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vs. San Diego Chargers (L 3-41)
In danger of being bumped to the back of the news ledger, the Donkeys needed to do something this weekend.
Beat the Chargers and the city who has abandoned them for the Colorado Rockies would be thrilled to have them
back on the front page of the newspaper.
On Monday, they were bumped from their usual perch on the front page.... in favor of a "Race for Breast Cancer"
walkathon. Only a small pink footnote in the upper right hand corner of the Rocky Mountain News informed
the world that the Donkeys had suffered the worst embarassment of their history. The last time they
had been thumped this bad, Woodstock was still a few months away, Mike Shanahan still had both of his kidneys
and Al Davis's polyester jumpsuits were almost in style.
An early turnover on a kickoff return combined with a shitty defense handed the Chargers a 14-0 lead. Later, another
fumble combined with more shitty defense gave the Chargers a 17-0 lead. Later shitty defense was enough
on its own to give the Chargers a 20-3 lead. It would've been worse, but the Chargers had to take
a break for halftime.
The play that really set the tone for the Chargers was in the first quarter. The Chargers faced a 3rd and 12, but easily found
LaDanian Tomlinson for a 36 yard pass. Luckily for the Donkeys, the sideline made the tackle. Otherwise LT would've
had his first TD on the day. In the third quarter, the Chargers appeared to be slipping with
a holding penalty and then a 3 yard loss by LT. But Phillip Rivers sat back in the pocket, did the crossword page, made a few phonecalls, then found Vincent Jackson for another accessible 45 yard pass. For the quarter, Rivers was 8 of 8 and when
the day was over his tally was 13 or 18 for 270 yards. I was usually doodling in the margins in math class, but
I think that averages to about 20 yards a completion. Sick.
This was another flashback week, as it conjured up memories of a Halloween Night skullfucking from the Colts in 1988.
Or a 48-14 home loss from the Raiders in 1994. Until Sunday, that 1994 was the
last time the Donkeys had been thorughly trounded and embarassed at home to such a degree.
Some reporters, fans and "sources" have stated that the
Raiders loss was what ended up costing Wade Phillips his Donkey head coaching job. Just saying.
One picture (stolen from Yahoo! Sports) sums up the Donkeys' afternoon:
A beaten Donkey, looking worn and battered, walking against a backdrop of EMPTY SEATS. Yes, this was taken during the game.
On top of the loss, Tom Nalen and Nate Jackson were both lost for the season. With a new center, expect
a few extra middle linebackers blitzes over the next few weeks. With Travis Henry possibly facing a
suspension for marijuana, this could turn to be a bubbly shitstorm of a season. The kind not seen since 1990.
But it's okay... since Champ Bailey was quoted last week as saying "this team has too much talent". Good to know.
In fact... I have too much talent for this stuff. When (notice I didn't say "if") the Donkeys reach 8 losses, I'm
packing up for the season. I'm now 33 years old and have much better stuff to worry about than some mediocre
team who smokes alot of pot and believes they're Super Bowl contenders every year. Sure, I'll still watch games..
but since 90% of the dorks who read my football capsules are horny fuckers looking for Renee Herlocker pictures,
my time is better spent elsewhere. I was skimming over some of my recaps from the 2000 and 2001 season and saw that, now,
I simply don't care all that much if they win or lose. It was even an effort to cover the 2005 season.
If you look at that season, my recaps started out as a big joke, but I finished it out for a sense of completion.
So my sentence should be complete in roughly 6 weeks.
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