NEWS
EStragand Corporation Announces Merry 2 Days After Xmas- Retail Stores Report Upward Spike in Sales!
Denver- December 27, 2000- The EStragand Corporation held a press conference
today to announce "Merry 2 Days After Xmas", a new holiday generated by the EStragand
Corporation's general laziness and lack of sending out Xmas cards. "We know
several people are depressed following Decemeber 25. This new holiday allows
the EStragand Corporation the chance to make those crappy days after Christmas seem
important", said the EStragand Corporation's PR Lackey.
When asked if this was a clever way to avoid the small responsibility of sending out
Xmas cards to friends, clients and relatives, the PR Lackey gave it serious thought.
He then responded with the following: "Hey, all we're doing is adding a little
ES Flava to the holidays.. is that so bad??!" "Besides, have you seen the
cost of STAMPS nowadays?? Have ya?! Additionally, I'll bet the traditional
Xmas card wold get lost in the shuffle, with all those Walgreens, Circuit City and
March of Dimes fliers. Having our own holiday allows the freedom to let our
friends, family and clients actually have a life over the holidays! I mean, we can't expect
everyone to be waiting patiently at their home, e-mail account or mailbox on the 25th for one measly
Xmas card! This way, if you're away from your regular place of business or operation on the 25th, you
won't miss the joy of 2 Days After Xmas on the 27th!"
The Lackey then left the conference to return his copy of "Jenna Jameson's Christmas Adventure" to
Blockbuster Video.
Erick Stragand, the CMFO of the EStragand Corporation added the following.
"It's been an intentionally boring year for me, with no major
life decisions or huge changes. In March, my dad and I hopped in his RV and
went to Arizona for Spring Training. I came back a few days later for
Erick and Frankie's 2000 Birthday Bash, with KISS at the Pepsi Center.
In August, we did the same RV thing, only
we went to scenic Greeley for Bronco camp. Greeley wasn't too exciting, but the highlight
of that trip was hanging out in a completely empty theater to see The Patriot. We also
chowed down at one of those greezy steak places and ripped off a phone book from the
Greeley Mall.
Then, in October, I took Amtrak out to San Francisco for a week. Maybe I'll
do a 'BEST OF THE YEAR' article on the website, soon".
"I've met alot of people
this year, and actually gone to lunch with quite a few of them. It cracks my shit up thinking of all the
bad jokes and funny crap I've shared with everyone. Too often, Xmas seems to be about
material crap... like socks, peanut brittle and light up penguins. I don't know, I just
hope I've made everyone reading this page laugh at least once this year. I'd also like
to thank everyone for making my days fun, and for putting up with my
sarcastic BS! So, Happy
Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hannukah, Channukah, Boxing Day or whatever. Thanks and take care!"
"Oh, and by the way... WHY are PENGUINS now part of Christmas stuff??! Penguins live at the
SOUTH Pole. The South Pole is the farthest you can possibly be away from the NORTH Pole, and still
be on the planet!! Why not throw a frickin Zebra in there, too?!!"
"If you see me in the next few weeks, be sure to bug me for some of my
homemade peanut brittle. This stuff ROCKS and I'm sure you'll dig it. I meant
to make a batch over Christmas.. but I was too busy checking out my new socks and
light up penguin."
At the conclusion of the press conference, attendee and Colorado Governor Bill Owens shared
the following nuggest of wisdom: "This proves that Colorado is a
dynamic, interactive and exciting state, with generally nice weather". Reporters
stopped listening to Owens when they were distracted by something far more interesting...
a janitor was seen setting up a "WET FLOOR" sign behind the food bar.
