NEWS
The Mushmouth Dickerson Protest
EStragand.com's Denver Broncos/NFL Staff Stages Protest; Walk-out.
Denver- September 16, 2002- The EStragand Corporation
held a press conference today, to inform the press in a conference setting about
a recent, discouraging chain of events. "Sadly, we have been forced
to announce that this year's eStragand.com NFL/Denver Bronco coverage has been reduced.
Our writers, editors and columnists have staged a walk-out in protest of
Eric "Mushmouth" Dickerson being removed from the NFL's premier weekly broadcast,
Monday Night Football" announced the EStragand Corporation's
PR lackey.
"Mushmouth was a sentimental favorite of our NFL staff, and they felt strongly enough about
this decision to act upon it. Not only was he a great spokesman for all the underprivledged
Cosby Kids of our time, but he was also a role model for those with speech impad...uh,
imphetamin, inpeddy... err, impediments." "Mushmouth's continued presence on
MNF also consistently reminded the public of his playing days,
and that it was okay to play tackle football with goofy
googles. Near-sighted people have to wear helmets, too." "Regretfully, our
sports staff felt that Mushmouth's importance to the nation was of great importance,
and had to protest what they perceived as ABC's gross error" continued the PR lackey.
An NFL Hall of Famer, Eric "Mushmouth" Dickerson debutted as a sideline reporter
for ABC's Monday Night Football in the 2000 season.
With his incoherent babblings and detailed "anabathith of the passes game", Dickerson
soon blazed new trails in broadcast journalism. His lovable demeanor was compared
to the character Mushmouth from the 70's cartoon "Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids".
Like his cartoon counterpart, Dickerson was an often-overlooked element of
a successful TV show. People remember the contributions of
Weird Harold, Russell, Fat Albert, Rudy and even Dumb Donald... but
the Cosby Kids team simply would not have worked without the subtle input of
Mushmouth. Mushmouth was often shffled to the back. People may remember his name,
but nobody could tell you about the true character of Mushmouth. Just like the way
Eric Dickerson was often overlooked, due to the MNF team of Al Michaels, Dan Fouts and
(choke) Dennis Miller.
Eric Dickerson could not be reached for comment.
The eStragand.com NFL/Broncos Editor was not available for comment, having already
initiated the walk-out. He did, however leave a Big Chief notepad on his desk.
The following was enscribed inside:
"We must protest ABC's decision to
begin a new season of MNF without Mushmouth. Therefore, we must leave and
will not return until he is re-instated. Na-na-na, we ain't
havin a good time. Thus, we shall discontinue
our Denver Broncos and NFL coverage until this unjustice in non-unjusticed.
Hopefully, if the NFL's not careful, they just may learn something
from our actions.
We will not be in the office, but fear not. Mark my words please, believe my soul lives on.
Please don't worry now that I have gone.... I've gone beyond to see the truth.
Love- the eStragand.com NFL/Broncos Editor.
P.S.
Melissa Stark is a hottie."
Confusion and shocked depression ran over the mostly shocked and depressed attendees of the
convention. A random attendee offered the following: "Ummmm, does this mean Jesse Jackson's
coming to town?"
Upon conclusion of the press conference, the crowd was overwhelmingly apathetic at
this latest annoucement from eStragand.com. Colorado Governor Bill Owens was on hand to commment on the relaunch: "This proves that Colorado is a
dynamic, interactive and exciting state, with generally nice weather". An attendee from the
East Coast then asked Bill Owens if Colorado was still on fire...
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