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Famous Dumps
SPORTS-(BRONCOS)
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December 17th- I'll be damned. Seattle won. Counting on Seattle is like
counting on a Toyota Corolla as your primary method of transportation.
It might work 20% of the time, but most of the time it's a disappointment to
get your hopes up. Give it Seattle, though, they won. My Soundgarden mojo must have worked. With Seattle
knocking off the Raiders, the Broncos had the chance to move into first place in the AFC
West by beating the Chefs. Notice the use of the word "HAD". Quoth the Soundgarden, nevermore..
because this week, the Broncos were simply Outshined as KC Blew Up Their Outside World.
Gusamania struck a few times. The big game killers happened in the fourth quarter.
Rod Smith and Ed McCaffrey both dropped crucial passes. On the other side of the ball,
Terrell Buckley decided somebody else would tackle Tony Richardson. Richardson scooted to
about 140 yards and a TD late in the game. At least the Chefs weren't wearing their
red hooker pants this week.
Like a frozen car battery, the Broncos continually
tried to start their engines, but inevitably failed. Ed McCaffrey had the genius idea to show up
in his all weather gear. Problem: it was 3 degrees in KC and McCaffrey's out there in a short sleeve shirt
like it's fricking mid-August. Say what you want about football players trying to act ballsy, but
this same guy dropped a fourth down pass, unable to snag the ball with his frozen arms. Of course,
when your whole offense spends a whole game scoring exactly ZERO points, the smallest mistake is
maginified and scrutinized, like a huge zit on the homecoming queen's schnoz.
Kevin Lockett was the Broncos' MVP for the game. Problem: he plays for KC. Lockett
wandered into a punt in the second quarter, kncoking it into the endzone with his helmet.
Practice Squad Legend Jason Suttle put himslef on the stat sheet by recovering it for a
Denver TD. And THAT'S your offense, Bronco fans!
When Gusamania struck hard, Jarious Jackson was thrown into the game for one play.
Jackson threw a wild pass intended for... Rod Smith?? But that's being generous. Jackson
screwed up his chances of redshirting this year, and now joins fellow Practice Sqaud Legends
KaRon Coleman and the aforementioned Suttle. Somewhere, Tito, Jermaine and the rest of the
Jackson 5ive are cheering.
Hand it to Kansas City. Three years ago, GM Carl Peterson knew he had to beat the Broncos to have
any chance of contention in the AFC West. Well, his plan seems to have worked the past two years,
as KC has gone a respectable 4-0 against the Broncos. Problem: they've gone 12-16 against the
REST of the league. Yes, they have a 16 game schedule and 31 teams, Carl.
After an anemic 7-20 loss at KC the Broncos head home for the Last Game At Mile High Stadium
Unless Carolina Beats Oakland. Commemorative editions galore will be available everywhere, I'm sure.
I really need to go to this game, but at 100 bucks a ticket... well, I do need to eat.
FINAL CUTS
Y'know, the Three Rivers Special on ESPN Classic wasn't too amazing... || ...
ESPN Classic strikes again this week, as they apply the same treatment to Mile High
Stadium. Expect plenty of emphasis on Red Miller, Vance Johnson, Karl Mecklenburg and
John Elway. Expect NO mention of Simon Fletcher, Rulon Jones or Randy Robbins. Thank you for
paying attention, ESPN... ||... Gusamania finished 4-2 this year. Not bad, in retrospect. Enjoy
San Diego next year, Gus...
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