jake and Jake "acts" drunk. Tatanka with a hammerlock and chops to the arm, but Jake reverses with a short arm clothesline. Tatanka avoids the DDT attempt, and we already have a stall period. Jake with a wrist-lock into an armbar. Tatanka reverses and eats an elbow, but the DDT is again avoided. Criss Cross sequence and Jake slides outside to go after Dibiase (Remember they had a feud going in 1989-1990) and Jake catches a sneak attack by Tatanka, but loses control in the ring. Slam by Tatanka and an elbow drop gets two. Big chop by Tatanka and he works the back of old man Roberts. Foot choke in the corner and Dibiase gets a cheap shot in for old times sake. Whip to the buckle and Roberts continues to act drunk. Tatanka misses an elbow drop...several times and Jake with some jabs and a hard right. Whip to the buckle but he eats boot and MORE chops. End of the trail is reversed and Jake nails the DDT for the win at 5:18. 1/2* Pretty bad match. Jake's snake is now white and yellow and gives Tatanka the treatment.
First Ever Crybaby Match:
Razor Ramon vs. The 1-2-3 Kid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
This would be the last hurrah for both men, as Ramon was on his way out and so was the 1-2-3 Kid, and he would go on job duty for the next few months. Very good, entertaining match, but that's a given since they are best friends. Ramon makes the super man comeback by knocking his own stash into Dibiase's face, finishes off the Kid with a Razor's Edge, but opts not to pin and executes a second for good measure for the victory at 11:52. ***1/4 Afterwards, Ramon powers the Kid's bum, diapers him, and sticks an over-sized bottle in his mouth. After Dibiase revives the Kid, the Kid ends up crying after noticing he's been diapered.
Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
The Re-match no one really cared about. Recently on Superstars Helmsley had attacked Droese and (gasp!) cut off his flowing...dirt locks. The best match you can expect from these two, and Hunter eventually wins with a trashcan shot at 9:40. *1/4 This would probably be one of Hunter's best early matches...wow, that's depressing.
Yokozuna vs. The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette):
Excuse me while I retch. Thankfully, this match is pretty short, and is basically used for Vader to come in and beat the piss out of Yokozuna. Yokozuna wins by DQ at around 5:00. The post-match beating seems to last longer than the match, as Camp Cornette minus Owen cuff Yokozuna to the ropes and lay in a whooping. DUD
#1 Contenders Match for World Title at Wrestlemania XII:
Shawn Michaels vs. Owen Hart (w/ Jim Cornette):
If you didn't know who was winning this match, you should have your sack lopped off by Mrs. Bobbit. Owen vs. Bret at Wrestlemania would've been cool, but Owen was pretty much used as a mid-carder for the past year or so, and Michaels was getting a god push. Michaels starts the match dancing on the roof og the house in the arena stage, and plays around with the crowd by pulling Owens hair. Owen momentarily KO's Shawn with the enziguri, but Michaels recovers and ends up winning with Sweet Chin Muzak at 15:54. **** Great match, as expected, and this would kickoff Michaels' excellent PPV matches run that lasts all of '96.
WWF World Championship; Steel Cage Match:
Bret "Hitman" Hart (c) vs. Diesel:
I don't know, but I'm starting to think Hart has been dogging his matches around this time. Unlike the King of the Ring '94, Royal Rumble '95, and Survivor Series '95 Matches, this one really sucks and is just a slow, methodical pace that would make Harley Race blush. Cool ending though, as the Undertaker literally rips through the canvas and drags Diesel down with him to hell. Wouldn't that make him the winner? His feet had to have touched the floor. Anyway, Bret wins by simply climbing over the Cage at 19:12. 1/2* Blech...shame on you Hitman!
End of In Your House VI PPV
-WWF-Intercontinental Championship Match:
Goldust (c) (w/ Marlena) vs. Razor Ramon:
The rematch no one wanted. Marlena looks extra hot here, before she became a skeleton. She tries seducing Ramon then blows smoke from her cigar in his face. A taste of his own medicine chico! Ramon hammers away on Goldust to start and clotheslines him in the corner then clotheslines him over the top rope. Back inside and Ramon spits on his royal gay-ness and applies a knuckle-lock with a side order of bitch slaps. Razor's Edge attempt, but Goldust back drops him out in the most ovbious spot this side of a stink-face. Commercial break and we get a Tyson vs. Bruno commercial. A $50 PPV to see Tyson knock the bastard out in 3 rounds. I wish I kept the tape of it. Back inside and Goldust with a clothesline followed by a neck snap. Irish whip and Goldust with a sleeper hold. Ramon reverses, so Goldust takes him downtown to Macy's. Goldust goes up top, but Ramon crotches him. Ramon with a super-plex and a fall-away slam over the top rope! Ouch, that had to hurt. Ramon sets up Goldust on the top turnbuckle and comes off with a back suplex. Goldust however, rolls out of the ring, and takes the count-out at 5:44. 3/4* Better than the Rumble Match at least. Ramon goes into "Shoot mode" saying he loves the kids, and in the snap of a finger, perverted-justice comes out and swarms. Oh wait, wrong person. Anyway, he says he doesn't want kids watching Goldust (shoot!) and wants a match anytime, anywhere.
Aldo Montoya & Barry Horowitz vs. The Body Donnas (w/ Sunny):
Actually...the match doesn't happen. Horowitz and Montoya make their entrances, but Vader comes out and cleans house. Chokeslam to Montoya, the jock-strap on his head Portuguese man-o-war, and decides to just beat the piss out of Horowitz in the corner and throws him over the top rope. Glad to see Horowitz is back to jobber duty, it didn't feel right with him getting pushed.
- Oh No...OH NO! He's back....he's... THE ULLLLLLLLTIMATE WARRIOR! (hangs self with keyboard cord). Various quick clips of him beating up random jobbers and superstars from WWF past, with old commentary by Gorilla Monsoon. Also it seems like a promo by the insane-one has been piped in for it too. Excuse me while I jump for joy...(jumps into the Grand Canyon) I regret nothing...
Marty Jannetty vs. The Ring Master (w/ Ted Dibiase):
From now on, I'm just going to call him Austin, because it's easier to remember when typing it up. Jannetty has his chest hair grown in...do I smell a heel turn? That would suck, considering Jannetty as a heel is as good of an idea as bring the Warrior back, and no one is that stu...oh wait, nevermind. McMahon calls Austin "Stone Cold" for the first time, but not as a nickname, but more of a way to describe him. Jannetty with a quick hammerlock, and we get a nice reversal sequence from both men. Jannetty with a headlock followed by a cross body press, but Austin rolls through for two. Austin with a school boy roll up for another two count, and he tosses Jannetty outside. They exchange blows on the apron, and Jannetty slides in and connects with a dropkick for two. Irish whip is reversed, and Austin hot shots Jannetty as we go to a commercial break. We come back and Jannetty splashes the knees of Austin. Austin whips Jannetty to the corner with extra force and applies a modified STF. Jannetty makes the ropes so Austin continues the beating and applies a modified head-scissors/camel-clutch like manuever. Jannetty escapes and is whiped to the corner. Austin meets boots and Jannetty rams Austin's head into the canvas. Irish whip, and Jannetty with a diving back elbow followed by a knee lift for two. Jannetty tries a back suplex, but Austin lands on his feet and applies the Million Dollar Dream for the submission victory at 5:12. **1/4 Good match, but I expected better from these two.
- Another Mankind vignette, and this time we get up close and personal with his hand that has two fingers covered together with some kind of leather glove. He's also petting his friend, George the Rat. "On the 8th day, God created me. Maybe he should've slept that day too!"
The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Tatanka (w/ Ted Dibiase):
I guess it's the real Undertakers turn to squash Tatanka, who did the job to the FakerTaker in June of 1994. Undertaker catches the sneak attack and chokes Tatanka. Irish whip to the corner and Undertaker with a clothesline. More choking in the corner and Tatanka's chops are no sold. Irish whip is reversed and Undertaker snaps Tatanka by the hair. Irish whip is reversed and Undertaker runs into the end of the trail! Diesel comes out with an axe and steals a camera man while Tatanka applies a sleeper hold. We get video of Diesel chopping away on the Undertakers casket while Undertaker makes the comeback with the rope walking clothesline. Tatanka catches Undertaker off guard with a piledriver, but falls victim to a chokeslam and tombstone piledriver, giving Taker the win at 4:14. DUD Eh...afterwards, he sees Diesel chopping some more on his casket and rushes to its aid.
- Larry Fling (Almost) Live! This weeks guest: Billionaire Ted:
OK, these are a little too mean, but damn it, the Larry Fling segments are the funniest of the funny, and are just too damn entertaining to hate despite having little to do with wrestling (this one that is). Billionaire Ted's facial expressions are especially funny, so here we go...
Larry Fling: He's been called the most ruthless predator in the bussiness world. His goal: Global domination. His latest target: The World Wrestling Federation. Billionaire Ted, my guest on Larry Fling Live! First, I'd like to say hello to Margo, Angie, Heidi, my 5 girlfriends, my 4 ex-wives, and Sheila the Masouse. Now my guest, he owns networks, he owns movie companies, sports franchises, a rasslin organization, in fact he owns just about everything, he's Billionaire Ted.
Billionaire Ted: Don't forget I own you too Larry.
Larry Fling: Ha Ha...yeah right. You know Billionaire Ted, I was watching In Your House with Robbie Dinero, and I loved it.
Billionaire Ted: Yeah...thanks Larry...we loved it too.
Larry Fling: You're great, I'm great, let's go to out first caller: Randy from Sarasota.
"Randy from Sarasota": Oh Yeah...I got a problem with thining hair, thining hair, thining hair...
Larry Fling: Sorry pal, this isn't the Rogaine infomercial.
Billionaire Ted: He sounds like a moron.
Larry Fling: He must be from Atlanta. Alright our next caller is Terry from Tampa.
"Terry from Tampa": Hello, Billionaire Ted! Listen brother, I need next monday off real bad. I've been hit by a ladies high heel shoe! A size seven!
Billionaire Ted: Uh....Yeah, Huckster...Uh...Yeah, those size sevens are a public nuesence.
Larry Fling: Our next caller, Jane from Hanoi. Is this really, "Hanoi Jane"?
Jane from Hanoi: Honey, I just wanted to tell you Sears called, and your suits are ready...
(Billionaire Ted hangs her up)
Billionaire Ted: Sorry, it was an accident...
Larry Fling: Now lets get serious for just a moment. You are one of the most well dressed and outspoken men in the world. Why you run networks to deliver your own messages and why you refused to talk to the media. Alot of which, you control. And how about your alleged personal vendetta against the World Wrestling Federation, and alleged monopolistic activities, and the about the 10's of millions of dollars lost that were not disclosed to your own stock holders. Or that the Hulksters salery is NOT charged to your rasslin organization, but to other profitable divisions. Why haven't you responded to the Wall street Journal report? Whats the story with the FTC investigation?
(Billionaire Ted suddenly can't talk)
Larry Fling: As you can see, Billionaire Ted has come down with a case of Chronic Larengitus, which has been going around lately, especially in...YOUR rasslin organization. Next week, the Huckster and Nacho Man will be our guests, and maybe they can add some light in their geriatric match at Wrestlemania XII.
Billionaire Ted: Oh yeah, I'm the special guest referee for th---
(Pretends he can't talk anymore)
(end of Larry Fling episode)
Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Dr. Issac Yankem D.D.S:
It's the battle of the DDT's here...which is pretty much the only excuse for this match. Roberts with a standing side headlock followed by some blows being exchanged in the corner. Yankem with a headlock but Jake takes him down with a hip toss followed by a running knee lift. Roberts with an armbar followed by a short-arm attempt, but Yankem ducks and clotheslines Roberts out of his vodka bottles. Yankem elbows Roberts across the chest and beats away on him in the corner. Yankem with a sledge attack and rams Roberts to the buckle. Roberts attempts a comeback but Yankem kicks him in the face. He signals for the DDS, but Roberts holds onto the ropes. Robertc connects with the DDT and it's over at 3:32. * Just because I wanted to give one match of Roberts from this era a star rating or higher.
- Ultimate Warrior return video #2. This time they've added in retarded fans claiming how much they love the Warrior and how much they want him, and some fans even act like him. May God have Mercy on our souls.
Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly vs. Diesel:
Diesel with a knee lift at the bell and hammers away on Holly with elbows to the back of the neck. Diesel misses an elbow in the corner and Holly hammers away on Big Daddy Bitch. Diesel shoves Holly off him in the corner and catches him with a nasty clothesline. Diesel with a side suplex followed by a sit down splash across the second rope. Diesel with a series of elbows and knees in the corner and Holly tries another comeback with a dropkick and several clotheslines. Commercial and we come back with Diesel powerbombing Holly for the three count at 3:09 DUD Afterwards, The Undertaker plays a magician by appearing in the ring and vanishing when the lights go out again.
Ahmed Johnson vs. Shinobi:
Shinobi is Al Snow dressed like a Ninja, and looks like the second coming of the SNME Super Ninja from November 1988. Lockup and Johnson tosses Shinobi over the top rope to the floor. The entire match is looped over with a Goldust "On The Phone" promo. Shinboi will a spinnig wheel kick to the melon oj the big Johnson then fucks up a slingshot into the ring. Ahmed with a spinebuster followed by the Pearl River Plunge for the win at 1:50. DUD Well that was pointless I think.
Highlights from Superstars where The British Bulldog & Owen Hart defeated Hakushi & Barry Horowitz to advance in the Tag Team Title Tournament, when Bulldog pinned Hakushi with the running powerslam.
- Mankind Vignette. This time we find out that he was only loved when he played the music. On a Piano no less! "Mankind is in pain. Mankind is suffering! Mankind is in agony! It's time for me to relieve that pain, which will be good for me, but not so enjoyable for all of you! Mommy, leave the light on...I'm coming home!" Mankind, the first shiller for Motel 6.
- Face to Face interview with Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. Pretty long and boring, as both men kiss ass until the President Roddy Piper (that's still better than George W. and Muppet Kerry) and he announces the Wrestlemania main event will be a one hour long Iron Man Match. The winner is the man with the most falls in the time limit.
Yokozuna vs. Owen Hart & The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette):
What a RAW Main Event this is. Owen starts the match and runs into a sledge by Yokozuna. Yokozuna with a scoop slam and connects with a short-arm clothesline. Bulldog tags in and runs into a series of shoulder blocks and a scoop slam. Owen runs in and Yokozuna with a back body drop. Yokozuna msses a charge and Owen with a missile dropkick. We get some double teaming and leg drops from both men onto Yokozuna. Commercial Break and Owen hammers away on Yokozuna. Double teaming continues until Owen misses a splash off the top rope. Over on Nitro, Ed Leslie has a giant ass bandage over his head, and looks oddly like the Warrior...Head-Wound Leslie! I love stealing jokes. Anyway, Yokozuna makes the comeback until Vader runs into and kicks his ass for the DQ at 4:02. 1/4* Afterwards, Jake Roberts and Ahmed Johnson make the save and scare off everyone, except Vader, who only backs down when Roberts rushes him with the snake "Revelation".
Larry Fling (Almost) Live! This weeks guests: The Huckster & The Nacho Man:
This is the last time I'll be transcribing these segments, mainly because they are a pain in the ass on my writing hand, and I don't to damage my fancy writing hand. This is my personal favorite, as it's just non-stop laughs about how WCW was using Hogan and Savage as their big draws despite being past it.
Larry Fling: They are athletes well past their primes. Both refuse to retire, both suffer from male pattern balding, and both sold out to Billionaire Ted. The Huckster and The Nacho Man, up next on Larry Fling Live! These guys take me way back to my childhood, they were stars of a previous generation, and front men of Billionaire Teds scheme of putting the WWF out of business (Toilets Flushes when panning the two).
The Huckster: Wha'cha gonna do when the Huckster runs out on you!?
Nacho Man: Oh Yeah!
Larry Fling: First, how's Liz?
Both: She's not so great. (fart)
Larry Fling: Well send her my love. No question the WWF made you guys into stars, why did you leave?
Nacho Man: They told us we couldn't keep up with the new Generation. The WWF said we were too old to wrestle. I may be old and slow and bald, but old is old and I'm only as old as I feel, and I feel pretty old and bald.
The Huckster: I hear ya brother, I hear ya brother.
Larry Fling: You guys are obviously well over-the-hill, how much longer are you going to keep up this charade?
The Huckster: Charade? What charade? Look at this body brother, I am Immortal! (arms squeak like a rusty hinge)
Larry Fling: Joining us now via special television hook-up from Atlanta, my boss, your boss, what the heck, just about everyones boss, he's Billionaire Ted. First of all, how's Jane?
Billionaire Ted: Uh....she's fine, Larry, fine!
Larry Fling: Send her my love, heh heh heh! I got to be honest with you. I don't know who's older. Me or these two geezers? But if you over pay me, like you do these two has-beens, I'll put on a pair of yellow tights and dance around the ring with a chair too.
The Huckster: Who you calling a has-been brother?! (picks up chair, Fling threatens with a ladies shoe)
Billionaire Ted: Settle down, don't over excert yourself at your age. You have a big match coming at Rasslemania.
Larry Fling: That reminds me, who's going to win your match Nacho?
Nacho Man: Billionaire Ted told me that I would.
The Huckster: No way brother, I have to win the match for all the Huckster-maniacs who buy my merchandise!
Nacho Man: Listen brother, the only reason they wear your crap, is because they pass it out for free brother, and the poor suckers are promised TV time to wear it brother, and thats the truth brother!
The Huckster: Stop calling me brother, brother! (smacks Nacho Man and stage hands with chair shots)
Larry Fling: Well this seems to be out of control. Join us next time, see you later! (Fling threatens Huckster again with a ladies shoe)
-Tag Team Title Tournament Match:
The Godwinns (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. The New Rockers:
OH God...the Godwinns also have pigs with them, and they have made it in the ring (a.k.a took a crap...I mean left a crap). The NEW Rockers are Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy, a.k.a Al Snow, appearing as his second gimmick on this tape in the last half hour and making this gimmick debut. They are also heatless...well, Cassidy is, but the crowd is pro-Godwinns, making the Rockers tweeners here. Jannetty and Cassidy are also wearing horrible attire. Jannetty has a pinkish/yellowish look and Cassidy has the black with green. Nice coordination. Jannetty and Phineas start the match. Jannetty with an armbar and Cassidy tags in for the double wristlock and chop spot the Rockers use to do. They try it again but Phineas rams them into each other and connects with a double clothesline. Henry Godwinn in now and they lockup. Jannetty with a side headlock. Irish whip, and Jannetty tries a body press and Cassidy finishes with a dropkick, another old Rockers spot. Henry clotheslines both out of their shoes and Phineas tags in to hammer Leif. Cassidy with a drop toe hold and Jannetty comes in with an elbow drop. Jannetty with an armbar followed by a splashing of the arm. Irish whip to the corner and Phineas misses a charge. Jannetty with a wristlock followed by an armbar. Leif tags back in and connects with a running knee lift followed by a dropkick. Henry comes in and it's a pier-six brawl. Leif is dumped as...my tape cuts away at 4:13, about 10 seconds before the finish. The Godwins won by the way. 1/2* Cut off half a star for cutting off the ending.
Shawn Michaels vs. 1-2-3 Kid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
This could be good, but right now, ANYTHING can be good if I'm happy enough. Also forgot to mention the Kid gets no entrance. The Kid hammers away to start and applies a headlock and takes Shawn with with leverage off the turnbuckle. Michaels blocks a roll up attempt and runs into an elbow followed by a heel kick for two. Michaels comes back with a series of arm drags and a gorilla press slam. Clothesline over the top rope and Michaels skins the cat. Michaels slingshots the Kid back in and applies a headlock, followed by a powerslam for two. Michaels with a headlock takeover. Irish whip and the Kid connects with a spinning heel kick. Michaels is dumped outside and the Kid with a plancha and hammers away on him. Dibiase stomps on Shawn and they go back inside. Irish whip to the corner and The Kid with a running dropkick. Reverse enziguri gets another two count. Michaels comes back and both get knocked out. Michaels kips up and hammers away on the Kid and whips him to the corner. Tricking spots happen and Michaels catches the Kid off guard with a moonsault off the top rope. Irish whip and Michaels with a diving back elbow. The Kid makes the come back but misses something off the top rope and Michaels finishes him off with sweet chin music at 9:48. ** Some slow portions here, including a long chinlock spot I ignored, but overall a decent match.
- Goldust hosts a special episode of Piper's Pit, and he's even wearing a kilt. Goldust with some...odd talk about Roddy Piper and he fondles a bagpipe before blowing on it. They even show Piper smashing a coconut over Snukas head for no real reason other than it was freaking awesome.
- Ultimate Warrior Return Video #3, this time it's narrated by Vince McMahon, who seems to want to ignore that the Warrior returned in 1992. To add insults, he even calls Hulk the "Self-Professed Immortal" Hulk Hogan. Now that's just wrong...the bastard.
Hakushi vs. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw (w/ Zebekiah):
Bradshaw had recently debuted recently and Hakushi is on the Job Squash...I mean Squad right now. Bradshaw hammers away on Hakushi and boots him in the face. Irish whip and Hakushi hammers away, only to have his dropkick swiped away. Bradshaw continues to pound on Hakushi and avoids another dropkick. Bradshaw with more kicking to the head followed by a snapmare and connects with a leg drop. Elbow drop by Bradshaw and he rams Hakushi to the buckle. Irish whip and a charge misses. Hakushi kicks on Bradshaw and connects with the springboard elbow in the corner. Bradshaw with another boot to the face and the action spills outside. Bradshaw with a powerslam and tosses him back inside and finishes it with a lariat at 4:12. DUD Boring Match...and Bradshaw then brands Hakushi with his branding iron, and this would mark the last time we see Hakushi in the WWF.
Mankind Vignette #4. This isn't one of the better ones...actually, I'm just tired of recapping 10 second videos to bother commenting on it. This is the final one I think, although I may be wrong. He's coming to the WWF if no one is aware of it yet.
Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
...Why can't Bret be allowed to wrestle someone with TALENT!? Lockup and Helmsley with a knee lift followed by some punch-punch-punching. Irish whip to the corner and Bret boots Hunter in the face and comes off the second rope with a clothesline. Hart rams Helmsley to the buckle and headbutts him down. Snapmare followed by an elbow drop by Hart. Hart pounds the kidneys of Helmsley and applies a hammerlock. Michaels comes out to watch the match and we go to the first commercial break. Back and Bret with an arm drag followed by another hammerlock. Irish whip and Hart with a cross body press for two. Helmsley dumps Hart outside the ring and he has words with Michaels. McMahon claims Michaels might be have Helmsley in his pocket to screw Bret...dear God, he's been thinking about it since March 1996! Hunter controls on Hart with a running high knee and pounds in the corner. Irish whip hard to the corner several times and Hunter with a suplex, his second move of the match. Hunter drops a knee across the face for two. Commercial Break and Hart boots Helmsley in the face and Hunter flair flops. Bret with a bulldog out of the corner followed by a back breaker and second rope elbow drop. Hunter with a surprise roll up for two. Stuff happens outside and they come back in where Hart applies the Sharpshooter for the win at 9:34. * Boring... Boring... Boring...
Making A Difference Fatu vs. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw (w/ Zebekiah):
From an episode of Superstars of Wrestling, and only the second match from the show on this tape. Fatu takes his sweet fat-ass time to get to the ring and stalls to take off his jacket. Yes, I'm stalling for filler. Zebekiah sneaks in a cheap branding shot on Fatu's left tit and Bradshaw catches him off guard with the Hansen Lariat of Doom for the victory at the 12 second mark. DUD of course.
- Maximum Heat Tour is coming to Madison Square Garden bitches! Included on the card is a main event tag match between Bret Hart & The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels & Diesel. I won't give away the special happening. Also on the card Jake Roberts returns to MSG to team with Yokozuna to battle the team of Davey Boy Smith & Owen Hart.
Savio Vega vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (w/ Ted Dibiase):
When will this tape END?! Lockup and Vega with a wristlock followed by a hammerlock. Austin with a standing side headlock followed by a shoulderblock for a two count. Headlock and go behind hammerlock by Austin. Vega with an elbow to the face followed by a cross body for two. Savio with several arm drags but he seriously misses a third. Austin with an elbow drop to the back. Pounding by Austin followed by a snapmare and a knee to the back. Savio blocks the camel clutch and clotheslines him. Irish whip and Austin with a sledge. Mark Henry is sitting at ringside by himself you know. Austin with some choking followed by a suplex for two. Savio comes back but misses a splash attempt. Commercial Break and we come back with Austin giving Savio a clothesline to the back. Choking again and Savio catches him with a heel kick. The action spills outside and we get a double count-out at 6:17, even though both men were on the apron. *1/4 They would have better matches in the coming months.
- Highlights from Superstars where Savio Vega & Razor Ramon defeated Tatanka & 1-2-3 Kid to advance in the Tag Team Title Tournament when Ramon pinned Tatanka...or maybe the Kid. Oh who cares, it's not like anyone cared about the tag division in 1996...or any year after that pretty much.
The Undertaker & Yokozuna vs. Owen Hart & The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette):
Odd tag team pairing I'd say. Undertaker and Yokozuna have a face-to-face before attacking the opponents. Undertaker chokes away on Owen while Bulldog is slaughtered by Yokozuna and gets a fat-ass leg drop across his face. The faces continue dominating and whip the heels into each other...and then Diesel comes out and beats Paul Bearer up for being a fat fuck. The Undertaker leaves the ring and goes after Diesel, so we get Yokozuna in a handicap situation again. Same stuff as last time, same result at 3:30. 6-man brawl errupts as Jake, Ahmed, and Yoko battle Camp Cornette for about 10 years.
Final Thoughts: The shit continues. The build up to Wrestlemania seems to be focusing on Yokozuna's horrible work-rate and lots and lots of meaningless matches, debuts, and heel turns. Who thought a Stan Hansen clone in the form of Justin Bradshaw, or Marty Jannetty turning heel, or making Savio Vega look like a threat was a good idea? Shawn Michaels is coming to the top, Bret Hart is on his way out, Ultimate Warrior is back...Jesus Christ, no wonder so many people were turned off from the WWF in 1996.
!-------------------end guest column-----------------!
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