Iron Maiden and Motorhead... oh, and Dio, too

Aug 20- Englewood, Colo- It's been almost three years since the last Iron Maiden show in these parts. In that time, Iron Maiden has popped up on the pop-culutural radar with more frequency. Maybe it's a change in marketing focus, but Iron Maiden seems to be getting more acclaim each time a crappy nu-metal band wears their t-shirts in a video. Whatever the reason, Maiden's once again cashing in on a retro "greatest hits" movement.

This time, the band was booked at Fiddler's Green, a crappy venue surrounded by office buildings in Englewood, Colorado (that's just south of Denver proper, for you out-of-towners). The gimmick is that all the general admission seats in the back are on grass. The rest of the seats are reserved seats, sitting on an extrememly uncomfortable concert slope. Fiddler's is known for having terrible sound, a bad setting, and most annoyingly, a strict curfew. Places like Red Rocks, the Fillmore, the Gothic or the Ogden all seem to have their own ambience that add to the music. Fiddler's is about as ambient as an Office Depot parking lot. In fact, there IS an Office Depot parking lot about three blocks away from it!

I suspect it was due to the curfew, but the show began at 6:30! We got there early enough to scope out the crowd and search for the most obscure t-shirt. Most obscure was a 3-way toss-up between "Manowar", "Hawkwind" and "Accept". I'm leaning towards the Accept shirt, myself. not to say that Accept's an obscure band... just when was the last time you saw someone wearing an Accept t-shirt? In public? Anyways, this was also the night the over-30 potbellied sluts with droopy tits and tatoos had been waiting for since the last time Ratt rolled through town. Several of those were also in attendance. I'm surprised that they still make black leather pants to fit that crowd. I also cringe when I think of their garment selection process before the show: "Hey sugar.. should I wear the leopard prints or the leather pants?" "Hell, honey, wear them leather pants andyou'll be getting special attention from Mr. Wiggly when we get home! Yeah baby, woooo!"

Motorhead hit the stage first. Lemmy walked out with his bass and simply said: "Good afternoon...we are Motorhead... we play rock n' roll". They went into the song of the same name, but it seemed funny to hear Lemmy wishing us good afternoon. This was the first time I had seen Motorhead and I can't complain. They're just out there to do their songs about blow-jobs, sex and war. Lemmy dedicated the song "Sacrifice" to "all the girls at the Diamond Cabaret and Shotgun Willie's... long may they bear their tits". Well, I guess we know where Lemmy and the boys were last night. I own exactly one Motorhead album, but I did recognize "Ramones", "Ace of Spades", "Metropolis", "No Class" and their final number, "Overkill". Roughly 35 minutes with maybe two minutes of silence.

Dio came out next. I missed the first tune while I was in the pisser. Some dude wanted to high-five me in there... but I declined. Others obliged him. Ronnie James Dio does have good range in his voice, but I've never been a fan. In fact, when I first started really getting into heavy metal, Dio was the first band that began to embarass me. Songs about rainbows, dragons and dreams just aren't up my alley. I suppose if I had 3,400 XPs and was a Level 6 Multi-Class Ranger/Cleric I might dig it. I was able to pick out "Rainbow in the Dark", "Stand up and Shout" (NOT the Steel Dragon version), "Last In Line" along with Black Sabbath tunes "Mob Rules" and "Heaven & Hell". "Mob Rules" still conjures up images of flying lizards from the movie "Heavy Metal". Anyways, the whole band was decked out for some serious Disco clubbing, and I think the bass player was even wearing a wig!

Finally we got around to Iron Maiden. Lights went down and the familiar "Woe to you..." came over the PA system. Damn, that's worth the price of admission RIGHT THERE. About 45 seconds later, Bruce Dickinson lets out his trademark screeeeeaaaaaaammmmmm and the show is on. They followed it up with "The Trooper" as Bruce paraded round the catwalk behind the drum kit, waving the Union Jack. "Die With Your Boots On", admittedly a curious choice, was next.

"Revelations" and "Hallowed Be Thy Name" followed. Things slowed down a bit with the new single "Wildest Dreams". I still maintain my rule about Old Metal Bands- whenever they say "here's something from our new album", that STILL means "something that SUCKS is about to happen". Not too crazy about the new stuff, as it will always seem like a compliment to the older songs. I think the band started to lose the audience just a tiny bit when they went into "Wicker Man". "Wicker Man" has a decent riff and good intro, but I've always felt that the chorus falls falt ("Your time will commmmmme" kinda lame). They seemed to gain the crowd back with "The Clansman", which immediately impressed me the first time I heard it live in 1999. Maiden seems to realize that this is probably their best tune from their TurdBurger Years of 1995-1998. It was also featured quite well in their 2000 and 1999 tours and it looks they're continuing to use it as a hook. It fits in very well with the old Maiden tunes and sounds like it could have been recorded in the band's 1983-1986 peak.

During "Clansman", Bruce worked in some unflattering remarks about the security guards. In between the lines about "we can't let them take anymore" and "we're the land of the free", he complained about security not allowing people to stand in the aisles or put their girlfriends on their shoulders. Back up a bit, and Bruce had another tirade about the crowd throwing plastic beer bottles after the second tune (that's been a pet peeve of theirs for awhile, now... including an infamous bootleg from Camden, NJ in 1999 where Bruce absolutely BUTCHERS the crowd).

In order, "The Clairvoyant", "Fear of the Dark" and "Iron Maiden" closed out the set. As usual, a giant Eddie came up behind the drum kit for "Iron Maiden", wiggling his shoulders in an unintentional Paul Stanley impression. The marionette version of Eddie also came onto the stage during "Clairvoyant". I understand that Eddie is supposed to be dressed up like a king, as seen on the cover of last year's "Edward the Great" compilation CD... but he looked like Santa Claus! A somewhat shortened show, but rest assured, the dreaded Fiddler's Curfew had nothing to do with it. That's been the same amount they've played on all the stops on the current tour. They did the encore with "2 Minutes to Midnight" and "Run to the Hills" to send everybody home happy. A decent setlist and an improvement over the sub-par set from the 2000 tour. I just hope that Maiden doesn't return next year playing 10 tunes from their new album and the obligatory 5 oldies ("Wrathchild", "Number of the Beast", "Trooper", "Hallowed be they Name" and "Iron Maiden"). They have one of the most impressive music catalogs in heavy metal history and put on a decent show when they dive into it.

There were a few drawbacks, though. Chiefly, Jannick Gers is still in the band. For those unfamiliar, Gers was the replacement guitarist when Adrian Smith left in the late 80's. Smith came back to the fold in 1999, but the band was too nice to kick Gers back on the street. He must tell good jokes or something. As it is, the guy continues to butcher solos (blowing one in "Trooper", I think it was) and dances around like a bad topless dancer. He then squats down and twirls his guitar over his head like a majorette. Can't forget the SKIPPING, either. Dave Murray's always looked a little bit queer when doing his guitar solos, but he looks like Clint Frickin' Eastwood compared to Gers. You know the difference between Adrian Smith, Dave Murray and Jannick Gers? Smith and Murray are talented guitarists..... and Gers is a bloody tampon.

We also must have sat in the special Odor Zone. All night long we were bombarded by foul odors. First it was weed, then a chronic farter, and finally a pile of upchuck. We thought about tapping the farter on the shoulder, and asking him if he needed to be changed. But then declined, considering that any pressure placed on his person might elicit more odor from within.

Also, be warned that t-shirts are running at 35 bucks! Even the semi-cool "666/ 664" tanktops! They were also hawking a 75 dollar soccer jersey. The shirts contain the same graphics that have been reproduced since 1983, but kids were buying them. The backs of the shirts were poorly designed in my opinion- just a buncha words listed up there with no concern for typography.

Overall, it was a succesful night. I'd rate this concert at a "B-". Maiden seems to be getting comfortable with their roles as "legends", and you can't go wrong with Motorhead opening. Worth your 30 bucks to check them out. Even if you're a little bit curious and have never seen Iron Maiden, you should attend. If you're not careful, you might even learn something.