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eStragand Sports off-season Special: Denver Broncos 2006 Draft
It's a COMMEMORATIVE FIST EDITION!! The first-ever Broncos off-season special. We've even called
in NFL Films Deep Voice Guy for a special introduction. The mic is yours, NFLF DVG...
NFLF DVG: "On a windy weekend in Denver... the winds of change blew mightily from the peaks of the Front Range
into the team's Dove Valley headquarters. For it was on this day that the AFC Western Division
Champions began a quest to retai their crown and aspire to greater heights. It was on this day that
the incumbents were backed up with fresh insurance...and a hope for the future. It was on this day that
the disgruntled and worthless were villified, without being named. It was on this day that head coach Mike Shanahan wore a new polo shirt to his meeting with the local press hordes. Shanahan's new
polo shirt emanated with the fresh smell of BOUNCE with a touch of Febreeze, just as the newness of the
newest Bronco began.. "
For shit's sake! It was just a fricking draft! They picked up 7 young bucks and traded for
Javon Walker. Relax.
In detail, the draft picks were:
Round 1: Pick 11: Jay Cutler, QB , Vanderbilt
Whoa. I had never heard of this guy until the draft hype, and now he's the newest household name
in Donkey-land. Barring an injury to Jake Plummer, Cutler will see limited or mop-up duty this year. 2007 will be his year to start. But for Cutler, until he starts and gets the team to 4-0, he'll hear comparisons to Brian Griese. But unlike Griese's botched situation, I don't see any controversy over Cutler being the eventual starter in 2007 (in 1999, there was a wide-spread belief that Bubby Brister was the starter.. until he was benched and Griese became the starter in late August. Completely killed the locker room and fucked the team over). Oh yeah...and the last time the Broncos picked a QB in the first round his name was Tommy Maddox.
Sucks to be Jake Plummer...sucks even more to be Bradlee Van Pelt. Plummer not only has to hear about the Shadow of the Elway, he now has to hear about the approaching spotlight of Jay Cutler. Sales of #16 jerseys just took a nosedive.
Round 2 : Pick 29 (61 overall): Tony Scheffler, TE, W. Michigan
Guys from "directional college" often have good success in the NFL (see: Rod Smith and Jerry Rice).
Addresses one of the team's needs, as he's fresh meat to replace the departed Jeb Putzier. Unlike Putzier, announcers should have no problem pronouncing his last name.
Round 4: Pick 22 (119 overall): Brandon Marshall, WR, UCF
Darius Watts noticed this pick. Right now, he projects to be a 4th/5th receiver or returner.
Round 4: Pick 29 (126 overall): Elvis Dumervil, DE , Louisville
Oh dear.. guy named Elvis from the Bible Belt. Let me be the first guy in Denver to make the obligatory Elvis joke. But I Won't Be Cruel. He might be nothing but a hounddog, but if it works he'll be sending a buncha' QBs to the end of lonely street.
You just hope defensive coordinator Larry Coyer calls "a jailbreak blitz" and renames it
"jailhouse". And yes, I've just stolen ALL of the shitty puns that the Denver Post was hoping to run tomorrow!
Since line coach Andre Patterson LOVES his boys, this was probably the highest the Broncos would commit to some new blood on the d-line.
Round 4: Pick 33 (130 overall): Domenik Hixon, DB, Akron
This guy's name is cool to type. It's like of those weird Canadian names. Actually played some free safety, so if it works out, he might take over John Lynch in the future. For the immediate future, he'll challenge guys like Roc Alexander, Hamza Abdullah and Jeff Shoate for that coveted Unknown Defensive Back back-up slot.
Round 5: Pick 29 (161 overall): Chris Kuper, OG , North Dakota
The team's relatively thin at the interior offensive line spots. I think Dwayne Carswell is still listed as the top backup at LG, and he's coming off of injury and in his 13th year. Broncos have generally had good luck with mid-round OL selections (Dan Neil, Tom Nalen and Ben Hamilton come to mind).
Round 6: Pick 29 (198 overall): Greg Eslinger, C, Minnesota
See above. Keep in mind that Nalen's near the end of his career, so either of these guys might start in 2007.
Big Trade: Javon Walker, WR, Green Bay
Mike Shanahan assured us: "Ahsley Lelie is still on our football team". Really? I didn't notice that Lelie was on the roster last year. Green Bay WRs kinda' scare me. They've had some guys who have flourished there, simply because someone had to catch Brett Favre's passes. Guys like Bill Schroeder, Antonio Freeman, Robert Brooks and now Walker. He's returning from an injury and would've been Green Bay's #1 WR had he remained there. He's still a young guy, so best case scenario is he takes over for Rod Smith in two years. Worst case, he becomes another veteran receiver bust, like Eddie Kennison.
Of course, the Bronco move that most of you trolls care about happened three weeks ago. Renee Herlocker officially retired from the Denver Broncos Cheerleaders. Cheerleading is like an advanced Logan's Run situation-- you're out when you hit 25. Renee is already selling DVD's with Paula Abdul, so she'll probably ruin your fantasies by getting a real job and staying away from porn. But you still have Candice Jones on the squad.
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