SPORTS-(PIRATES)
Archive
"...And he's one of only 7 players, with 3,000 hits and 400 plate appearances..."- Bug Selig
See, it COULD have been worse.
July 11-Aside from Bug Selig's oral faux pas (now doesn't THAT sound kinky?),
YOUR 2001 All Star Game was only memorable for seeing an old fart fall down. As it usually is,
baseball's All Star Game is simply an exhibition and celebration of the sport, and not too high
on the list of drama. I'm sure Ray Fosse and Pete Rose might disagree, though.
The only things that stuck in my mind from last year's game were the awful
introductions and Bob Costas screaming: "HE'S DOING DEREK JETER!!! HE'S DOING DEREK JETER!!!"
Two wretched ideas that I hope to never see/hear, again: players being introduced with their kids
(including Al Leiter's kid with a load in his pants) and Bob Costas whining about numbers,
"purity of the game", "different eras" and "DEREK JETER!! DEREK JETER!" I was expecting more
of this "we're gonna force our crappy sentimentality and opinions down your throat" crap this year.
Over the past few years, Kevin Costner, a 58 minute picture taking session with Ted Williams,
and even Meat Loaf have invaded the show.
Luckily, FOX took over the game this year, and the result was a huge step away from the recent
load of crappy diapers. They left the pompous celebrities and the opinions at home, and let the
game speak for itself.
FOX's coverage was not too sappy or elitist. They struck a decent balance between covering the on field
action, talking to players and managers, nostalgia and storylines. Special commendations
should go to Joe Buck, who made his broadcasting partner Tim McCarver seem tolerable.
They say a decent catcher can improve a shoddy pitcher's game... much the way Buck
was able to pull a semi-intelligent telecast out of the idiotic McCarver. McCarver still
tried to force in ridiculous phrases, however. At the game's conclusion, he was silent while
working on a big pun: "the game started with a Rocket...and is ending with rockets". Referring
to Roger Clemens and the post-game fireworks. Nigga, puh-leeeez! Earlier, another sparkling
McCarver gem reached the airwaves: "And Jimmy Rollins was in San Diego when Rickey Henderson
broke Babe Ruth's record"... complete with NO explanation of WHICH record of Ruth's had been
broken (I ASSUME he was referring to the walks record...but no clarification was enforced).
I'm hoping Deion Sanders can run out of the locker room and dump some Gatorade on
this idiot's melon, again.
Toss out McCarver and the rest was fantastic. I was scrambling to cut the lawn and order pizza, so
I was spared the pre-game hype. My favorite part of the All-Star Game is always the introductions,
and this year was right up my alley. No kids in diapers... no plodding introductions from
Costner...just good, plain old intros! Then the game started and well....it feel into
the traditional All-Star script of few hits and little "action". Every player comes out just to
be seen... not there to score runs, hit homeruns or strike someone out... and that seems
to work for me. Too often I get caught up into the ramifications of a game's strategy. With
the All-Star game, you don't have to worry about that, just sit back, drink beer and watch
the teams frolic.
When Western Civilzation is destroyed by alien invaders, FOX will be
remembered for two things: The Simpsons and a Tolerable All Star Game. (Maybe even
that glowing puck thingie ... but that's debateable). It's a shame that I've grown
accustmed to shitty baseball broadcasts, and that when I see one without the shit, I think
it's great...I know it wasn't a GREAT broadcast, but it scored very low on the shit scale.
And no shit on TV is a rare thing, these days.
Throw in a fat dude getting hit by a bat and falling down (Tommy LaSorda in the 6th),
and a tidy little presentation for Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken. What's not to like?
Tony Gwynn was forced to play second fiddle to Cal Ripken, somewhat. A bit of a shame, but I'm
sure the humble Gwynn's not losing any sleep over it. Gwynn gave an interview, in which he mentioned
that he was impressed with Lance Berkman of the Astros. Berkman was probably excited to just
BE there, but getting a rub from T Gwynn on national TV had to be sweet.
Had a beer, downed a pizza, cut the grass and watched the All-Star Game last night.
This country's nifty...
Seeing Eye Singles
Okay, who was that goofball in the tie, on a roof, behind the flagpole? You may have seen him
during the National Anthem's close-up of the American flag. Nothing shaking at first, but when
the flyover came through, dude started dancing and pumping his fists. Get down with your
bad self, chester ... || ... Ten bucks to the first TV outlet that runs a story on
Ichiro Suzuki WITHOUT the sterotypical Japanese music, bad puns about "Rising Son", or
anything like that. ... || ... A few times, you could hear "Manny Rrrrramirez". An attempt
by someone WHITE to sound like a Latino. Maybe this is a big topic for a future
column, but I think that's a bit racist. What's next? An announcer going "ah-so.. Itchi-woo
Soo-zoo-kay"? ... || ... I'm dying to know: who won that Celebrity Softball Game on ESPN?...
||... Oh, and where was the Pirate contingent? Well, Brian Giles made a token appearance in the ninth.
From the "Blink and You'll Miss It" file....|| ... Damn, but FOX was going heavy on their
new reality TV commercials. It's getting old, but if a reality TV producer wants to get my attention
they should have a weekly series, featuring Amber from Survivor 2. Call it
"Amber's bathroom". Every week it's highlights taken from her actual bathroom. No audio, just her
walking around in her undies and getting out of the shower....
