SPORTS-(PIRATES)
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June 28- The memorabilia craze has reared it's oogly head into MLB.
This week, after arguing a call with umpire Rick Reed, Pirates manager Lloyd
McClendon made one of his few noticeable moves of the season- he picked up
first base and took it into the dugout with him. The rules and etiquette of MLB are fuzzy,
but I do believe Lloyd still gets a fine for his antics.
Unbeknowst to Lloyd, but here's a back-up plan for him... he can sell that base for 3,000 bucks on fricking e-Bay.
Fine paid, and Lloyd may even have enough cash left to send Kris Benson a "get well soon, or
your career is over before it ever started" mylar ballon and fruit basket. There is some
nimrod out there who would gladly plunk down 3,000 clams for an "authentic game-used
first base! From the classic Pirates-Brewers slugfest at PNC Park in 2001!" No doubt
the lucky winner will wax poetic while staring at that sack and thinking about
the slight dimple that Richie Sexson's cleat made on the upper right corner. And yeah,
that brown-ish spot is where Brian Giles spit some chew.
Lloyd's not the only manager dipping into memorabilia. New Expos dipshit Jeff Torborg
sent a carton of baseballs to the Yankees' locker room, recently. While playing the Yankees,
Torborg hoped the Yankees would take the time to sign a few autographs for him. When you're
hitting up the opposing team to sign autographed baseballs... well, that means you're a
complete, irresponsible loser who's not concentrating on his job...or the manager of the Expos.
No doubt Torborg will seek out Cal Ripken when the Expos play the Orioles.
Note to all opposing managers: when you exchange scorecards with Torborg, be alert...you're
adding to the dweeb's personal collection.
Look for the "Torborg Memorabilia Collection" to appear on eBay, sometime in 2002.
Torborg's recent return to the MLB dugouts is the latest in a weird trend of
announcer hirings. Most remember Torborg as the manager of the White Sox, or the awful
Mets of 1992-1995. For the past few years, Torborg's been doing commentary for
MLB games for FOX Sports. First, the Astros hired longtime broadcaster Larry Dierker for their
managerial job. Recently, Arizona and Toronto have gone into the booth for
Bob Brenly and Buck Martinez, respectively. Former forgettable players can now find the
inside route to managing a team... spend a few years trying to act whitty and
analytical on the tube. Somewhere, Rob Dibble and Brian McRae are sprucing up their
interview suits and proofing their reumes.
It's quirky ... but as long as these announcers are former PLAYERS, a problem
will not arise. As soon as some numbskull decides to offer Bob Costas a managerial job, then
fire and brimstone will shoot down from the sky.
Seeing Eye Singles
Thanks for everything, T Gwynn. Despite his 32 batting titles and
long run with the Padres, there are two things I will remember Tony Gwynn for:
1- His baseball card commercial with Bip Roberts ("Hey Bip, you were lookin at
ROBIN Roberts..sez here your card's worth five cents!") and 2- His impersonation of
Rickey Henderson on the Jim Rome show in 1996 ("oooo.. Rickey ready for a hit, today.
Rickey done broke many of his bats off of Al Leiter. Rickey ready!"). All kidding aside,
I'll miss Tony and his annual flirtations with .400. He was always well-spoken and
seemed donwright cool whenever he gave interviews. Plus, he was a fat guy who
knew a thing or two about playing baseball...||... The standings may not
show it, but on Friday, June 22nd, the Rockies were officially eliminated from NL West contention.
Just for the sake of change, they're now looking to move anybody on the roster, for
any medicore player out there. Oh, unless that player
is Larry Walker. Gee, they've been trying to
make him the centerpiece of their team since 1998. And, gasp, they haven't a good year
since then!! Naw.. don't trade THAT messiah of baseball. Anyways, welcome to
Denver, Mac Suzuki and Jay Powell! I'm sure your stays will be just as memorable as those
of Frank Castillo or Mark Hutton!...
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