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Hey Rodge, What's Happenin'?!
May 11, 2007-
It's becoming another Annual Rite of Spring-- right up there with Doc Gooden going to jail and UPS guys wearing shorts. Once again,
Roger Clemens has come out of "retirement" to sign with a team for big bucks.
Like we said last year, Ol' Rodge will doing this every year until his arm falls off or he dies. Whichever comes first.
This year, the decision was once again between the Yankees, Astros or Red Sox. The Rangers like to think they have a chance every year, but they end up doing things like signing Sammy Sosa. The Toronto Blue Jays have to feel shafted in all this. Rodge had some of his best years with the Jays and he could legitimately help that team get into the fast lane and bypass the Yankees and Red Sox. But having Clemens make a special comeback announcement, between innings, at the Rogers Centre doesn't have a lick of drama.
So it may seem like a Re-Run, but for now Rodge is back. Hey, hey, hey!
Now, let's be (super) optimistic and say he wins 17-20 games, keeps his ERA under 3.30 and helps the Yankees contend. You'd have to re-name the Cy Young Award the Roger Clemens Thingie. Seriously.
Brewers win 8-3. In other news, North America exploded.
Over the past two or three seasons, I've learned to dig the Brewers. Whenever I couldn't find a good game on EXtra Innings, I'd usually end up watching a Milwaukee broadcast. However, this year, I'll be damned if the Brewers broadcast crew could bend themselves away from their home-town blowjobs to talk about anything NOT involving the Wonderful Exciting and Young Brewers. Yes, the Brewers are a good team
and a good homegrown one at that. But their broadcasters would be shocked to learn that they play baseball outside of
Milwaukee.
Lou Gehrig could return from the dead and hit for the cycle and the Milwaukee crew will be oblivious. They'd rather talk about Derrick Turnbow's "brilliant turnaround" or how Corey Hart (who wears his sunglasses at night) has been a wonderful presense on this phenomenal club. There are certain things in baseball (and sometimes, the world) that you have to acknowledge. Like, if someone's throwing a no-hitter, just hit for the cycle, or a divisional rival is getting trounced. I know there's a hometown bias, but fuck! They love their team. Mmm.....please Ned Yost, run your cock over our lips...mm, just the tip... oooh yes.. Brew us up something white n' sticky...
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice
Scrooge/OrangeGoblin alerted me to the fact that Tampa Bay had a SUPERHEROES night. A few other parks have had one as well. I think Cleveland did, this past week. Egads. Scrooge saw people dressed up like Spider-Man, Batman and CHEWBACCA. You know Chewbacca-- he's a superhero, just like Toucan Sam, Ronald McDonald, Cornelius, Erin from e-Surance (mrrrrow!)and John McClane.
Also, I'm hoping someone will dress up like Phantom Lady. Preferrably one of the dozens of hotsies totsies chicks that the camera crews
always catch at Red Sox and Cubs games. But I'm guessing someone will dress up like Phantom Lady. Probably a man. With hair.
Snell ya' Later
I like Pittsburgh's Ian Snell. He unexpectedly led the team in wins last year and has been pitching like a machine this year. But I read that changed his last name to Snell, to match his WIFE?! He was originally Ian Oquendo but changed it when he got married. Was there some family issue he was upset with, or is he just majorly pussy-whipped?
Your 1983 Topps Complete Set is STILL worthless.
Yankees lost to the Mariners on May 6, with Joe Torre serving a suspension. Don Mattingly was the manager for the night, so it's no surprise. The Yankees never win shit when Mattingly's actively involved in the game (exhibit A: 1982-1995 seasons)
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