October 8- Punting.
The other week, somone asked me what I thought the most exciting play in
football was. I answered: an interception or fumble returned for a touchdown.
What a dumbass! I forgot how damn exciting PUNTING is. Sunday was proof of that.
Three plays...punt... Three plays...punt.... Tom Rouen and Darren Bennett got
so much screen time, you'd think they were Gore and Bush. Why'd they
even bother trying to run plays? Just line these two jugbutts up at
the 30 and lets watch them punt for three and half hours! We'll even
get a blimp to cover the damn thing. It'll be huge, trust me.
The rest of the game was a mere formality. The Broncos got a win, but it really
means nothing. They only scored 21 points on the Chargers. I say "only", because
you get 35 points off the Chargers, just by showing up. One play from
1997 typifies the Charger defense. Rodney Harrison leveled Terrell Davis out of bounds, and
then stood over him, saluting him in mocking fashion. Neat, but the game was
34-3 Broncos, at that point, Rodney. Every sixth play, Junior Seau will make a hit, and
then (you knew it was coming), he performs his famous "swing my fist and shake the turd down
my leg" dance.
Griese again took the snaps for a lethargic offense. His longest pass traveled a distance of
25 yards, to Rod Smith. They oughta get Griese one of those "Vortex Nerf" footballs.. that'd
certainly pad his stats. Raymont Harris contributed by catching a back side swing pass of sorts,
then rambling for about 20 yards. Harris, the self-proclaimed "Ultra-back", is the
epitomy of the phrase "journeyman". The last time had an impact on a team's offense was
around 1997..and that was the Chicago Bears. He joins former players Kitrick Taylor and Victor Jones on
the list of "non-descript Broncos who have made one catch". Ed McCaffrey made two
TD grabs, and Dwayne Carswell added a third in garbage time. Mike Anderson was replaced halfway
through the game for a little bit of Harris and pratice squad legend, KaRon Coleman. No official
word on what was wrong with Anderson.
Funny moment in the third. Coleman busted out 60 yards and ran to the endzone. He then
kneeled down and paid homage to whatever dieties he's down with. The run was then
called back due to holding. "Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to run
60 yards and score on a busted play that doesn't count". Hey, when yer 5-9 and a scrub, you take
your fun where you can get it, I suppose.
No 100 yard rusher or receivers this week. The penalty unit racked up 108, however. Does this
count in your fantasy leagues?
The Donkies can rejoice now. They have the Browns and Bengals coming up. The NFL's equivalent
of booking you against the Shriners in an arm wrestling contest. They'll still need to
go 7-3 the rest of the way to even THINK of getting into the playoffs. Tall order.
FINAL CUTS
So many damn commercials and punts. I heard the words "Avaya" and "GMC Trucks" more times
than I heard the words "Harbaugh" or "Griese".... ||... Hey, if you havent
discovered it already, you gotta get one of those Sharp Cheddar Cheese balls for your next
game... ||... Cool points for you if you remember that last year in San Diego, the Donkies
started Olandis Gary and Chris Miller in the backfield. You don't remember? I 'm sure
Miller doesn't, either... ||.. Is Harbaugh still "Captain Comeback"? Or does he
have a snazzier nikcname now, like "Private Go-away"? Really liked
how studio host Mike Ditka just blasted Harbaugh for throwing an interception. "You
can't dot hat and expect to win" Over
eight years after he tore into Harbaugh, he's STILL pised at him for blowing that
Minnesota game!... || ... Somebody, PLEASE
e-mail me and let me know the name of that
ass rackin "NFL shop.com" song!! Y'know the one, it has a real slow, dirty
beat and has some dude in the back going "back by popular demand... check it out, ya'all".
That's my new theme song for this month.
