October 22-
"Worst episode EVER"
-Comic Book Shop Guy, "The Simpsons", 1990-current
What the hell happened? I leave town for ONE lousy week..I miss the biggest
pushover game of the year...and they FREAKING LOSE???!!! I can hear
Paul Stanley squealing again, as this is still
Rock Bottom. We're here to stay. The torch was passed on October 22. The torch of
"Worst Team in the NFL" was passed, from the Bengals to the Broncos. Yes, it saddens
me, greatly, but by applying the transitive property (look it up in your high school
geometry book if you must know), my very own Broncos are now THE worst team in the
league.
There used to a basketball team that played in this part of the country. They weren't very good.
Every NBA wouild roll into town and have a career night against them. A/Hakeem Olajuwon
would come in and score 50. Heck, Dominique Wilkins hit 45 on them one night. If I knew
basketball more, I'm sure I could come up with a real shitty comparison, but I think you get
my point. The 2000 Broncos are like that old basketball team...they
make ANYBODY look good. It started in August (see the 8-14 recap), when they made
Matt Hasselbeck look like Sammy Baugh. The Patriots were 0-4, come to Denver and
look like the 1978 Steelers. They made Elvis Grbac look like....umm.. John Elway. And they
made Corey Dillon look like Walter Payton.
At first glance, you'd think this record might stand for awhile. I mean, 278 yards
on the ground is a massive shitload of yards. However, the Broncos play at New York in two
weeks, so I'm sure Curtis Martin is salivating at the prospect of breaking Dillon's new
record. Wayne Chrebet could challenege Flipper Anderson's single game receiving mark
(I think Anderson still holds that... e-mail me if I'm wrong, please). We're going to
see more history! Just like the Donkies rolled and set all sorts of single achievement
records in 1998, they're on the flip side, now. What comes around goes around, I guess.
Griese made another Stupid QB Trick, too. He sat there, with no mobility, no poise, and
no NECK movement, allowing Steve Foley to practically WALK in, sack him and strip the
football. Griese, that thing below your mouth..it's your FUCKING NECK!! It actually
moves from side to side and, here's a shocker, allows you to see things that may be
on your left or right side! Try it sometime...you'll tahnk me. The fuck do you care, Griese?
You "know how to play this game" and you've got some cushy Nintendo stats. So I guess
you're set, huh?
Since I was in San Francisco from October 20th through 26th, I'll admit I didn't see this
game. I'm even phoning in this recap. I take solace in knowing that I did not
waste three hours of my life seeing this debacle. No, instead I wasted FOUR hours of my life
taking the BART to see the freaking Raiders. I was hoping the World Series would be in SF, but
that didn't work...so I appeased myself by going to the Rayduhs game. I may do a special
edition of my Bronco recaps for the 10/22 Raiders/Seahawks game, but don't hold your breath.
It was kinda funny how the entire Oakland crowd cheered as if the Raiders had scored a TD, when
the Broncos score came on the scoreboard. I felt like I had betrayed my team. I bailed out
to a foreign state and watched their arch nemesis, instead of staying home and supporting them.
Screw that... I had a kick ass vacation and would have been depressed, and staring at high
window ledges if I had stayed home!!
Worst loss since Jacksonville? Naw..worst loss since the KC game.. and the Patriots game.
These horrible losses are getting closer and closer together. Encouraging, eh? At least they
can't fuck up the BYE week. Although it wouldn't surprise me.
FINAL CUTS
Raise your hand if you followed the XFL draft!! Sure, it's got Satan himself running the league,
but I was willing to give it a chance. I mean, crap, I watched/slept through, a few
WLAF games in 1991. (yes, I was a lonely boy in high school).
Then, they draft Mike Croel, Marcus Nash
and Tommy Maddox into their
league. I thought the "F" was supposed to be for "Football", Vince! Note to Vince: You can not
start a league and stand there in good faith and call it "football" when you've got
Tommy Maddox and Mike Croel in it!! What? Clarence Kay and Ted Gregory weren't available?
You just KNOW the return of Brian Bosworth is on the XFL's horizon... ||...
After watching Buffalo beat the NY Jets today, I'm reminded why Doug Flutie is
absolutely my favorite QB to watch. I'm not kidding or being sarcastic, I generally dig the
guy... || ... Also, in that same game, I was kinda digging the new nickname for
Wayne Chrebet, "The Green Lantern". I always mark out when a comic book nickname
catches on. Umm, lone exception being Andre Rison's "Spider-Man" crap from a few years
back... || ... Has anyone else realized that Romanowski has done approximately DICK
this year? This freak's legal troubles and reputation are finally catching up to him...
|| ... San Diego broke out those spiffy old school uniforms, again. They still lost
to the Raiders. Proving one of my favorite adages, once more: "You can't polish a turd,
Beavis"...
