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Vs. Dallas Cowboys (W 28-26)
"The Men in Orange" and the "Men Who Wear the Star".
Quick, what happened the last time the Denver Broncos wore their orange jerseys?
Despite what screaming fans may believe, the famous Bronco orange jerseys
are not exactly a flashback to the franchise's "glory years". Glory years
of three undersized wideouts, four Super Bowl blowouts, a disgusting loss to Jacksonville
and Lyle Alzado. Here's another fact: no team with predominantly orange jerseys has ever
won a Super Bowl. Ugly things happen when you wear orange. The Broncos
joined construction workers and Taco Bell managers as one of the few
professional occupations where, despite common sense, it's acceptable to wear
orange on the job.
But, it was Thanksgiving, and to make it somewhat special, the Broncos
joined the Cowboys, Packers and Lions by suting up in old throwback uniforms for
the annual NFL snoozers.
Ugly things happen in orange. Byt the end of the first quarter,
Olandis Gary, making his first start of the season, broke his leg
and was gone for the year. By the end of the game, leading WR Rod Smith
tweaked his only good ankle and was hobbled.
Defensive coordinator Ray Rhodes couldn't stand the
technicolor orange nightmare on the field, and left by the fourth quarter to
moisten his eyes. Rhodes had to have left...how else could you explain the sudden
defensive collapse that led to Dallas rallying from a 26-3 hole to within two
points?
Mike Anderson trudged along for 118 yards, notching his second game of the season with
the century mark. In the bright orange "#38" Anderson looked more like Reggie Rivers,
and for a moment it seemed as if the real Reggie had been picked off the radio/newspaper
circuit and placed into the backfield. It wasn't impressive, but Anderson scored a
touchdown and kept the clock rolling. Anderson even walked away with the equally
impressive "Phil Simms Spray Painted Plastic Iron Thingie" award. I'm sure this will
go up on Mike's altar next to his "Frontier Airlines Ace Pilot" badge and
"Quzino's Sub Club" punch card.
Brian Griese, decked out in his
Bill Musgrave Commemorative jersey connected with Orson Mobley, err, Dwayne Carswell
for a TD. John Mobley, in his Mike Croel Commemorative jersey scooped
up a Ryan Leaf fumble to set up the Carswell TD lob. By the thid quarter, it looked
like a Denver snoozer. Not even the "excitement" of the halftime lip-synch fest
with Creed could wake up my old man. I mean, they had flying bald dudes in
genie pants, red nuns and balloon donkeys...and nothing, I mean nothing,
sez 'footbal' like flying topless dudes in genie pants.
Earlier in the week, Brian Griese had whined (again) about how he had "no talent
to throw to". Nevermind that John Elway once went two seaons, with his
best receiver being Michael Young (1990-1991), but that's a MINOR point....or that Elway once
threw for 300+ yards with the awesome set of Arthur Marshall, Kitrick Taylor, Derek Russell and
Robert Delpino, in the "talent" positions. Unless it's Jerry Rice and Crazy Legs Hirsch
lining up at wideout and split end, Griese is not pleased. As if he's expected to make a
play or something... fucking coaching staff! G'damn...next he'll be expected to take a snap in
the shotgun formation. Dogs and cats, living together!!!
Griese found enough 'talent'. Rod Smith again caught 372 passes, including a brilliant adjustment
on an underthrown ball in the second quarter. The lack of secondary talent in
Dallas' defense allowed Griese to wobble the ball around enough to not lose the game.
Kevin Kasper, darling of the internet Bronco dweebs, was active for the first time
in weeks....but made no impact. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before
another brainiac internet fan remarks: "Mike Shanahan's kid, Kyle, plays wideout
at Texas. Woudn't he look good in a Bronco uni?"
Losing the game was the job of the defense. Up 26-3, Dallas punt returner Reggie Swinton
rambled in from 65 yards to sneak the Cowboys back into the game. Soon it was 26-16...but
Cowboys coach Dave Campo decided to NOT go for a two-point conversion. Campo was creditted
with blowing the call, but you really can't blame him. After all, it's Jerry Jones calling the
plays in Dallas. Detron Smith then made an onside kick recovery, thus wizzing on the
Cowboys comeback.
In case you were wondering, the last time the Broncos wore the orange, they suffered
what was, arguably, the worst loss in franchise history. Jacksonville, in the
early days of 1997. Forget the famous brown sock effigy of the 60's, the orange
jerseys should be burned. Was it only five years ago that orange jerseys were still allowed
in public? Even redneck hunters refrain from using this much orange. There is such a thing
as an ugly win... the Broncos got one, and there was no doubt about it... they looked
UGLY.
It'll be tough to be a Bronco, this weekend. The team is set to travel to Miami, while the high in
Denver on Monday, was 21 degrees. Highs may be in the 40's by the weekend. Brian Griese
is already talking about 'revenge', for the season-opening game in 1999...
it is cold season, so maybe Griese can contract a case of the "Shut the Fuck Uppies".
FINAL CUTS
Another reason hockey bites the monkey's nutsack: The Colorado Avalanche are
retiring Ray Bourque's number. If this same practice was transferred over to football,
then the Broncos would be retiring Neil Smith's number.
...||...
The media is ridiculing Cleveland Browns' DB Anthony Henry, because he celebrated his
first 3 INT game by going to Chuck E. Cheese's. Nevermind that 70% of NFL players
celebrate their benchmark performances by going to strip clubs or getting stoned.
Go play yerself some skee-ball, Anthony!
...||...
A fun way to make throwback games even more interesting: make the players wear
throwback equipment from the selected time period. I'm talking leather helmets and shit.
...||...
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