COMICS-TV stuff: Superfriends (Batman & Aquaman) - "The Protector"
Cuz sooner or later, you have to cover "Superfriends"
I'm known for being a chronically tardy arrival at the office, every morning for the
past five years. Doctors have said I'm still suffering post-concussion syndrome, but whatever the reason, I consistently have trouble getting out of bed each and every day. The alarm goes off at 7:15 and I don't move until almost 8. As a wee lad I never had such problems and last night I suddenly remembered WHY. In grade school I would bolt out of bed at precisely 7:00am so I wouldn't miss a minute of SUPERHERO CARTOONS. It's a tad immature, but I left one of my old cartoon tapes sitting on top of my alarm clock as I hopped into bed last night. Sure enough, the alarm goes off at 7:15 and I immediately sit up... it's time for SUPERHERO CARTOONS!
I don't know if I've mentioned them before, but my cartoon tapes are kinda like my "Rasslin Tapes"- six hours of obscure superhero junk taped over the years. I stick to exclusively Marvel or DC cartoons based on their comic books, so don't come here expecting to read about anime, Fritz the Cat or Simpsons. Well, there's the occasional GI Joe cartoon.. but those are, technically, a Marvel cartoon.
So let's get on with it. The other day I woke up to a 10 minute episode of "Superfriends" from 1977. One of the most ridiculed, yet memorable cartoons of the 70's, "Superfriends" was the second TV adaptation of DC Comics' "Justice League of America". The show ran in various formats from 1974 up until 1986 and, like Socialism, infected a wide range of people with its stupidity. "Superfriends" may also be the most scrutinized and lampooned cartoon on the Internet. The shows are easy to poke fun at and almost every cartoon or comic themed site has to have some fun with the Superfriends.
This episode is called "The Protector" and opens somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. A villain named "The Shark" is attacking luxury liners with his Immobilizer Ray! Mounted on his custom freighter, the Shark zaps
a cruise ship, rendering everybody on it ...IMMOBILE (oh, NOW I understand while it's called "Immobilizer Ray"! Hey, it's 7:15 am for me..takes awhile). With all the people onboard immobile, the Shark's thugs board the ships in their special Immoblizer Ray immunity suits and steal everyone's valuables. The suits are simply green versions of the standard animator's spaceman suit. Shark mentions that he's planning to steal enough valuables to buy his own fleet of boat...then he can protect the ocean from underwater testing and dumping. Kinda like the Sub-Mariner's old motive from 1960's Fantasic Four comics. But with the wide distribution of "Superfriends", I'm guessing Shark inspired several youngsters to grow up and waste their time with GreenPeace.
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"Really, Aquaman...we have a backseat in this thing. You can use it... please?" |
The head of the luxury line then calls the Superfriends. Now, usually the Superfriends would receive calls from people of some IMPORTANCE-- like a military general, world leader, or even a park ranger or zoo keeper (?!). But this time they're getting a call from the owner of a cruise line? I guess the Superfriends supplied their emergency video phones to all cruise owners in case they couldn't get Kathie Lee Gifford to stop singing those stupid "Carnival" commercials or something. Anyways, ALL of the Superfriends are present... but only Batman, Robin and Aquaman are sent out to respond. Which tells us that, in the eyes of the Superfriends, the Shark is really not too important..so they're sending Batman, a teenager in Peter Pan pants, and frickin' Aquaman. That's like calling 911 and having them send you a Pinkerton Security Guard.
Batman, Robin and Aquaman pile into the Batplane and fly to Metropolis Harbor to meet the cruise line owner. After a quick briefing, the heroes squeeze into the Bat-boat and head out to search for the Shark's freighter. The Shark sees them coming on radar, and fires the Immobilizer Ray. All three avoid the ray...by ducking! Oh, so the next time you're in a jet and someone fires a missile at you, just bow your head and the thing will fly over. Why doesn't anyone think of this simple evasive manuever more often?!? Nevertheless, the Shark belives he's nailed the Bat-boat with the ray, so the heroes turn off the engine and float toward the freighter.
Aquaman decides to swim over... while Batman and Robin pursue a set of Shark's thugs who
are in a speedboat heading to another paralyzed luxury liner. Robin takes out the thugs with his OWN hand-held version of the Immobilizer Ray. Huh? If the Worthless Wonder has always had a stun gun, WHY hasn't he used it before? If I have a stun-gun, I'm using IT rather than a Batarang against Bizarro. Batman and Robin then float back to the Shark's freighter... where Aquaman has STILL not arrived.
Batman and Robin arrive on the freighter and are attacked by more thugs. Batman uses a porthole to reflet their stun-guns back on them. Forget that nifty ass utlity belt he always carries, Batman needs him a porthole! Aquaman finally arrives and the Shark makes an escape on a speedboat. Aquaman takes off after him and summons two sharks to stop the boat. Shark is captured and returned to Metropolis.
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"No, it's not a shirt... I'm topless. Wearing only a cape and gloves, here" |
Aquaman then offers the MESSAGE of the episode: "There's no sense in protecting the ocean if we can't enjoy its basic pleasures". Robin is happy that they caught the Shark, because his fishing license expires at midnight. Everyone shares a WHACKY laugh as the show ends.
Funny how Shark was a supervillain with a conscience. Something you don't normally see in 1970's cartoons. It would have been nifty if some type of compromise had been worked out instead of sending Shark to jail. Maybe show Shark performing public service by cleaning a beach or helping pregnant manatees?
Also important to note that this Shark is different from the comic villain of the same name. In the comics, he was a mutated shark who fancied himself as sort of big-game hunter. This led him to search for "suitable prey" by fighting Aquaman, Green Lantern and a few others. There was also a story where he tried to boink Wonder Woman. Here he's just a guy with a fin on his head and a cape. Can't tell, but at one point it looks like he has shark teeth, to boot. He may have been inspired by his comic counterpart, but its doubtful.
Well, it got me out of bed and I was on time for work. I kept waiting to apply the VALUABLE LESSON I had learned in the office, but just couldn't find the right moment. Maybe tomorrow.
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