SPORTS-(BRONCOS)
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October 15- Playing the Browns is like going out with the sluttiest gal in your
high school class... you KNOW you're going to score at least once, and if you're not careful,
you'll score ALOT. The first quarter had a little uncertainity to it. But then, the Broncos
opened up their prophylactics and started doing the nasty, to the tune of 44-10.
How easy is it move the ball against the Browns? So easy that the Quarterback
Princess had racked up Kurt Warner/Nintendo-esque numbers by halftime.
A truly sick 300 yards in one half. THAT'S how bad the Browns are. The Bronco
regulars even sounded a little shocked at being benched towards the end of the third.
A site they haven't seen since some car dealership mogul was calling the
audibles. There was even a Mike Anderson appearance, as he quiely racked up
103 yards before hitting the showers. Billy Jenkins was the first to hit the showers, however.
He intercepted an errant Tim Couch pass (cheap joke, but would those be
Couch Potatoes when he misfires?), ran to the South endzone and right through to the
team's locker. A happy day in Bronco-land.. and for once, things went as planned.
Welcome back Cleveland, we've missed you.
Rod Smith made his 300th NFL reception in the Second Quarter. It came on a
TD grab, much like his first ever NFL reception. it's funny to think
it's been just over five years since Smith leaped over Darrell Green in the South
end zone, to win that game against the Redskins. A non-descript rookie in
1994, Smith was even converted to safety for a pre-season game against the Cowboys.
After a year on the practice squad, he made the team as a special teams/ sixth wideout
in 1995. Since then, he's quietly made his mark as one of the best receivers in
team history. A nice guy, with an amazing competitive drive, it's nice to
see the commentators kissing up to him. I met Rod, very briefly at one of
those public appearances in 1997. A lady asked him to smile while she got her picture taken.
Rod deadpanned: "Football players don't smile". Hell, I wouldn't smile if some
meaty skank in a sweatshirt wanted to get her picture taken with me, either.
I then asked Rod why he hadn't been calling the Jim Rome show... which then made
him laugh and say "man, he's crazy!". So that's my lame Rod Smith story.
Deltha O'Neal made the obligatory "rookie miscue". He fumbled a punt, about ten yards
from the exact spot Earnest Byner coughed up the ball in the 1987 AFC title game.
Nobody noted the similarity, but the inevitable Browns-Broncos history soon
crept out. The old cliches about the Drive, Fumble (but nobody mentioned the 1989
Blowout) and the Dawg Pound. Commentator Brent Jones then joined the ranks of
"lame commentators who try to be hip" by quoting "who let the dogs out?". See,
that's a clever pop culture reference to the currently popular song of the same
name. Aren't you glad I'm here to explain complicated and whitty shit like this??
So, they beat the Browns. But DO NOT get excited. Yes, I was legitimately
EXCITED after the Oakland game. I had visions of this team playing
against the Titans and Colts in the playoffs. The subsequent embarassments by
the Patriots and Chiefs ruined all my optimism and excitement. This team still needs to prove it
can beat the "money" opponents. Go into Cincinnati next week and beat the Bengals.. that proves
nothing. Go into New York and punk the Jets, and you might have something to
launch bottle rockets over. Thanks to the state of Ohio's crappy
football teams, the Donkies should be feeling pretty good going into their bye week.
But then, it's the Jets and Oakland. The festival stops there.
FINAL CUTS
NFL.com is featuring "in-depth analysis" from Pete Carrol. WHAT? Rick Venturi or
David Shula weren't available??! ...||... Cool points for you
this week if you can remember the last time the Browns visited Denver. Mark Rypien
and Vinny Testaverde split the Browns QB duties. The Broncos started
Leonard Russell at halfback and our ol buddy Wade was the coach. Browns made
the playoffs that year, but still remained Pittsburgh's bitch... ||...
Of course, the transplanted Browns came to Denver in 1996 as the Ravens, in a truly
phenomenal game. Both Elway and Testaverde threw for 300+, with the final score being
being something like 45-38. It was during that game that the famous "in....com...plete"
started to take flight... ||...
Don't you think it's weird that Tim Couch was hooked up with Heather Kozar?
I guess the name "Kosar" or "Kozar" still entitles you to get into the
Browns locker room...||... So check this out: I called up the Raiders the other day, to
get tickets and give them some shit. While I'm on hold, they played the Jackson Five and
that "ooo-ooo, child..things are gonna get easier..." song. Commitment to Excellence, Baby.
