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Famous Dumps
SPORTS-(PIRATES)
Archive
It's only May, but due to a lack of any coherent thought on my part, here's
how I voted for "MY 2001 All-Star Team". I tried to pick a variety of
deserving guys... but these may change between now and late June.
| American League |
1st Base
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DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ- Minnesota Twins
Former scrub, former Olympic hero. Surprising production from
a surprising player on the league's most umm...surprising team.
Also leads the league in vowels.
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2nd Base
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BRET BOONE- Seattle Mariners
Finally putting up big numbers to match his nifty fielding. Pacing the Mariners
to their best start ever.
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Shortstop
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CRISTIAN GUZMAN- Minnesota Twins
A decent player, who deserves the rub... hey, the Twins' run may not last forever, so
let these dudes milk the publicity and acclaim! Plus, I read a nifty
"human interest" story about him taking English classes, when I was watching the
Twins in Fort Myers.
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3rd Base
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TROY GLAUS- Anaheim Angels
Mostly a carryover from last year, when he lead the AL in home runs. Off to a decent
start this year...plus, he signed my baseball, down in Phoenix.
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Catcher
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BENJIE MOLINA- Anaheim Angels
No guy named "Benjie" has ever started an All-Star Game. Plus, he signed my baseball.
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Outfield
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JUAN GONZALEZ- Cleveland Indians
Much hyped story from last year was how he "lost his smile and stroke" while up in
Detroit. Seems to have regained both this year. And, I've noticed that when he smiles he
resembles Chief Wahoo. Mascot lookalikes always get my vote.
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Outfield
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ICHIRO SUZUKI- Seattle Mariners
Now, isn't it true that Japanese surnames come first?? Is "Ichiro"
really his last name?? Unlike EVERY other sports publication, I'll
pass on the awful ethnic/rascist puns...this dude gets my vote
cuz he's got a freakin' GUN! Knows a thing or two about hitting, too.
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Outfield
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MAGGLIO ORDONEZ- Chicago White Sox
I couldn't find anybody else I liked on the AL outfield portion of the ballot. I just
like saying "Magglio". Even better if you say it like you would
"Cornholio".
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Designated Hitter
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EDGAR MARTINEZ- Seattle Mariners
Perhaps the one of the best DH's, ever. Dude hasn't been in the
field for about eight years... just hits. When the role of the DH is
simply to HIT.. well, not many do a better job of it than Edgar.
|
| National League |
1st Base
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TODD HELTON- Colorado Rockies
Here's a newsflash: it's NOT the altitude.
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2nd Base
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TODD WALKER- Colorado Rockies
Really stabilized the annual suck-hole that's been the Rockies' second sack.
He's made a town forget about Mike Lansing... deserves my vote for that.
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Shortstop
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RICH AURILLA- SF Giants
Everyone knows about Bonds and even Jeff Kent. Aurilla provides
the consistency to get the first place Giants rolling. Not just this year,
but the past two as well.
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3rd Base
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ARAMIS RAMIREZ- Pittsburgh Pirates
Hey, SOMEONE from Pittsburgh has to go. After hovering just below the
ML level since late 98, seems to have finally established himself as
the Bucs' corner man, and is leadingt he club in RBIs. Young guy, too.. so if he doesn't
make it this year, expect to see him on the All Star squad within the
next five years.
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Catcher
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JASON KENDALL- Pittsburgh Pirates
Because everyone else will vote for Piazza.
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Outfield
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VLADIMIR GUERRERO- Montreal Expos
Again, SOMEONE from Montreal has to go. Cuz you can never have enough Russian-influenced
names on the field, comrade.
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Outfield
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LUIS GONZALEZ- Arizona Diamondback
Leads the NL in homeruns... and on some days, the other Triple Crown categories, as well.
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Outfield
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JEROMY BURNITZ- Milwaukee Brewers
One of the "classic" hit or miss hitters- swing hard, in case ya hit it.
Needs to work on his musical tastes, though....I caught him singing aloud to
Fiona Apple's "Criminal", down in Mesa.
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Seeing Eye Singles
I was thinking of doing a thought-out essay on the "Pirates demise", tracing all the way back to
the mid-80's, but mostly dealing with 1993-2001. But this All-Star idea was the easier
drop-in-the-bucket. Maybe next month...||...No write-in votes this year. My
Bubba Carpenter campaign from last year yielded me ZILCH! I filled this ballot out under
protest....||...Not exactly professional baseball, but I ended up at the Colorado
High School State Finals
for Boys' Baseball this Saturday. The Class 3A game was worth the price of admission. They
went 15 innings, locked at 2-2. Eaton finally beat La Junta, when a guy rounded third and
belly flopped into home plate. He was short by about a foot, and crawled the last few inches to
make it under the tag. Eaton then shut down La Junta in the bottom of the inning to win it.
I've never seen a game, much less a championship, won by a belly flop. Congratulations,
Eaton!...
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