SPORTS-(BRONCOS)
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vs. Oakland Raiders (L 20-34)
The Denver Broncos 2007 Caravan of Caring arrived in Oakland on Sunday. For the second consecutive week,
the equine missionaries from Dove Valley were out supplying hope to the underprivledged, the sick and
the dying. This week, the woeful Raiders were the recipient of a big gift basket of caring and sharing,
just in time for the holidays.
Happy Little Caring Elf #37, Cecil Sapp, continued an early Raider drive by diving into punter Shane Lechler.
In the fourth quarter, Happy Little Caring Elf #22, Domonique Foxworth, provided another gift to the Raiders,
by committing a defensive holding penalty on a third down. Plus Happy Little Caring Elf #6 was on hand to
provide two cushy intereptions. Happy Little Caring Elf #20 pitched in with two gift-wrapped items of
his own. On each oblong shaped package (I tihnk they were footballs), was a little bow and a card saying:
"Dear Raider Defense: Sorry for all the shit we've given you over the past 4 years, please take this
fumble as a show of our love for you and yours, in this holiday season. Your Pals, The Denver Donkeys". All in all,
it was the most gifts the Donkeys had given the Raiders since 1990.
At the end, all the Raiders sat on Rob Ryan's lap, had eggnog and cookies, and talked about
all the wonderful gifts they received from the Happy Little Caring Elves of Denver. Justin Fargas
was appreciative of all the running room given to him. To celebrate, Fargas went out and got two more
ugly tattoos for his arms, so that he now looks like a burn victim from 10 feet away. JaMarcus
Russell was delighted to finally get into a game and, thanks to the Donkeys, look quite
competent in a full-speed tackle football game. Then wide receiver Jerry Porter was given ample
space to sit in the endzone and catch a touchdown pass.
So what did the Happy Little Caring Elves get themselves? Another loss, a brusied running back and
lump of coal. Although there are concerns that the lump of coal is, in fact, a stillborn infant Raider fan
that was birthed in stands during the third quarter of Sunday's game.
The fans of the Happy Little Caring Elves are certainly pining for a new coaching staff. One that uses
the skills of its roster and doesn't leave them unprepared for a divisional game against their biggest rival.
When guys like Brandon Marshall and Selvin Young aren't being utilized to their best capabilities, as
the coaching staff calls three 1-yard dump passes to the fullback, that points to poor gameplanning and
preparation.
But isn't sharing hope and kindness really the spirit of the season?! The vagrant hobos of the Kansas City Chiefs
already have hope and are busy crafting their wishlist for next Sunday.
Chop Blocks
...||... I'm hearing some rumblings this week about the fact that the Steelers skipped over the national anthem
for last week's rain-delayed game against the Dolphins. Okay, it'll be a "slap in the face to patriotism" as
soon as the NFL starts broadcasting the national anthem on EVERY GAME. As it is, the anthem is rarely seen on TV; usually
just for the Super Bowl when some cutie like Carrie Underwood comes out to show off her rack. Second, the
Steelers had nabbed Vince Neil to sing the anthem. Yeah...the guy from Motely Crue.
Nobody needs to hear that. What, was Don Dokken
unavailable? Third, they should have done everybody a favor and just cancelled that entire game. "Today in SPORT,
Birmingham bested Manchester by a tally of 3-0. Good show, old chap!"
...||... Just saying, but the Patriots remind me of another Randy Moss team that tore through the regular
season, but slipped in the playoffs. See: Minnesota in 1998.
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