NEWS
EStragand.com Announces 0.96 Ounce Diet Plan
Denver- August 6th, 2001- The Estragand Corporation
held a press conference today to announce succesful completion of the
recent 0.96 ounce Diet Plan. Held in conjunciton with the
Aurora/Centennial Oral & Maxillofacial Surgeons, the revolutionary
new diet plan involved extraction of four wisdom molars, resulting
in an immediate weight losss of 0.96 ounces.
The initial extraction took place on July 27, 2001. Upon further review,
the weight loss plan was reviewed and deemed a success on Monday, August 6.
A tongue depressor was used to assure these facts.
"Our new diet plan has received overwhelmingly positive feedback"
announced the Estragand Corporation PR lackey. "We feel this
weight loss program can be beneficial to everyone, in all
walks of life. All you need is IV sedation,
a day off from work, discovery of four wisdom molars,
and eight packs of gauze. We also recommend a trained oral surgeon, but
I suppose you would get ballpark results without one." The PR lackey
then boarded his scooter and returned to the Denver Cares Detoxification
Clinic.
Interestingly enough, the "mutant fifth wisdom tooth" was found to
have...disappeared. Further exploration of this fact has proved
confusing to several panelists. Future discovery of the mutant tooth
may be amended to the diet plan in the future. Total weight loss
is then projected to be 0.965 ounces. Stay informed at
estragand.com for all the latest developments.
Further enhancements can be added to increase the diet's effectiveness.
In this case, the Estragand Corporation followed up the initial 0.96 ounce diet
plan with a week of "lame ass, flit-boy food". This involved yogurt,
jello, pudding, and the occasional bowl of soup at room temperature. A bean burrito
was even inserted.
Overall results quickly flew up into the 8-10 pound range.
As the press conference ended, Colorado Governor Bill Owens summed up everyone's
thoughts with
the following mind-blowing comment: "This proves that Colorado is a
dynamic, interactive and exciting state, with generally nice weather".
