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WWF Tape Review (January-February 1996)
Time for the... like 15th installment of these things. This tape picks up at the start of the 1996 Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View, and of course, the rest of the tape is filled with regular television matches from RAW...and 1 or 2 from Superstars of Wrestling. Beware: Lots of Nothing on this tape, except Sunny being focused a lot more than Skip (and Zip) in the Body Donnas. Tape also features the first ever Free For All show, including a special match they tack on. This will also mark my LONGEST pre-tape rant ever (waits for everyone to get their camping gear and some coffee).
First, I can't express my love for the new Friday The 13th DVD Set. So many movies, so little time. OK, that's a lie, but still, watching idiots, alcoholics, drug addicts, and overall morons getting sliced and diced like French Fries is entertaining. Only downer is that all the "deleted scenes" didn't make it, as only half the movies are represented. A great, great, GREAT set, available on Amazon.com for a low price of $56.
Second, for the first time in 7 years, I have finally been able to play the old WWF Wrestlefest Arcade Game. Such a great game, and too bad it wasn't a game for a regular console, although if that happend the graphics wouldn't be near as great. Third, Halloween sucks, and whoever invented it should have their grave robbed, pissed on, torched, and crapped on by drunk frat boys.
(Editor's Note: One day, when you grow up, you will appreciate women's Halloween
costumes) Finally, while starting the next chapter of these, my VCR nearly ate the tape, and had to have a tug-o-war with the ejection because it wouldn't let go of the damn tape. Thankfully, it was saved, except for the Sunny "Viewer Discretion" opening...which pisses me off. Anyway, onto the review.
- Royal Rumble 1996 Free For All Match: (Winner enters #30, Loser enters #1):
Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
Helmsley would die, be buried, and spin over in his grave if he had to do shit like this today. Lockup and Helmsley with a side headlock, and Droese with a shoulder block followed by a snap suplex. Irish Whip and Droese with a monkey flip. Ten punches in the corner is stopped at 5 thanks to an inverted atomic drop. Irish whip to the buckle by Hunter but he eats boot and Droese with a few chops. Droese posts himself like a moron and HHH with a single arm DDT. He does it again which is stupid, and goes to an armbar. Hunter jerks the arm a bit and goes to another version of the armbar. Droese hammers out and runs into a running knee. Knee drop to the arm by Hunter and back to the armbar. To the top rope and he eats boot and does the Flair selling by falling face first to the mat. Droese wins the fist fight and back body drops Hunter, followed by a hip toss and clothesline. Hennig calls Hunter "Triple H." Droese with a BIG powerslam. Its time to take out the trash! Hunter escapes the side suplex, but gets caught with a back suplex instead. Droese snaps, and we have a ref bump. Hunter gets a pair of plastic knuckles out and clobbers Droese, picking up the win at 6:24. *1/4. But wait...Gorilla Monsoon, president at large, reverses the decision, giving the match to DUKE DROESE. HHH screwed HHH. First type of these matches and we already have a screwy finish.
As Usual from now on, just a brief summary on a match, and if I feel like it I'll go into a ranting mode about how much I hate/like someone, or just nonsensical ramblings like I am doing right now.
- Ahmed Johnson vs. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett:
This is the official opening match of the Royal Rumble PPV. For those lazy enough to read back, Jarrett attacked Johnson at IYH5 for no reason other than because Jarrett's from the south, and Johnson is black. Jarrett has his guitar with him again (which he continued to do for the rest of his career) and that comes into play later. Jarrett's boring style actually brings out the best of Ahmed, which isn't saying much. Ahmed has the match won, but Jarrett says fuck it (not literally) and comes off the top rope, SMASHING Ahmed over the head with the guitar. That had to hurt, and Ahmed sells it like someone dropped an Anvil on his head. Johnson is the winner by DQ at 6:39. ** Like previously mentioned, Jarrett worked a good wrestling match, although it's basically the same match he worked with everyone else.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
The Smoking Gunns (c) vs. The Body Donnas (w/ Sunny):
Sunny debuts her newest look...wearing a cheerleader outfit. No complaints here! The Cameraman, probably a pervert, takes a shot up Sunnys skirt after Billy Gunn knocks her off the apron, where she "pretends" to be injured. She's not, but the plan doesn't work. In case I missed something, I'll just rewind it a few times to prove myself right...(rewinds for about 20 minutes) Oh, sorry. No real feud here, and for those wondering, the Donnas are Skip & Zip (Tom Prichard with a buzzcut and bleached hair). The front row cheers wildly for Sunny squatting between the middle and bottom ropes, and who can blame them? Finish comes when Billy Gunn spears down Zip while Bart Gunn small packages Skip for the win at 11:14. * Really wasn't feeling this match, and considering Chris Candido (Skip) and Tom Prichard (Zip) are fairly good workers respectively, the Smoking Gunns weren't. Afterwards we get a replay of the recent Billionaire Ted skits from the last review. The first one comes after the third one apparently, and they mix stuff around.
- WWF-Intercontinental Championship Match:
Razor Ramon (c) vs. Goldust (w/ "The Director):
The Director would be named Marlena, a.k.a Terri Runnels the next night, and was still really hot before becoming a skeleton with skin. She's also slurping on a cigar, or to quote George Carlin, "a big brown dick." Another example of the "New" WWF, bringing in women valets that weren't ugly and made the male fans "Stand in attention." Really bad match, as Goldust's homosexual actions ruin the match, especially when he feels up the chest of Razor and likes being slapped on the ass. While Marlena distracts the referee on the apron, The 1-2-3 Kid runs in with a heel kick off the top rope to Razor, allowing Goldust to pick up the win and Title at 14:15. DUD Razor's Royal Rumble curse continues. In 1994, he did a fake title loss to I.R.S., lost the IC Title to Jarrett in 1995 Rumble, and loses it AGAIN at this Rumble.
- 30 Man Royal Rumble Match (Winner faces the champion at Wrestlemania XII):
2 Minute Intervals once again this year. #1 is Hunter Hearst Helmsley (due to the FFA Loss) and who else but Henry Godwinn enters #2. Nothing happens until Jake "The Snake" Roberts enters as #7 (for the third time I think) and scares off everyone with his new snake, and makes Lawler the first victim. Lawler ends up hiding under the ring for half of the match. Roberts, who they advertised with a picture from 1990, looks about 60 years old here and is sporting a gut. Still gets a VERY impressive pop for his entrance though. Dory Funk Jr. enters as #8, and looks like he's 80 years old, and McMahon actually mentions him as a NWA World Champion. Hennig hollers "yee-haw" to the banjo music he comes out to. We get our first elimination at the 16:00 mark, and it's Bob Backlund. #11 is the JAPANESE Takao Omori, and GUESS whos theme music he gets. Seriously, just guess. McMahon has no knowledge of Omori. Jake Roberts eliminates Omori soon after. #13 is VADER with Jim Cornette, and he wipes the floor with everyone he comes into contact with.
#14 is Doug Gilbert of the USWA, and Hennig actually mentions about teaming with his brother, the late-Eddie Gilbert earlier in his (Hennig's) career. Gilbert gets some funky music and NO reaction, and Vader pretty much kills him for most of his tenure before dumping him out a few minutes later. Vader clotheslines Roberts all the way from the middle of the ring to eliminate him. #15 is a Head Hunter (some fat black guy who weighs 450 lbs) and Vader easily dumps him out. #16 is the other Head Hunter and Yokozuna takes care of him. Shawn Michaels returns at #18, and easily dumps Vader & Yokozuna AT THE SAME TIME. Time for Rant: Now serious, in 1993 EIGHT MEN Couldn't dump out Yokozuna when he weighed 505 pounds. Here, Shawn Michaels who weighs 220 pounds, dumped out 1,100 pounds of wrestlers SINGLE HANDEDLY WITH NO TROUBLE WHATSOEVER!
Vader, rightfully pissed off, murders everyone in the ring and dumps them all out, but Gorilla Monsoon rules that it doesn't count. This rule was ignored in 1993 of course, as well as 2002 and 2004. This sets up a very historic RAW moment the next night, as the two have words in the middle of the ring here. Tatanka makes his return as #20, and actually comes out to his original music, but is still a heel. Shawn Michaels finally throws out Lawler at 40:31, who had been hiding for most of the match. Kama returns as #23 and has a shaved head. The Ringmaster is able to dump out Holly at 45:45, who had been in the ring for most of the match. Diesel ends Helmsley's iron man performance at 47:59 with no trouble.
Marty Jannetty enters at #28 and we of course get a heated confrontation between him and Michaels, who work a mini match in the ring until putting each other down with a double punch. Hennig says "They're rockin' now." Those who don't know, Hennig was a close friend with both Marty & Shawn. No, that has nothing to do with anything, but it's fun listening to all the Hennig stories Jannetty tells in his recent shoot interview. Match comes down to Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Davey Boy Smith, and Kama. Diesel & Shawn eliminate the other two and Michaels superkicks Diesel out for the win at 58:49. **1/2 One of the more boring rumble matches, but it wasn't as bad as the next few. Diesel is not happy with the finish and this signals his full heel turn. For those who care, this match was the last time we would see King Mabel on these tapes.
- WWF World Championship Match:
Bret "Hitman" Hart (c) vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer):
Diesel is STILL in the entrance area, and the Undertaker and himself have a little confrontation, where Undertaker beats up Diesel for his trouble. Probably one of the more boring Hart matches I have ever seen, and he isn't really dogging it. Working a good match with an undead Zombie is a little complicated in normal rules matches, so Hart relies a lot on working the knee, which he gets BOOED for. Near the end Bret pulls off the protective mask of Taker, who has no visible scarring. Undertaker has the match won, but Diesel returns, beats up the referee for the DQ at 28:27, and FLIPS UNDERTAKER OFF! McMahon acts like its the worst thing ever to do, and at the time, probably was something new. *1/2 Just too boring and brutally long Taker match to recommend tracking this down. Overall, a very boring PPV that has nothing really memorable that needs to be seen.
End of the 1996 Royal Rumble PPV
- Savio Vega vs. Vader (w/ Jim Cornette):
The night after the Royal Rumble PPV and it's Vader's regular singles match debut. Savio Vega got slaughtered in the Rumble Match by Vader, so he's probably looking for revenge here. If no one knows, this match hosts a very memorable moment in RAW history. Smark crowd it seems, everyone loves Vader. Lockup and Vader shoved Savio off the corner and poses to cheers. Lockup into the corner and Vader pounds away on Savio with vicious blows to the head and body. Savio takes another shit kicking like Clifford Etienne taking a beating from Mike Tyson. Vader misses a cornr splash and Savio connects with chops and a super kick. Vader drags him outside and sends him throat first across the security rail. Back inside and Vader pummels Savio in the corner again. Irish whip to the corner and Vader connects with the pump splash. Vader-Bomb from the second rope gets three at 3:00. *1/2 Impressive real debut for Vader. Vader continues the beating on Savio and then headbutts Jimmy Corderas and tosses him out of the ring. Jack Doan comes in to control Vader and he eats a powerbomb that Doan later said injured him. Now Gorilla Monsoon comes out and gets in Vaders face, suspending him indefinitely. Vader tries starting shit with Monsoon, who in return sends Vader across the ring with knife-edge chops to a huge pop! Vader had enough and pump splashes Monsoon in the corner! Holy Shit! Vader sets Monsoon up in the corner and nails the Vader-Bomb! Holy Shit! He just beat the crap out of the WWF President and Hall of Famer! Shawn Michaels & Razor Ramon play hero, sending Vader running out of the ring. Now Vader wants some of Vince McMahon! Well Vader just got established as the #1 Heel of the Company.
- Razor Ramon vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
KLIQ Members Collide! Lockup and Helmsley with a headlock into a hammerlock. Ramon punches he way out of a wristlock and scares Helmsley into the corner. Lockup and Ramon with a wristlock and shoulder blocks. Helmsley reverses but is tossed into the corner. Helmsley comes back with a series of rights, but is caught in the corner with a clothesline. Ramon with an atomic drop followed by a roundhouse right. Commercial and Helmsley with a baseball slide to Ramon outside the ring. Helmsley with a suplex attempt and he ends up crotching Ramon across the top rope. Helmsley with ashoulder thrusts in the corner and he whips Ramon to the corner. Ramon blocks being sent to the corner, but a dropkick sends him into the post. Helmsley with a clothesline gets a two count. Helmsley hammers away on Ramon in the corner, doing nothing much else of note. The 1-2-3 Kid comes out with a bottle to taunt Ramon. Ramon fights back with rights and floors Helmsley. Ramon chases The Kid outside the ring and is eventually counted out at 5:53. 1/2* Really weak match, and considering these two are friends they couldn't put on a decent match.
- Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' Warroom #4! The final sketch from inside the warrrom. Too bad this was the last truly funny one before being mixed with stupid crap.
Billionaire Ted: Men, I built this company what it is today, by doing one thing well. Thats buying old assets and repackaging them. Buying old movies, buying old cartoons, and heck, I even bought old wrasslers, but I'm tired of stealing every idea from the WWF. So once, just once, lets put our heads together and come up with one original idea.
(Jeopardy imitation music plays; Huckster is sleeping, another person keeps writing WWF, and others are racking their brain)
Scheme Gene: Ted, I have an idea, but it's too hot to tell you on television. Call my hotline now and I'll tell you all about it!
(1-900-SCHEME GENE flashes; everyone pulls out cells)
Announcer: The new WWF Generation. Don't fall for cheap imitations.
- Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. Goldust (w/ Marlena):
Bret Hart is the World Champion and Goldust is the Intercontinental Champion but no title is on the line here. Serious stalling from Goldust, and they finally lock up. Clean break in the corner and Goldust plays with himself as we go to a Commercial ALREADY. Bret has Goldust in a hammerlock but takes some shots to the body. Goldust chokes Bret in the corner and punches a lot. Wristlock by Goldust and he turns it into a hammerlock. Bret uses the leverage of Goldust to send him out through the ropes. ANOTHER COMMERCIAL! This is worse than todays RAW. We come back with Goldust coming off the top rope with a sledge to the head and applies a cross armbar. Bret hammers Goldust in the corner and rakes his eyes! Goldust with a double leg sweep and tries a sharpshooter, but Hart sends him out and he walks off, but Ramon sends him back. Commercial AGAIN and Hart with a side russian leg sweep. Sharpshooter wins at 4:21. DUD I never thought I'd EVER give a DUD to a Hart match, but this one was ruined with THREE COMMERCIAL BREAKS and rest holds.
- Diesel vs. The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette):
Dear God, it's the IYH4 Rematch from Hell! This tape is just not being friendly. Diesel with a boot to the midsection followed by knee lifts in the corner. Diesel with a series of back elbows and a whip to the corner and connects with a charging clothesline. Irish whip and Diesel catches Bulldogs cross body and slams him down hard. Diesel with a clothesline sends Bulldog over the top and out. Bulldog dags Diesel down and rams his chicken leg into the post twice. Bulldog stomps away like he's doing the Garvin Stomp. Bulldog elbows the knee of Diesel and applies a leg grapevine. Diesel fights back but gets poked in the eyes. Bulldog trips Diesel down and goes back to working the leg over. Yokozuna waddles down to the ring as we go to a commercial. We come back and Bulldog has Diesel in a single leg Boston Crab. Yokozuna gets in a cheap shot behind the referees back and Bulldog continues the beating on Diesel. Diesel eventually rams Bulldog into an exposed turnbuckle and snake eyes him on it. Yokozuna comes in and misses a leg drop, hitting Bulldog instead. Diesel covers for the win at 6:10. 1/2* Another bad match in a string of them.
- Billionaire Ted's Press Conference Part I! This is probably one of the least funny of the skits, as it really has nothing to do with the wrestling product. Also it seems to just drag aimlessly until we get a To Be Continued text across the screen.
Billionaire Ted: Uh....ladies and gentlemen. I have a statement I would like to read. Contrary to what the World Wrasslin Federation wants you to believe, I am NOT a hillbilly, and I don't wear cheap suits! Now Questions please! Yeah, right here...
Reporter #1: Is it true that your Four Billion Dollar conglomerate are trying to put the World Wrestling Federation out of business?
Billionaire Ted: I'm not gonna answer that question. Uh...next question.
Reporter #2: Is it true you provide double the programming of the WWF, yet you purposely cut their advertisement?
Billionaire Ted: Yeah...Uh....I'm not gonna answer that either. Facts speak for themselves.
Reporter #3: Isn't it true you put your primetime imitation of RAW head to head with RAW to hurt the WWF?
Billionaire Ted: You're a smart fellow! Next Question right here...
Reporter #4: Since you own the network, couldn't you put your primetime wreasslin show on at a different time, or even on a different night of the week? Don't you think the fans would've preffered that?
Billionaire Ted: You're a smart reporter too! Why don't you all come work for me, I own a news network too. Next question!
Reporter #5: Let's face it. You really don't care about the fans, you're trying to run the WWF out of business, aren't you?
Billionaire Ted: Like I told Rupert Murdoch, "I'll squish 'em like a bug!" Next Question.
Reporter #6: Speaking of spuashing like a bug, whos gonna win the match between The Huckster and Nacho Man?
Nacho Man: Oh...Thinkin, thinkin, thinkin...
The Huckster: It's in my contract Ted, that I never lose!
Billionaire Ted: Uh....Yeah...Let's...uh...take another Question real quick.
Reporter #7: What wouldn't you do to put the WWF out of business?
Billionaire Ted: I wouldn't use my own money, that would be uh...(Nacho & Huckster target him) Uh...is something wrong? Uh...Jane! Where's my Lithium?!
(To Be Continued....but I don't have the next one taped)
- The Godwinns (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. The Body Donnas (w/ Sunny):
Yes, it's the Debut of Phineas I. Godwinn, a.k.a PIG. Hillbilly Jim even has his lucky horse shoe with him. Hillbilly passes the torch of the horse shoe to Phineas. Henry and Skip start with a lockup. Henry with a standing side headlock followed by a shoulderblock. Criss cross sequence and Godwinn press slams Skip, but Zip dropkicks the knee from under him as Sunny distracts everyone. Skip tags back in and they nail a double suplex to Henry O. Sunny taunts Hillbilly Jim while Skip misses a top rope splash. Phineas tags in while Hillbilly chases Sunny with slop. Phineas hammers on everyone and nails a boot to Zip followed by the slop drop for three at 2:17. Skip is dumped out of the ring and the Godwinns do a doe-see-doe with her. 1/4* Nothing match, but it was short at least.
- Vince McMahon introduces the replacement President of the WWF while Monsoon is out of action... "Rowdy" Roddy Piper! This is his first appearence since the 1994 KOTR I think. A sign in the front row says "Hey Huckster and Nacho Man, get with it!" Obviously a planted sign. Piper gives one of his normal rambling promos and airplane spins McMahon to close it out.
- Mankind Vignette #1! "So many of life's great questions remain unanswered. Why is the sky blue? What happend to my ear? Why am I the way I am!? Why are so many people frightened of me?! I don't know....have a nice day!" All we see is a close up of Mankinds missing ear.
- Shawn Michaels vs. Yokozuna (w/ Jim Cornette):
Will we EVER get a regular television match that can peak at two stars? Yokozuna is looking extra fat here, and he has to be at least 650 pounds. Did I register my disgust yet on how Shawn Michaels got special treatment a.k.a not job to anyone and made to be superman. Lockup and Yokozuna throws Michaels down like the bitch he is. Crowd boos him of course for it. Lockup and Michaels with a standing side headlock. Irish whip and Yokozuna with a shoulder block. Lockup again and Yokozuna with a cheap chop. Irish whip and Michaels pats Yokozunas butt and connects with a series of rights, sending Yokozuna tumbling out. Michaels mocks Yokozunas sumo stances, and Vince shoots "Only he can get away with doing something like that!" You ain't just whistling dixie...Owen comes out to join the part as Michaels plays the crowd some more. We come back from commercial and Michaels with a top rope moonsault gets a two count. Irish whip is reversed and Michaels takes a vicious tumble outside in front of Owen who Albany's him and rams his back into the ring post. Michaels should've been counted out 6 times by now, since hes been outside by himself for over a minute! Snapmare and Yokozuna with the VULCAN NERVE HOLD OF DOOM! Commercial break and Yokozuna lands on his ass doing something. Michaels goes to the top rope and misses a big splash. They trade blows and Michaels rocks the fat man. Irish whip is reversed and Michaels with a diving forearm followed by a second to knock Yokozuna down. Michaels with a stomp to the side of the head followed by a cross body off the top rope, but Yokozuna catches him and slams him in the corner. Owen comes in and hits Yokozuna with a heel kick by mistake and sweet chin music ends it at 7:40. 3/4* Wow this tape is really sucking in terms of match quality. We get a KLIQ/Camp Cornette confrontation setting up a match next week.
- Shawn Michaels & Diesel vs. Yokozuna & The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette):
Double the Suck, half the time. The only worker worth anything at this point was Shawn Michaels, and he was on my shit list in 1996-1998 so it's not like I'm looking forward to this. Bulldog and Michaels start the match with duel posing. Lockup and Bulldog with a standing side headlock followed by a shoulder block sending Michaels out of the ring. Lockup and repeat the spot with Michaels poking Bulldog in the eye, only the be press slammed, but Michaels escapes and clotheslines Bulldog out of the ring. Yokozuna hammers Michaels and throws him into Diesel, he thros Michaels back onto Yokozuna. Diesel punches Yokozuna out of the ring for cheers. Yokozuna and Diesel go at it in the ring with a shove-fest followed by a slug-fest. Yokozuna catches Diesel with a Samoan Drop but he misses the elbow drop that always misses. Michaels in with a wristlock and Yokozuna whips him to the ropes, while Bulldog tugs them down. Bulldog sends Michaels into the steps crotch first and rams him into the ring apron. Back inside and Michaels becomes the Prick-in-Peril. Bulldog with a delay suplex and we cut to a commercial. Back to the action and Yokozuna with a resthold...in a TAG TEAM MATCH. Bulldog pounds away at Michaels and catches Michaels with a knee lift. Bulldog yanks Michaels up by the hair and slams him back down. Bulldog actually doing some flipping around to mock Michaels. Yokozuna in the a slam and he misses the splash that always misses. Diesel tags in finally and hammers away at Yokozuna. Boot meets Bulldogs face and Diesel continues beating Yokozuna and sit down splashes him across the second rope. Diesel with a big boot and Michaels off the top of Diesels shoulders with a splash for two. Bulldog accidentally leg drops Yokozuna and sweet chin music knocks Yokozuna out cold, and he's counted out at 9:51. *1/2 Eh....wasn't feeling this baby at all. Afterwards Yokozuna gets the blame and gets talked down by Camp Cornette. Yokozuna attacks Cornette and eventually chases away Bulldog and Owen, officially turning face for the first time in the WWF to cheers.
- Mankind Vignette #2! "Things are getting a little out of control. Maybe I finally found a home... a hardcore home, and maybe I can finally have a nice day!"
- Hakushi vs. The 1-2-3 Kid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
The Kid has a bottle with him to further the feud with Ramon. Lockup and Hakushi with a side headlock takeover, and The Kid reverses with a head scissors. Lockup and we repeat the spot, except with a longer head scissors. Hakushi flips acround and kips up free to a pop. Lockup and Hakushi with a side headlock. Irish whip and Hakushi with a shoulder block. Criss cross and we get a nice reversal sequence ending with a Hkushi super kick, sending The Kid outside. The Kid comes back in the ring and Hakushi chops him around. Irish whip is reversed and Hakushi with a single leg trip, but The Kid kips up. Hakushi with a heel kick to the midsection and The Kid ends up dumping him out of the ring. The Kid with a somsersault plancha puts Hakushi down and he celebrates. The Kid tosses Hakushi back in the ring and does his signature kicking in the corner. Irish whip to the corner and The Kid connects with a running dropkick. Commercial and we come back to a replay of Kid enziguring Hakushi in the face. The Kid goes to the top rope and Hakushi catches him in mid-air with a dropkick to the midsection! Hakushi comes back with chops to the throat and a kick to the midsection. Irish whip to the corner and Hakushi with a springboard elbow followed by diving forearm for a two count. Hakushi with a reverse enziguri followed by a springboard splash to the outside onto The Kid! Back inside and Hakushi goes to the top rope, and connects with a diving shoulderblock for two! Irish whip and The Kid catches Hakushi with a spinning heel kick and rolls him up for two. Hakushi reverses for two of his own! The Kid whips Hakushi across the ring, but it's reversed. Hakushi with a hurricanrana into a pin for two! Hakushi goes to the top rope again but The kid dropkicks him onto the post. The Kid with a top rope double under-hook suplex for three at 8:16! ***1/2 MOTT Right here. Might have been better than their Summerslam 1995 Match.
- We get a Pre-Recorded interview with Jim Cornette and his lawyer, Clarence Mason, who are demanding that Vader's suspension be lifted because the attack by Vader was provoked by Monsoon. Vader's suspension will be lifted by the IYH PPV.
- WWF-World Championship; Royal Rumble 1996 ReMatch:
Bret "Hitman" Hart (c) vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer):
During the commercial, we get a Slammy Award commercial for the New Sensation of the Squared Circle Award. The Nominees: Issac Yankem DDS, Ahmed Johnson, The Body Donnas, Savio Vega, and Goldust. Also the nominees for Minds Behind the Mayhem: Paul Bearer, Jim Cornette, Ted Dibiase, Sunny, and Mr. Fuji.
RAW will not air the next week thanks to a dog show, and McMahon even takes a slight cheap shot at it always costing RAW airtime. This is the rematch no one wanted. Bret avoids a corner attack and plays hit and run...no, not The Simpsons game for PS2. Bret with a series of rights to the midsection and Undertaker headbutts him out of the corner. Undertaker takes a boot to the midsection and Hart hammers away. Undertaker returns to favor and rams Hart into the buckle and chokes him down. Undertaker cheats some more and chokes Hart across the second rope. Undertaker sends Hart to the buckle again and continues the choking process. Undertaker with a claw hold in honor of Kerry Von Erich (but not really) and this match is dragging already. Diesel comes down to ringside for a closer look as Undertaker goes CURRENT SCHOOL, but Hart throws him off. Hart attacks the leg of Undertaker as Diesel joins the commentary. Is he going to shoot like in WCW? Bret with a single leg trip and elbow drops the knee of Undertaker and grapevines it. Hart jerks around the leg of Undertaker and continues kicking at it. Hart wraps Undertakers leg around the ring post but Undertaker comes back. Commercial and we come back to Undertaker planting Hart with a back suplex. Undertaker dumps Hart outside the ring and follows to ram Hart into the security railing. Choking by Undertaker inside the ring and goes CURRENT SCHOOL again and actually connects with it. Undertaker connects with the diving clothesline and goes for the finish, but Bret rolls through and school boys him. Referee is down and Undertaker with a clothesline followed by an elbow drop that misses of course. Outside Bret goes and now Diesel attacks him and rams Bret into the post. Undertaker exits and goes after Diesel now with chops to the throat and rams him into the steps. Diesel with a chair floors Undertaker and we get a No Contest at around 11:00. Diesel rolls Undertaker into the ring and Jackknife Powerbombs him. * Match was actually worse than their previous one, but at least it was 20 minutes shorter.
- 2-on-1 Handicap Match:
Yokozuna vs. Unknown Jobber #1 & Unknown Jobber #2:
Yokozuna hammers on Jobber #1 and no sells a dropkick and puts him down with a scoop slam. Yokozuna stalls and drops a fat assed leg drop. Jobber #2 misses a dropkick and headbutts him back down. Inset promo by Jim Cornette and we find out Vader was reinstated. Yokozuna piles the jobbers up in the corner and comes off the ropes with a Banzai Drop to both of them for the double 1-2-3 at 1:36. DUD Well, we know Yokozuna is a monster, but did we need a Handicap Match?
- More Slammy Award Nominations! The Blue Light Special nominees....Jim Cornette, Harvey Wippleman, Henry Godwin, Brother Love, and Doc Hendrix. The nominees for Best Buns are...Goldust, Sunny, Yokozuna, Shawn Michaels, and Razor Ramon. Guess who won that one in a male populated sports-entertainment. We also have the announced Free For All Match for In Your House 6: Jake Roberts (1990 picture) vs. Tatanka!
- Ahmed Johnson vs. The 1-2-3 Kid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
We get clips of Jeff Jarrett & The 1-2-3 Kid attacking Razor Ramon a few weeks ago on Superstars, and Ahmed Johnson made the save. This, like the previous match, is from Superstars of Wrestling. Jim Ross says The Kid must handle the big Johnson well to win. Ahmed sends The Kid out of the ring on a shove off. Inside and The Kid with a hammerlock. Ahmed elbows him in the face and arm drags him across the ring! Commercial and The Kid with just flurry of kicks in the corner, but Ahmed no sells them. Ahmed connects with a spinebuster, and out comes Jeff Jarrett who jumps into a bearhug, drawing the DQ at 3:34. The Kid & Jarrett celebrate a beating on Ahmed until Ramon chases them off, and the tape cuts off. Call it a 1/2* for Ahmed throwing The Kid around like a doll.
Final Thoughts: Definitely not a good tape here. A few cool things like Vader slaughtering everyone and uh....Well, thats really it. This is probably a tape I don't ever want to look through again unless I'm really really bored with my other 260+ tapes. Definitely don't bother looking for anything here, unless you feel like watching a SSlam 95 rematch between The Kid and Hakushi and Bret Hart having three of the worst matches I've ever seen of his in the WWF.
!-------------------end guest column-----------------!
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