SPORTS-(BRONCOS)
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vs. Chicago Bears (L 34-37)
This offseason, Mike Shanahan and the Denver Broncos have a second career all lined up. They can go into
business as faith healers. For they give hope to the hopeless, can make the sick walk again, and can
breathe life into a zombified 4-6 Chicago Bears team still suffering from Super Bowl Hangover.
Even after a few miscues and some dynamic kick return TD's from Bears phenom Devin Hester, the Donkeys
still found themselves up 34-20 with less than six minutes to play. Quarterback Rex Grossman had thrown ONE
touchdown pass all year, the Bears had lost starting RB Cedric Benson to injury, and had scored
all of 6 offensive points all game. It would seem
elementary to walk out with a Donkey win at that point. Up until the 55 minute mark, Chicago's best offense would
have been to line up Devin Hester deep in the backfield, long-snap it to him, and have him run through
11 defenders. But, since these are the Miracle-Healing Donkeys,
they kicked a punt into Charles Tillman's gut, then allowed two quick demoralizing
touchdowns to the Bears' offense. The last, game-tying TD, came on a 4th and 3 pass to
Bernard Berian on the sideline. At that point, the Bears weren't just healed: they were
doing somersaults and signing up for the Chicago Marathon.
Overtime was a quick death for Denver, as former Donkey Desmond Clark caught a long pass from
Grossman to set up the game-winning fieldgoal. Denver had their chances all afternoon to put Chicago away, but
let them hang around like a pigskin version of Terry Schiavo. While Devin Hester had alot to do with
Chicago's win, in the end it was the Broncos' inept coaching and "talent" that did them in.
Consider, in the third quarter, Glenn Martinez fielded a kick-off that was clearly headed out of bounds.
Martinez, apparently having a big ego after returning a punt for a TD last week, believes he's
Deion Sanders and wanted to return it, regardless of the situation. Martinez fumbled at the 18.
Mike "Ding Dong" Bell was mysteriously inserted into the backfield for one play. A sure recipe
for disaster, as Bell took the ball, hit a pile and fumbled the ball away. As we pointed out, last week,
Bell's Donkey lifespan is dwindling, but now he's strapped to the chair for a lethal injection. Bell is proof
that even hallowed runningbacks coach Bobby Turner can't polish a tud. Yet with Andre Hall
suffering from a spained ankle, Bell might also receive hope from the Miracle-Healing Donkeys.
If you're looking for bright spots (yes, even I do that sometimes), Jay Cutler and Andre Hall
played well. Second week in a row for Cutler, so I'm sure his rookie cards have jumped in value by
five cents. The duo even hooked up on a option play to give Denver its first touchdown. Hall briefly
ascended the 100 yard mark, but lost yardage as the Bears gained momentum and he ended up with 98 yards. Cutler
threw for over 300 yards, with touchdowns to Brandon Marshall and Tony Scheffler. Scheffler's grab was almost accidental,
as it bounced off his hands, 6 Bear hands (paws?) and into his tummy.
The positive signs were wasted with the final outcome. You'd like to think that Chicago simply gutted it
out and fought back. But it's tough to fight through when the enemy simply picks up their tank traps, barb wire
and lets you roll right through the beachhead. In football, good teams find ways to manufacture "miracles". On Sunday,
the Bears were given one.
Chop Blocks
...||... Even with the overtime loss, I still think the NFL's sudden death rule is the way to go.
Get it over with; they're not out there to pad stats and give everyone a fair shake. Compare it to this weekend's
collegiate LSU-Arkansas game. It was locked at 28 at the end of regulation. Yet they played an additional 40 minutes and
ended up with a bloated 48-50 score. How is that "fair" when it makes a mockery out of the previous 60 minutes?
It's almost like settling a tied 9-inning baseball game by having both teams hit homeruns....from a tee.
...||... Watched a little bit of the Grambling-Southern game as well. Not to sound like a putz,
but damn that was some awful football. I've seen junior varsity high school games with better execution than that mess.
The runningbacks and receivers looked dainty, while the linemen would stand straight up. But hey, the bands were entertaining!
...||... Well, it wasn't just the Donkeys: Simeon Rice was released by the Colts today. Bad ending for Rice, who
was one of the better pass-rushers of the last decade. A comeback's not out of the question, but right now it
looks like it's the end for him.
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