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WWF December 1996- January 1996 Compilation:
- I'm pumping these things out like the world was coming to an end. Why? Because I'm excited by the excellent quality of matches? Hell no! I vowed almost three years ago to recap all my television footage that I personally recorded between late 1992 and February of '97, and damn it, I just want to get it over with. The tape begins with the 5th In Your House PPV, emulating from Hershey, PA.
Quick Rant: Why the hell did WWE bring VISCERA back? I don't care if it's a two week deal, it's STILL bringing back the worst "Main Event" challenger in the history of wrestling. But they should keep Gangrel around, he has that kick-ass entrance. Too bad WWE has to credit White Wolf to EVERYTHING with the name Gangrel written, so I doubt they would do that.
(Editor's note: three words-- "Guest. Referee. Mideon.")
WWF In Your House #5:
Live~! From Hershey Park, PA - December 17th, 1995
- Razor Ramon & Marty Jannetty vs. 1-2-3 Kid & Psycho Sid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
On paper, this match would probably be a MOTN Contender, but in reality, three of these men were confronting personal demons, and the one sober/drug free one sucks when it comes to wrestling. Match isn't BAD, but certainly isn't anything to write home about. During the match we begin a tease of a Goldust/Ramon feud, which also makes this match play second fiddle too. Jannetty of course plays Crack-head in Peril, which is what he does best. Sell and sell a lot. Anyway, Ramon pins Sid fairly easy with a second rope bulldog at 12:20. *3/4 I really wasn't feeling this match, despite being a Jannetty fan, and have tolerence for Ramon & Kid when they don't put on great matches. Sid did nothing of course.
- Next we get the return of "Double J" Jeff Jarrett, back from a contract dispute or something over the summer of this year. Lawler is in the ring to present him a Gold Record for his "Hit Song" With My Baby Tonight. The less said about that in later months, the better. I'll just save the pain for a later date.
- Ahmed Johnson vs. Buddy Landell (w/ Dean Douglas):
Short and Sweet: This is a pathetic bait and switch. Douglas had been suffering lately from a back injury of some kind, and thus could not compete, yet WWF STILL advertised this match for several weeks. Landell, for those who don't know, is pretty much a Ric Flair imitation, although he's been around for quite a while. He was to have had a feud back in the NWA with Flair, but PERSONAL DEMONS ruined that. In a funny coincidence, Douglas has a real life hatred for Flair, and someone said this match was a jab at him. Ahmed pretty much wins with one move, the Pearl River Plunge at 0:42. DUD Ahmed then gives Douglas a spanking with his board of education or whatever the fuck Douglas named his paddle. Ahmed afterwards gets Jarrett's record (a.k.a trophy) shattered over his head...and he no sells.
- 1st Ever Hogpen Match:
Henry O. Godwinn vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
The special referee for this contest....is HILLBILLY JIM! Woo! More Hillbillies! No doubt Vince McMahon is having a ball doing commentary. A hogpen match is simple, you must dump your opponent into a pen filled with hogs and mud. Long match, but entertaining, as Hunter barely escapes defeat by back dropping Godwinn into the crap at 9:28. **1/4 Afterwards Godwinn gets revenge and drops Hunter's big nose first into the mud and hog crap. This lead to Godwinn adopting Hillbilly Jim as his Manager, and we'd add another Hillbilly to the mix in a few weeks...makes me wish for another King Mabel push.
- Diesel vs. Owen Hart (w/ Jim Cornette):
Owen gets serious Jobber treatment, by not even getting his entrance shown. Diesel is in tweener mode, as he beats up anyone he wants. Diesel is still quite over as a face, but he doesn't care about fans anymore. Owen takes a shit kicking, and Diesel Jackknife Powerbombs him twice before getting DQ'ed by tossing the referee down at 4:40. 1/2* Oh well, Owen at least sold like a Champion.
- Next up is a PURE Wrestlecrap moment. Savio Vega and Santa Claus are passing out WWF Merchandise to the crowd as Dibiase cuts a promo in the ring, reminding the fans that everyone has a price for the Million Dollar Man. And, in the DUMBEST ANGLE EVER, SANTA CLAUS TURNS HEEL, becoming Xanta Klaus, but the gimmick lasts all of a week because it's hard to promote a SANTA GIMMICK 52 weeks a year.
- Casket Match:
The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. King Mabel (w/ Sir Mo):
...Thank the fuck Christ this is the end of the horrible feud between these two guys. Undertaker wins this one in short order by putting both members of Men on a Mission in the casket at 6:11, which would signal the burial down the card of King Mabel, who would FINALLY take off by the end of January. DUD of course, and lets never speak of this feud again.
- WWF World Championship Match:
Bret "Hitman" Hart (c) vs. The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette & Diana Smith):
Bret Hart proves that he's one of the better workers in wrestling in this time frame, by carrying the human luggage of Davey Boy Smith to possibly his greatest match of all time. Bret Hart mid way into the match blades himself and bleeds all over the place, leaving puddles on the canvas, the padding on the floor, and soaks the tights of Davey Boys red with blood. Back and forth contest the entire way and Bret Hart is able to pull off a victory at 21:11 with the an Oklahoma Cradle. Forgot to mention, but Davey Boy said he would wear the tights he wore at Summerslam 1992, but despite all the pimping, they aren't even close to the same. ****1/4 Overall for a great match, with some nice psychology and a good pace kept from both sides. Too bad Bulldog wouldn't have many more great matches in WWF unless he was facing someone like Bret or Shawn Michaels.
End of In Your House #5
- "Making A Difference" Fatu vs. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett:
Jeff Jarrett is of course making his first in ring appearence since his loss to Shawn Michaels at the 2nd In Your House in Nashville in July. Lockup and Jarrett with a side headlock. Irish whip and Jarrett ducks a lot of stuff and struts. Fatu with a series of rights and a headbutt. Fatu with a headbutt into the uh...package of Jarrett and does his own strutting. Damn Vince and his dancing fat men. Jarrett stomps away at Fatu and whips him to the ropes. DDT by Jarrett is no sold and Fatu with more punching. Irish whip to the corner and Fatu misses a charge and posts himself. Jarrett with a swinging neckbreaker and he chokes Fatu across the middle rope. Jarrett with a splash across the back of Fatu and he does more strutting. Commercial Break and we come back with Jarrett stomping on Fatu. To the second rope he goes and Jarrett with a sledge to the shoulder of Fatu. Jarrett goes back to the second rope and connects a second time. Irish whip to the corner and Fatu actually MOVED the ring it seemed. Jarrett with a snapmare followed by a second rope attack, but he eats fist on the way down. Irish whip is reversed and Fatu with a powerslam. Irish whip and Fatu with a Ba-a-a-ck body drop. Charing clothesline in the corner and a back breaker by Fatu gets a two count. Fatu with a really horrible looking bulldog out of the corner, and he sells the arm. Jarrett posts him again and goes for the Figure Four, but Ahmed runs in for the DQ at 5:42 and sends Jarrett packing. *1/2 I see Jarrett didn't forget to bring his non-workrate. Why protect Fatu though? He's nothing but a glorified JTTS.
- Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly vs. "Nature Boy" Buddy Landell:
If I was really stupid with a limited amount of jokes, I'd call Holly "Butt Plugg", but that would be too stupid. -Mid Match Rant: Doc Hendrix (Michael Hayes) is shilling the Wrestlemania Arcade Game, and I'm still appauled that the SNES copy was sold at $69.99 while the Play Station copy was only $54.99!- Anyway, to the match we go and I'm not looking forward to it. Thats sarcasm by the way. Lockup and Holly with an arm drag. Lockup again and the same results. Landell with a knee lift and chops in the corner. Irish whip to the corner and Holly boots Landell in the face. Arm drag into an armbar by Holly. Landell does some stuff and applies a wristlock. Irish whip to the corner hard and Landell chokes. More nothing happens and Landell proves why he sucks. Holly tries a comeback but gets booted in the face. Landell applies boring "Submission" holds and more nothing happens. Landell ends this crap with an elbow drop at 6:51. -*** I think this is the reason Landell lasted all of two weeks...he sucked horrible, greasy, unwashed genitalia with extra suck sauce.
- Brother Love Show with the "Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase. Ted Dibiase continues the previous nights events by announcing he has bought "Xanta Klaus". He's from the South Pole you know, and he stole from good boys and girls.
- WWF-Intercontinental Championship Match:
Razor Ramon (c) vs. Yokozuna (w/ Jim Cornette):
Why must we always suffer from these two having a match every 6 months?! Goldust is ushered to the RAW area by some goofball. Highlights of the previous nights happenings between Goldust & Razor Ramon. Yokozuna attacks with the force of his fat, redefining the term "All over someone". Ramon sends Yokozuna out so he can remove his vest. Yokozuna wastes plenty of time circling the ring. Lockup and Ramon with a standing side headlock. Irish whip and Yokozuna with a scoop slam, but he misses an elbow drop. Wristlock by Ramon and he's quickly dumped, but Ramon no sells and gets in a few clotheslines before trying a sunset flip. Yokozuna tries sitting on him, but Ramon moves. Yokozuna chokes away on Razor in the corner and snapmares him. VULCAN NERVE PINCH OF DOOM! Ramon mounts a comeback with roundhouse rights, dropping the fat man for a two count. Commercial (ugh) and we come back to Ramon punching some more. Yokozuna chokes a lot more in the corner but Ramon fights back again and drops Yoko with a diving clothesline. Irish whip is reversed and Ramon with a bulldog off the second rope, but the lights start to flicker and the Undertaker scares off Yokozuna with a casket, giving Ramon the Count-Out win at 8:38. -* Well, it's a SLIGHT improvement from the last match...but it still sucked.
- Music Video Tribute to Shawn Michaels, titled something too gay for me to care to remember. Pretty much him faking a career ending injury so they stick this video together of clips of him from previous years. Too bad they only show about 2 seconds of him as a Rocker, and the rest as a heel from 93-95. Oh well, thank god the production got a lot better with these things.
- Special Edition of Raw: THE RAW BOWL~!
Words cannot describe how stupid this is. The whole night has a Football feel to it, with a Halftime show, Cheerleaders, Bands playing Football tunes, and evil Referee Earl Hebner who makes some bad calls. The ring is also made up like a Football Field..kinda. Feels like a horrible AWA Team Challenge thing. Lawler has on a #95 Clevland Browns jersey...I thought they converted to the Baltimore Ravens by this time, but my NFL is rusty (Editor's note: the Browns move was announced in October 1995. They played the remainder of the season in Cleveland with no fan support.
Baltimore Ravens became official in 1996. Additionally, this
show was aired on the same night as several big college bowl games. Hence, the gimmick) . Also, tonight we get the Debut of one of the DUMBEST SKITS EVER.
- Four-Corner Tag Team Elimination Match:
#38 Billy Gunn & #45 Bart Gunn vs. #1 Owen Hart & #641 Yokozuna (w/ Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji) vs. #4 Razor Ramon & #Uno Savio Vega vs. #1-2-3 1-2-3 Kid & #00 Psycho Sid (w/ Ted Dibiase):
Each Team is allowed One Time Out during the match in case you want to save your partner. Yes, everyone actually has shirts on with their "Number" on it. Bart Gunn starts the match out with Owen Hart, who line up at the line of scrimmage. Gunn with a drop toe hold followed by a dropkick and several arm drags. Owen tags in Billy Gunn, and they have to fight! Lockup and Bart with a headlock. Irish whip and a criss cross leads to tags to Yokozuna & Owen Hart. Off-Topic note: Billy Gunn would end up doing the GREATEST FINISH EVER to a Multi-Team Tag Match in 1998, where he pinned his OWN Tag Partner to retain the Tag Team Titles. Owen bounces off the ropes and is planted with a clothesline. Owen tags in Savio Vega and we get a KOTR Rematch (vomits). Savio hammers away on Yokozuna. Irish whip is reversed and Yoko connects with a back elbow. Elbow drop misses and Savio runs into a scoop slam. 1-2-3 Kid tags in and he does the Macarena. Lockup and Savio with a go behind. Criss cross sequence and Savio with a clothesline for two. Spinning heel kick by Vega gets another two count. Owen tags back in and runs into an arm drag followed by a series of clotheslines by Savio. Owen connects with a spinning heel kick for two, and Savio tags in Ramon. Wristlock by Ramon and Owen reverses it, only to be planeted with a roundhouse right. Bart Gunn tags in and Ramon with a headlock. Irish whip and Ramon with a shoulderblock for two. Savio is back in with a wristlock and he tags Sid in. Lockup and Sid hammers on Gunn and chokes him across the top rope. Irish whip and Bart with a big clothesline for a two count. Bart actually suplexes Sid for another two count. Elbow drop misses and Sid boots Bart in the belly. Savio tags in for Bart and we get a test-of-strength tease. Sid pounds away at Vega and falls on top of him on a slam attempt for two. Owen tags in with a series of rights and headbutts followed by an enziguri for two. Yokozuna headbutt and he tags in to beat on Vega. Commercial Break and Owen tags back in for a double headbutt. Owen goes for the sharpshooter, but Savio blocks it. 1-2-3 Kid tags in and connects with a spinning heel kick. Yokozuna tags in and hammers on Vega while Brother Love preaches in the Locker Room. 1-2-3 Kid misses a charge to the corner and Savio goes down anyway. Sid tags in for the Kid and stomps on Vega. Kid with a scoop slam to Vega and he misses an elbow drop. Ramon gets the tag in FINALLY and he pounds on The Kid. Irish whip and Ramon with a fallaway slam. Sid calls TIMEOUT!
[Timeout by 1-2-3 Kid & Sid]
Razor Ramon doesn't care and gives The kid the Razors Edge. Ted Dibiase jumps on the apron and Hebner throws the flag and orders Dibiase down from the apron. Sid tags in for The Kid and clotheslines ramon to the back of the head. The Kid is still legal and covers for three at 9:52 even though Savio was signalling for Time! Stupid blind officials....they cost the Giants Superbowl XXXV damn it! Time in and The Kid locks up with Bart Gunn. Gunn gets double teamed by the [x]ID'S and Owen Hart tags in and shoulder thrusts Bart in the corner. Snap suplex by Owen gets a two count. Irish whip and Owen with a knee to the midsection followed by a stomp to the chest. Bart with a school boy roll up for a two count. Owen with a scoop slam and he goes to the top rope, and misses a splash. Billy gets the tag in and hammers away on all the heels and takes a shot at Cornette. Kid with a kick to the back of the head and Owen with a swinging neckbreaker. Yokozuna goes for the Banzai Drop, but in a comical moment, the Gunns trip up Owen and he ends up getting the Banzai Drop across the back. Yokozuna tries calling timeout as Billy covers for three at 13:54. Damn Blind Referees...Anyway, Sid stomps away at Billy Gunn and we get a replay of Owen taking one for the team. Sid with a lot more stomping on Billy and the referee blows the whistle on him. Irish whip to the corner and The Kid connects with a running dropkick followed by a Sid clothesline for two. Sid applies the reverse chinlock of doom, and Billy Gunn elbows free of it. Criss cross and Sid kills Billy with a big boot for a 40 yard field goal. Leg drop by Sid connects and he covers for a two count. Billy with a surprise small package gets a two count, but he isn't able to tag out to Bart. Sid hammers on Billy some more with roundhouse rights. Irish whip and Sid with a chokeslam for...some posing. The Kid comes in but Ramon shoves him off the top onto Sid and Billy covers Sid for the victory at 18:24! THANK YOU GOD! DUD Unique match that sucked ass. Whoever thought THIS was a good idea needs to be strung up by the balls. The Gunns are the winners of the Lombardi Trophy....no, not the VINCE Lombardi trophy...yes, they actually are going to use the joke later. Horrible match, and that last 5 minutes with SID & BILLY GUNN was just excruciating.
- Halftime Report with Doc Hendrix! 2:00 Report! Still to come we have Diesel taking on King Mabel. Jim Ross is standing by outside the Locker Room of Diesel. Diesel said he was going to kick the Kings can. Hendrix is wondering which Kings can he is wanting to kick. Royal Rumble 1996 is going to be held in Fresno, CA. Bret Hart defends the Title against The Undertaker. Also on the lineup is Ahmed Johnson against Jeff Jarrett, where at IYH5 Jeff Jarrett commited a foul. Royal Rumble Match rules run down as the winner heads to the Super Bowl of the WWF, Wrestlemania XII, for a World Title Shot. Time to go back to the Field for the second half! We get a re-broadcast of the Henry Godwinn/Hunter Hearst Helmsley Hogpen Match from In Your House 5....
- 1st Ever Hogpen Match:
Henry O. Godwinn vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
Yes, I just copied and pasted something from this very review! I'm out of control! (Philbin mode off) The special referee for this contest....is HILLBILLY JIM! Woo! More Hillbillies! No doubt Vince McMahon is having a ball doing commentary. A hogpen match is simple, you must dump your opponent into a pen filled with hogs and mud. Long match, but entertaining, as Hunter barely escapes defeat by back dropping Godwinn into the crap at 9:28. **1/4 Afterwards Godwinn gets revenge and drops Hunter's big nose first into the mud and hog crap. This lead to Godwinn adopting Hillbilly Jim as his Manager, and we'd add another Hillbilly to the mix in a few weeks...makes me wish for another King Mabel push.
- Diesel vs. King Mabel (w/ Sir Mo):
Speaking of wishing for a Mabel push, heres more of the depushing of King Mabel. The jobbers seem to be serious straining carrying Mabels fat ass to the ring. Diesle attacks Mabel from behind with a clothesline. Big boot connects and Diesel pins Mabel for the three count at 0:08! Mo takes a beating and Diesel connects with a Jackknife Powerbomb! Diesel didn't even take off his vest! DUD Of course. Diesel then steels the Miss Raw Bowl winner away from everyones least favorite horny old man Jerry Lawler.
- Backstage we go as The Smoking Gunns, Savio Vega, Ahmed Johnson, Hakushi and Marty Jannetty are celebrating the victory of the Lombardi Trophy. In comes the Brooklyn Brawler, and he prevents the winners with the (Steve) Lombardi Trophy. Brawler takes a beating from all the babyfaces and is held down as the Smoking Gunns dump a cooler of Ice Tea on the Brawler in a hilarious moment. Just change the word hilarious in the previous segment and replace it with your favorite word for "feces" and you get the idea.
- WWF Royal Rumble Report. Live from Fresno, CA on January 21st, 1996. In the Royal Rumble Match, the participants so far include Diesel, Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, Dory Funk Jr., Savio Vega, King Mabel, Bam Bam Bigelow, Barry Horowitz, Yokozuna, Tatanka, who is making his WWF Return, and the man they call VADER~!!! Now that was one hell of a surprise for me.
- Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' Warroom! The first in many sketches featuring Billionaire Ted, The Huckster, The Nacho Man, Scheme Gene, and a host of other Turner "executives". Ted Turner wants his rasslers to pull off better moves. Blink and you'll miss Vince Russos cameo appearence.
Billionaire Ted: All right listen men. We need more action from our stars. I-I-I want them to pull out all the stops!
Executive #1: OK Boss, we have some suggestions. As you can see this first maneuver is extremely impressive (Razors Edge).
Vince Russo: You think you can pull it off Huckster?
Huckster: No way, brother!
Executive #2: OK, that's a tough one, Nacho, how about this maneuver? (Pearl River Plunge)
Nacho Man: No way, never!
Executive #2: How about the Jackknife?
Nacho Man: Ain't done it in my entire career, and ain't about to try it now! (snaps into a Slim Jim)
Executive #3: How about climbing the ropes and performing aerial tactics?
The Huckster: Brother, at my age, my feet don't leave the ground!
Billionaire Ted: Well tell us what you boys can do.
(The Huckster starts cupping his ear as Nacho prances around waving his finger up in the air)
Announcer: You cant teach old dogs new tricks. The New WWF Generation. On top of the hill, not over it.
- Hakushi vs. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett:
Jarrett has a guitar with him tonight....oh God, not that stupid gimmick again. Jarrett has hid zebra tights on for tonights match, for those who give a rats ass..(crickets chirping). Lockup and Jarrett with a wirstlock. Irish whip to the corner is reversed and Jarrett with a scoop slam and some strutting. Jarrett with an irish whip but Hakushi with a single leg sweep takedown but he is dumped out of the ring. Hakushi lands on his feet and comes off the top rope with a shoulder tackle. Irish whip and Hakushi connects with a dropkick. Jarrett takes a walk outside the ring for some stallin'. Jarrett back in with some stomps to Hakushi followed by a clothesline. Jarrett chokes Hakushi across the middle rope and connects with a sit down splash. Commercial and we come back with Jarrett having Hakushi in the Abdominal Stretch of Doom! Irish whip and Jarrett catches Hakushi with a nifty swinging neckbreaker. Irish whip and Hakushi with a spinning kick. In an out of character moment, McMahon LAUGHS at a Lawler joke. Irish whip and Hakushi misses a dropkick, so Jarrett covers for two. Wouldn't a dropkick hurt when you do it anyway? You still land hard...Logic in Wrestling. Back to the match and Jarrett applies a reverse chinlock. Hakushi with a comeback and he nails a springboard elbow in the corner followed by a diving forearm for a two count. Hakushi with a slam and he goes to the top rope with a splash, but he meets the knees. Jarrett signals for the end and applies the Figure-Four for the submission win at 5:49. ** Could've been worse, but Jarrett's style REALLY sucks when it comes to short matches. Jarrett then takes his guitar...but Hakushi has already left. No playing the blues tonight I guess.
- Names added to the Royal Rumble Match....Doug Gilbert on loan from USWA, the WWF Return of JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS!, Jerry Lawler, Fatu, and Issac Yankem D.D.S, Henry Godwinn, Marty Jannetty, Kama (also returning to action), Skip of the Body Donnas, and Takao Omori on loan from AJPW. Also announced from last week are Diesel, Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, Dory Funk Jr. (on loan from the Retirement home), Savio Vega, King Mabel, Bam Bam Bigelow, Barry Horowitz, Yokozuna, Tatanka (making his return), and the Man They Call Vader. World Champion Bret Hart defends against The Undertaker, and Ahmed Johnson faces Jeff Jarrett.
- Brother Love Show and we get the DEBUT of the newest Million Dollar Champion...The Ringmaster. Yup, it's the debut of everyones favorite beer drinking, wife beating, neck breaking bad ass, Stone Cold Steve Austin. He announces he is going to be in the Royal Rumble Match. Austin seriously looks odd with a buzzcut hair style, and talking in a southern type twang without using his favorite words.
- Aldo Montoya vs. Goldust:
We join in for the end of Goldusts ring entrance, sadly and we go right into the match. Glad to see Goldust no longer paints his ears black like a fucking Panda Bear...oh my god, McMahon was taking shots at them years ago. Goldust attacks Montoya from behind and sissy slaps him. Irish whip to the corner and Montoya sells like a champ. Goldust with a nasty back suplex followed by a diving clothesline. Goldust with a neck jerk while Lawler makes some stupid jokes about McMahon and the Hart Family minus Owen. Irish whip and Montoya with a clothesline and a series of rights. Irish whip and he puts Goldust down with a back drop. Irish whip again and Goldust with the curtain call for three at 2:15. 1/2* That was....short. I guess they needed time to reshow the Bret Hart/British Bulldog match from IYH 5 like last week with Godwinn/Helmsley.
- WWF Press Conference for the Royal Rumble with Shawn Michaels. Short and sweet, he announces he ISN'T retiring (no shit) and wants to stick himself into the Royal Rumble Match. Scheme Gene cuts in and wants everyone to call his hotline for his big update. It's Vader, and we get the joke about Gene Okerlunds Hotline. Afterwards, Diesel, Razor Ramon, and Owen Hart make comments on Shawn Michaels returing to action.
- Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' Warroom #2! This is where the skits are funny, but are starting to take unnecessary shots at World Championship Wrestling about their company policies, and even do stupid shit like do a close up of Ted's teeth that has a piece of spinach stuck in between two of them.
Billionaire Ted: OK guys we need a new slogon for our rasslin show.
Vince Russo: How about uncut, uncensored, uncooked?
Billionaire Ted: Nah, we already stole that one.
Executive #1: How about ripping off unbelievable, like not believable?
Executive #2: Like Teds rasslin is not believable.
Billionaire Ted: Boys this isnt the time to start telling the truth.
Executive #3: We really need something original this time.
Executive: #1: How bout this is where the good old boys play?
Exectuivew #2: Or even just the old boys play?
The Huckster: Who you callin old, brother?
Billionaire Ted: I told you guys this isn't the time to tell the truth. Yes nacho man?
Nacho Man: Lets lie. How about this is where the big boys play. yeah!
Billionaire Ted: Yeah i like that. That's just honest enough to work.
Nacho Man: What if all our stars had to take a legitamate drug test for steroids?
The Huckster: You dont have to wrorry about that brother, cause we're not in the WWF anymore.
Billionaire Ted: Yeah, this is where the big boys play.
Announcer: The WWF New Generation. There's nothing old or unoffical here.
- The Ringmaster (w/ Ted Dibiase) vs. Scott Taylor:
For some reason, I taped the January 15th RAW on ANOTHER Tape from the Fall of 94, but I'll just go with this and continue afterwards with the other stuff, and splice it on the tape later. This is from the Superstars of Wrestling before the 1996 Royal Rumble. Commercial cuts off the beginning and Ringmaster with a go behind hammerlock and take down into a choke. Ringmaster with clubbing blows and he chokes the future Scotty Too Hotty on the middle rope. Gutwrench suplex by Ringmaster and we get an Inset Promo from Ringmaster & Dibiase while Ringmaster stomps away at Taylor. Ringmaster with a firemans carry into a front slam and some smack talking. Ringmaster with a knee drop and he rams Taylor into the buckle. Irish whip and Ringmaster with a back elbow for a two count, as Ringmaster uncovers. Ringmaster applies the Million Dollar Dream and thats enough for the victory at 2:44. ** Very energetic match from Ringmaster in this squash match. Funny, Taylors ring attire looked a size too small for him. Afterwards Ringmaster does more stomping and celebrates with the Million Dollar Belt.
- Marty Jannetty vs. Owen Hart (w/ Jim Cornette):
This match definitely has some potential to be very good, if we take their little mini-match from the Battle Royale a few months back into question. Lockup and Owen with a wristlock. Jannetty with reverses and arm drags Owen over. Monkey flip and they break. Owen with a shove and they lockup again. Owen with a side headlock into a go behind hammerlock. Jannetty reverses with a drop toe hold and applies a front facelock. Owen places Marty on the second rope and Jannetty ends up with a japanese arm drag. Shoves by Owen and Jannetty with a series of rights. Irish whip and Owen tries a rollup but Jannetty blocks and connects with a clothesline for two. Jannetty applies a reverse chinlock and Owen with some hair pulling. Irish whip and Jannetty with a shoulder block. Off the ropes and Owen catches Jannetty with an over head belly-to-belly suplex. Owen with a back breaker followed by some stomping to the kidneys of Jannetty. Irish whip to the corner and Jannetty comes off the second rope with a cross body for two. Owen connects with an enziguri for his own two count and applies a reverse chinlock. Jannetty battles back to his feet and takes over Owen with an arm drag, but misses an elbow drop. Owen goes for the sharpshooter but Jannetty kicks Owen off. Owen with a standing dropkick and shoulder thrusts in the corner. Jannetty catches Owen with a knee to the face followed by a clothesline. Owen rakes the eyes of Jannetty and connects with a gutwrench suplex for two. Commercial and we come back with Owen putting Jannetty in some kind of stomp puller position. Irish whip and Jannetty slams Owen face first into the canvas. Irish whip to the corner is reversed and Jannetty comes off with a flipping face buster. Irish whip and Jannetty with a powerslam. He goes to the top rope but Owen moves so Jannetty clotheslines Owen over and out of the ring. Jannetty tries a suplex back in but Owen blocks and we get a reversal sequence ending with Owen pinning Jannetty with a nice bridge combination at 5:39. ***1/2 Hot fast paced match, but didn't have too much time to build anything up.
- Royal Rumble Report Time once again. New names added to the Rumble Match include The Ringmaster, Hakushi, Mr. Bob Backlund, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Duke Droese, The 1-2-3 Kid, and Shawn Michaels. Skip of the Body Donnas has withdrawn from the match, as has Bam Bam Bigelow new matches added are WWF Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon defending the title against Goldust, and WWF Tag Team Champions The Smoking Gunns defend against Skip & Zip (Tom Prichard) of the Body Donnas. They have Sunny in their corner, you know. Speaking of Sunny, WWF has been airing some seductive promos of her showing lots of skin and in a bathtub wearing very little except some lathered soap....excuse me. (comes back in 8 minutes)
- The Ringmaster (w/ Ted Dibiase) vs. Matt Hardy:
What is with Ringmaster squashing current WWE Wrestlers who ironically are jobbing to everyone still? Hardy as "H" and "V" on his tights. What does it mean? Call Scheme Gene to find out! Ringmaster with a side headlock followed by a takeover. Hardy reverses for a one count. Lockup and Hardy with a sloppy headlock. Irish whip and Ringmaster with a Lou Thesz Press before it had a name. Hardy with a sunset flip pin for one and Ringmaster with a forearm and some boots. Irish whip and Ringmaster with a back drop. Vince and Lawler talk about OJ and his daughter selling Orange Juice for some reason. He was innocent by the way. Ringmaster beats on Hardy in the corner with some chops and rights. Ringmaster spreads Hardys legs (dont laugh) and murders him in the corner. Ringmaster with a knee drop off the second rope followed by choking. Snapmare and Ringmaster with an elbow drop. Ringmaster plants Hardy with fall forward suplex for two. Choking across the middle rope and Ringmaster hot shots Hardy across the top rope. Million Dollar Dream finishes this at 4:32. * An extended squash and not as good as the previous one.
- The Smoking Gunns vs. The Spiders:
Join in Progress, and it's really just a jobber match too. The Spiders probably are related to the Executioners since they have the same ring attire on. Also, the reports are that the Spiders are confirmed to be the loser MLB Team from the late 19th century. Billy Gunn with a small package on Spider #1 and Spider #2 tags in with some punching. I just noticed the Spiders have something written on the side of their tights that looks like "Executioner", but it's too small. Gunn with an early day Fame Asser. Bart Gunn tags in with a clothesline followed by slams to both Spiders and a series of standing dropkicks. Irish whip and Bart catches Spider #2, and Billy comes off the top with the side winder leg drop for three at 1:07. DUD Uh....point of showing this match, McMahon?
- Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' Warroom #3! This one is actually kind of funny, so here, once again, for everybody, is the dialogue of the sketch.
Billionaire Ted: I bought myself networks, I bought myself a world series, I bought a library and classic movies. Heck, I even colorized a few of them, but why cant I buy the WWF?!
Executive: We've been trying Ted.
Billionaire Ted: How come their wrestling is still better than ours?
Vince Russo: They've got better athletes. All we got is their disloyal, greedy, has-beens from the 80's.
The Huckster: Who you callin a has-been, brother?
Scheme Gene: Can't blame a guy for trying to con uh...make an honest buck!
The Nacho Man: Who you callign disloyal? Besides, I started in the 70's, not the 80's!
Billionaire Ted: Well go out there and buy me some of those WWF generation superstars.
Announcer: the New WWF Generation. its not for sale
Billionaire Ted: Uh... Huckster. What if we called you the boy toy? huh Huh, thats good I like that!
- The Undertaker vs. Dr. Issac Yankem D.D.S:
In the most creative move in Sports Entertainment, Yankems' Raw screen logo is a close up of his mouth, and his teeth spell out Yankem in dirty colors. The brothers of destruction collide two years too soon. Final match on this tape. The two go face to face and Yankem takes a cheap shot, but Undertaker blocks and boots Yankem in the corner. Irish whip to the corner and Undertaker with a clothesline. Undertaker with a scoop slam followed by choking in the corner. Yankem tries a comeback and connects with a clothesline. Undertaker Zombies-Up and no sells stuff. Undertaker tries a tombstone, but Yankem slithers out and goes outside. Undertaker brawls with Yankem and chokes. Lawler tries stealing the urn, but Undertaker scares Lawler away. Back inside the ring and Yankem stomps away and applies a single leg boston crab! Irish whip to the corner and Yankem applies a bearhug to the Zombie. Undertaker kills Yankem with a tear drop suplex. Yankem no sells and powerslams Undertaker off an irish whip and drops a series of elbows. Yankem tries a Tombstone Piledriver but Undertaker blocks it and connects with an elbow drop. Tombstone Piledriver by Undertaker finishes his future burned half-brother at 7:28. 1/2* This really wasn't the greatest way to end a tape...but Ramon beating the shit out of Goldust backstage with a garbage can is! We even get some brawling in the snow.
- Final Thoughts: We had a couple of good free television matches here, and the Main Event of In Your Hourse #5 was a great match, but everything else was either too bland or sucked way too much. The highlight of the tape (HA!) is the RAW Bowl, which is probably the worst idea to date. Of course, if anyones watched from 1998 to the present, you see shit top this on a daily basis.
On the other hand, The Billionaire Ted skits actually started out very entertaining, attacking Ted's company hiring losers WAY past their primes. But of course, they got very tasteless and moved away from actual WRESTLING. The next tape starts with the 1996 Royal Rumble and the matches that would follow leading up to the 6th In Your House.
!-------------------end guest column-----------------!
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