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What the HECK?/Intro- WWF at the Boston Garden -August 3, 1985
Slight bummer, as Comcast has locked down all OnDemand programming, including all the WWE 24/7 offerings.
Most likely, they've added Macrovision copy protection, which prevents me from recording anything
available through OnDemand. DVD recorders don't work, and VCRs return awful
quality. Everything's now "see it once and that's it". Kinda' sucks, because in addition to this show, I was also planning on
recording two episodes of "Gigantor"...and maybe some dirty movies under the Starz "Only Here" selection.
Don't blame WWE for this, blame Comcast. They were almost forced to add protection when they began
offering their ridiculous "new movies the same day as the DVD release" garbage. Who the hell buys those
PPV movies anyways?
So what this means to those of you who don't understand Big Words, or any concept more complex than a doorknob:
I do NOT have a copy of this show. Please don't email me, requesting such. ES No Have This Show.
Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and "Mean" Gene Okerlund. They say they're "almost at rigside, but not quite".
We can't see any commentators at rigside, so I'm guessing the commentary was recorded later.
Match 1: Jose-Luis Rivera vs. Les Thornton
Oh boy. Thornton's wearing a simple blue windbreaker.. trusted ringwear since 1955. Thornton starts with
a headlock into a takedown to the mat. Rivera counters with a head scissors and that's your recurirng theme for
this match. Seriously. Thronton applies a resthold and Rivera counters with a head scissors. To mix it up,
sometime Rivera will apply a resthold and Thornton will counter with a head scissors.
Tricksy are the hobbitses! At one point, Gorilla calls Thornton the "Man of 1,000 Holds". Don't freak
Malenko fans.. that moniker was probably used for anybody who knew more than three restholds from
1880-present. Thornton pounds Rivera on the apron, but Rivera sunset flips his way in and gets a 2 count.
Rivera bounces off the ropes for a flying bodypress and Thornton was supposed to catch him and maybe roll over.
Thornton blow it and turns it into a sloppy slam, instead. Ref is confused and counts a slowwwwww
1 count. Crowd seems to pick it up and begins boo'ing. Rivera laucnhes himself off the second rope
for another bodypress. This time, Thornton rolls through (even sloppier) and
pins him. They had a REAL hard time doing the ol' "momentum carries him over into a reversal" spot. Turd #1.
Match 2: Tiger Chung Lee vs. George "The Animal" Steele
Steele was stil a freshly turned babyface, so the fans are into him. Gorilla wih the
line of the night: "this is gonna' be a classic, Gene!" Lee has a kendo stick with him
and stalls outside the ring with it for a good three minutes. George peeks over gets
a light tap from it. Lee comes in and gets a load of biting from Steele. They break, Steele
waves his arms, and Lee bails. Repeat this. Several times. And once more for good measure!
Lee finally shoves Steele into the turnbuckle and begins choking him with a foreign object.
They tumble out and Lee slams Steele's head into the table. George don't like that, so
he picks up the entire table and flings it into the ring. He's Hardcore! He's Hardcore!
Back inside, Steele decides to eat a turnbuckle to fire the crowd up some more.
Lee wanders over. Steele jabs him with his own foreign obejct and gets the pin.
Fans dig it.. but this is Mervyn's Sweater Ugly. Turd #2
Match 3: George Wells vs. Brutus Beefcake
Wells is announced as a "former Canadian All-star football player". So keeping with the Canadian
Football gimmick, I suppose he probably tried for a 4 count to pin someone and
thought the ring was 10 feet wider (*rimshot*). Brutus stalls for awhile to take off his bowtie.
Brutus has his nifty lightning bolt gloves... always thought those were cool. But my
favorite SuperFriend was Black Vulcan, so there ya' go. Gene and Gorilla talk about Brutus
suddenly being billed as from San Francisco. They ask: "is he trying to make a statement?! Is there
something we should know if he's from SAN FRANCISCO?" Subtlety delivered with the grace of a yak.
Wells begins with a snap armdrag to freak Bruti out. Wells hooks a standing sideheadlock. Bruti
elbows to escape and delivers a shitty armdrag. Wells fires back with two shoulderblocks to
clear the ring. Both shoulderblocks were technicalluy chop-blocks...no
doubt inspiring Dr. Alex Gibbs to use the technique 10 years later
when coaching the Broncos' offensive line. Bruti returns and walks into two more shoulderblocks and a hammerlock from Wells.
Wells tosses him out through the ropes and follws him out for a headbutt.
Wells hits the post and Bruti finally takes over. Stompy/ kicky happens. Beefcake tries a chickenwing
and falls back on it with his leg. Both guys brawl on their knees, with Wells getting the upperhand.
Wells with a headbutt, mulekick and a flying head shitty. I'd call it "flying head scissors",
but this Special Move deserved its own name. Wells gets bRuti reeling with two charging three-point stance
shoulderblocks. Brutus slouches in the corner and Wells goes for a third. The crowd
senses what's going to happen, and YOU should too. In a Surprising Turn of Events,
Bruti moves out of the corner and Wells hit the turnbuckles. Bruti hits a high knee to the back
and scores the pin. Turd #3
Match 4: Pedro Morales vs. Mr. X
Gorilla talks about Morales' title accomplishments and Gene completely misinterprets, thinking
he had all three title belts at the same time. X is "EVIL" Danny Davis, who comes back to work
the rest of the show as the referee. X stalls for most of the match and threatens to walk out.
Morales....watches! They do a quick criss-cross sequence to allow
Morales to deliver a hip-toss and a slam. X bails.. again. Back in, X tries
a side headlock takeover, which Morales counters into a hammerlock. X bails. Again.
This happens about 12 more times. Maybe 13 times in reality...there may have been an edit in here!
X returns for a final move: a flying clothesline for 2. He tries again, but Morales ducks.
Morales hits an atomic drop, slam and applies the Boston Crab to get the submission win. Turd #4
Match 5: "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorf vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper
This is fun, simply because both guys appear really intense for the entire match.
Insta-brawl before introductions can be completed. Piper goes to a single-leg takedown and they
brawl on the canvas. If it was two chics, adolescent boys would be excited! They go Beyond the Ring
where Orndorf delivers an atomic drop and Piper smashes him on a table. Piper finds a microphone stand
and gets a good shot with that. Back in the ring, Orndorf connects off the top rope with an elbow
and Piper tries to beg him off. Piper goes to the Shemp Stooge Eye-Boink and pounds away on
Orndorf for awhile. In the midst, he stops to mimmick some of Orndorf's poses. Hot Rod rules!
Piper tries a backdrop, but it ends up as a sujnset flip for Orndorf. Orndorf grabs a good chunk of
Piper's britches, and Piper spends the rest of the match with his tushy cakes hanging out. Okay...
maybe Hot Rod doesn't rule. Gorilla postulates abou Piper's drawers: "the ref could pull 'em up". Ummm..
yeah. Orndorf reverses a Piper suplex into a reverse sunset flip for 2. Piper gets a kneelift and
cinches in a sleeper. Orndorf's arms drop once...twice....nooooo!! Thump! Thump! Irishwhip and ..
both guys' heads hit. Piper tries a mare, countered with a leg scissors from Orndorf. Reverse waistlock,
which Orndorf bridges out of and turns into a backslide for 2. They trade punches in the middle of the
ring until Orndorf charges with a flying bodypress. Both guys flip over the top rope, then brawl to
a double countout. Orndorf thinks he's beaten the count, but Piper attacks him in the back of the head.
The ref tries to break it up and gets nailed for his troubles. Orndorf attacks Piper and they brawl
all the way back to the lockerrom. Gorilla informs us that, yes, "it's PANDEMONIUM!" Pretty decent brawl. NOT a turd.
Match 6: Salvatore Bellomo vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage
One of Savage's first WWF matches and it's weird seeing him enter with Elizabeth or
"Pomp & Circumstance". It's also weird to see him with a FULL head of hair! Bellomo's
supposed to be the face, but he heels it up with the crowd during the introductions. This looks
to be right after an intermission, since Danny Davis
has returned as the ref. Macho goes for a waistlock takedown, which Bellomo spins out of. Mahco hops outside and
grabs a Japanese ringside photographer. Back inside, Bellomo gets the Move Du Jour-
A sunset flip for a quick 1 count. Mahco breaks and is out to point at the photogrpaher again!
He returns to apply a full nelson and Gene asks Gorilla about the history of the hold. Gene tells us
(correctly?) that it was named for Nelson Swaggler. Hmm..who knew. Macho applies an arm-wringer and
a Greco-Roman Hairpull. Macho knocks him outside and works the crowd for boos. Mahco tries to suplex him,
but Bellomo reverses with a small package for 2. Macho tosses him outside again and this time
goes up top to land his big flying double-axehandle. Crowd freaks out over that! Back inside, Macho
whips Bellomo for a lariat and a powerslam. Macho goes up top, lands the flying elbow
and scores the pin. Just a Macho squash, as Bellomo was his usual hen-shit worthless self. Turd #5
Match 7: "Quick Draw" Rick McGraw vs. Terry Funk
They fart around with a lock-up attempt for awhile, until McGraw gets a powerslam.
Funk hits the post and McGraw goes to work the "injured" shoulder with a shoulderbreaker.
Makes sense. Funk kicks out of a pin attemept at offers a handshake to McGraw. Gorilla
mentions that you should never trust Funk, since he's a "Texas Rattler". Funk keeps giving a clean break
and seems to be playing fairly. Funk suckers McGraw in with a clean headlock, then delivers a low blow
to Little Ricky. Funk tosses him out through the ropes and argues with the crowd.
A piece of trash nails Funk and he's pissed! Funk suplexes McGraw back in and whips him for
a backdrop attempt. Yup, sunset fip for 2! Funk misses a legdrop, twice, allowing
McGraw to atomic drop him and send him over the top. McGraw trails him out for some revenge.
They return to the ring where McGraw suplexes Funk and whips him to the ropes. Once again,
both guys heads hit! Funk is groggy, but makes it up and slams him. He misses a floow-up
elbow twice. McGraw hops up and delivers an Airplane Spin!! Flying bodypress by McGraw gets only 1.
Funk suddenly hooks a sleeper and puts him away. Afterwards, Funk "brands" McGraw with...
gasp, chalk!! Before he can leave, the ref asks Funk to revive McGraw and he obliges.
McGraw attacks from behind and Funk bails. There's that Japanese photog again... Funk doesn't
like him either! The ending picked up a bit, but the first 8 mnutes or so were painfully boring.
Turd #6
Match 8: Junkyard Dog & Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat vs. Mr. Fuji & Magnificent Muraco
Sort of a grudge match, after Muraco and Fuji had choked out Steamboat a few earlier. Really not too fair,
since Muraco gets his manager as a partner, while Steamboat gets the Junkyard Dog. The good guys enter
to "Grab 'dem Cakes" and clear the ring. Steamer gets some payback and chokes out Fuji with his karate belt.
Dog & Steamer whip Fuji right into Muraco. Steamboat and Muraco pair off at ringside, while
JYD headbutts Fuji in the ring. Gorilla informs us that, yes, "PANDEMONIUM has broken out!"
Steameboat assists JYD in delivering a skullcracker on Fuji. Things settle down into Muraco vs. Steamboat
with the latter doing nothing but "karate chopping". As good as Steamboat was, this was when
he was basically a gimmick wrestler, not doingmore than chopping and kicking. Hey, "Karate Kid"
and ninjas were still big in pop culture. Muraco hits a low blow to Steamboat's Willie (hey! Steamboat Willie!
Toot-toot!) and takes over. Fuji comes in to chop away and land his kamikaze headbutt to the groin.
Bad guys work over Steamboat in classic heel mode-- choking away, distracting the ref and antagonizing
JYD at the proper time. Steamboat reverses a suplex attempt from Fuji and tries a splash. Fuji blocks with his
knees and they pound away some more. After a good five minutes, Steamboat chops back at Muraco, then
dives between his legs to make the HOT TAG to JYD. JYD headbutts and gets a 2 count. Muraoc and JYD
do a criss-cross on the rops and gues what? BOTH GUYS' HEAD HIT! Argggh! Again! Both guys tag off.
Steamer hops in to chop at Fuji, then immediately hops upstairs to land his flying high-crossbody press
to score the pin. Afterwards, Fuji and Muraco nail Steamer with the EVIL salt. Sure, it was
Muraco and Steamboat, but wayyyyy too many chops and "karate" BS. Turd #7
Why'd You Tape This??
Ha! I couldn't. And that's a good thing. Aside from the Piper match, there is absolutely nothing
worth tracking down on this show. It's a turd pizza with extra diarrhea sauce.
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questions are encouraged.
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