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The Torch is passed
June 23, 2006- You may have missed it.. in fact, I believe all of 32 people actually watched it.. but on Thursday, June 22, the
Pittsburgh Pirates were swept in a three-game series by the Kansas City Royals. Statistically, the Pirates are a few games ahead of the Royals in the win-loss column, but give the Royals a few more weeks. They're young, hungry and don't know when to quit. If they put things together, give 110% and go out there on the field and execute well, they'll go from Shittiest Team in MLB to Not-So-Shittiest Team in MLB.
But the Royals have Buddy Bell in the dugout...so expect a fuck-up.
While we're throwing the National eStragand Media Spotlight on Kansas City, would it be possible to drop a suggestion to their broadcaster?
It's pronounced "ROY- ALS". Not "Rawls". Two syllables, not one.
Unless they've changed the team name to honor the late, great Lou Rawls. If so, then they need to have
a special promotion on weekend home games-- the Saturday Night Fish Fry.
More Low-point Highlights
I noticed a few weeks ago that the Pirates have added a second mascot. Earlier this year, they unveiled a new
cuddly, as-yet-unnamed Pirate who works in tandem with the Pirate Parrot. I'm guessing that he'll probably
be named "Jolly Roger" ...although Swabbie, Poop deck Petey, Driftwood, Capt. Jack Swallow or Humberto Cota would be more appropriate.
Anyways, check him out:
I saw him in a crowd shot last Sunday and thought he looked vaguely familiar. Then, I remembered WHERE I've seen him before:
McDonaldLand. If you're old enough to remember crap like Speed Buggy and Jabberjaw, then might remember the
McDonalds' characters of the 70's. Including Captain Crook, the EVIL Fish Sandwich guy. He'd sneak up and steal your Filet-o-Fish when you weren't looking. Sort of like Hamburglar, but not as successful.
Anyways, check him out: (he's on the right. IN other words, he's NOT Grimace)
Captain Crook disappeared around 1979...so it's nice to know that he's finally gotten over the rejection of being fired from McDonald's
and is now a contributing member of the mascot community.
(speaking of lookalikes... anyone else notice that Jason Bay resembles Skinemax softcore porn regular Brad Bartram? Oh..just me...nevermind then.)
1993 Re-visited
With Bucs re liver Salomon Torres on pace to appear in 178 games this season, this means that all opposing broadcasters will have the chance to use the same tired story. If you've seen any other team play Pittsburgh, you know the story-- Torres was originally brought up by the San Francisco Giants in 1993. On the last day of the season, with the Giants tied atop the old Western Division with the Mutherfuckin' CockBag Atlanta Braves, Torres was given the start. He proceeded to get his brains beat in and the Giants missed the playoffs. Torres then bobbled around the NL and was eventually out of baseball. He even worked as a pitching coach in the Expos system, until he decided to return to playing, around 2001.
There it is. If you haven't heard this story already, you will. EVERY opposing broadcast team will relay this story to you when they face the Pirates. Since Torres is sued in every game, you can expect this story to break the MLB Single Season Broadcast Re-Used Story Record of 162, sometime in September. The current record of 161 involves Steve Bartman (there was ONE game involving the Cubs in the 2004 season when it wasn't used).
The NON-Buccos topic
To me the funniest thing about Jason Grimsley getting busted for HGH involved the Feds shaking him down. Allegedly, they wanted him to wear a wire and try to get Barry Bonds to admit to steroid use on tape. Thus, Barry Bonds is Tony Soprano and Jason Grimsley is Adrianna LaCerva. But whereas Adrianna got whacked, Grimsley got a season-long suspension. Does that make Bud Selig the Silvio Dante of MLB??
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