COMICS-Tales of the Bargain Bin: Punisher Annual #2 (June 1989)
"Knight Fight"
Writer: Mike Baron
Pencils: Bill Reinhold
Say my name, bitch! |
I've never been into the Punisher. Namely, because I like Big Dumb Superheroes with Big Dumb Superhero Fights. In the 80's,
Punisher books were selling like crazy, but I had absolutely no interest in the guy. While he debutted in the 70's
in the pages of "Amazing Spider-Man" and even had a fairly nifty costume, he seemed to be in his own "Punisher-verse"
for most of the 80's. Instead of running into Marvel's usual superhero plots, he was usually placed into plots that resembled stuff from a Chuck Norris knock-off flick. Or even a weak plot caveat leftover from the "A-Team".
Gang members, druggies, terrorists and smugglers. To me, superheroes would always run into
those types of thugs as a warm-up act for their fight with the Big Bad Supervillain. So having that as the main theme
never creamed my twinkie. I was always wanting to see Punisher team up with the guys from the Avengers, the Fantastic Four or
even Alpha Flight. I couldn't figure out why Marvel never did this.
Punisher Annual #2 kinda' answers that question. As part of the big "Atlantis Attacks" theme that ran in all the annuals,
it's a loose tie-in to the whole thing. For once, Punisher is brought out of the "Punisher-verse" and into the Marvel Universe.
The story starts out at a pet shop. Moon Knight, in his civilian guise of Marc Spector is hanging out the shop and notices
a man eat a gerbil! That's enough to spur Moon Knight's curiousity and get him on the case! I mean, if a man eating
a gerbil isn't a call for someone to jump into his outlandish costume and get to the bottom of things, I don't know what is.
Usually the hook for the hero is something like a bank robbery, alien invasion, natural disater or even the obligatory
burning building. But a guy eating a gerbil? That's trouble.
Meanwhile, Punisher busts into a junkie flat and beats up some druggies. They're moving a new drug, tied to someone named Leona Hiss.
With two degrees of separation, Moon Knight's mysterious gerbil-eater is also tied into Hiss. Thus, the two heroes meet on
a rooftop while working the case. It's a weird, yet logical moment, too. Moon Knight drops out of his helicopter and spots Punisher.
He walks up, introduces himself and they shake hands. Whoa... in the world of comics, where two heroes always beat the crap out
of each other in some misunderstanding before the eventual team-up, this is a huge rarity.
Since Moon Knight was a pastiche for Batman, the rest of the story plays out like a late 80's fanboy's wet-dream: a
Punisher/Batman team-up. They track the drug ring and the gerbil-eater to Leona Hiss's mansion. Populated by
armed snake-men, Hiss is trying to distribute a drug that turns normal losers into reptilian losers. Hiss is even
revealed to be a pseduonym for the Viper.
This is where things get weirder: Viper is running around the mansion, cracking her bullwhip and demanding
the snake-men all call her "Madame Viper". Okay, so there's a hot broad in skin-tight leather with a whip,
ordering men to say her name. Uh huh... I sense some issues in the creative team. While I don't share the
subconscious S&M fixation, I have to admit that Viper is probably Marvel's smokingest villainess. She's not rendered
too well here, but she's probably
high on my list of "Supervillain Chicks I'd Have a Tough Time Fighting". Anaconda or Moonstone? They're getting zapped.
Viper? Rarrrr. I'd have to sit down for awhile before I zapped her. I can type that without sounding too
juvenile, can't I?
Right...back to Punisher and Moon Knight. They storm the mansion and take out all the snake-men. We're constantly reminded
that snakes are cold-blooded and since it's nighttime, they're not moving too fast and are easy pickins' for the heroes. Viper executes a flying head-scossors on Punisher and injects him with the snake-drug! Things get even weirder: Punny goes into
a rage and quotes Arthur Brown! He picks up his machine gun, begins blasting eveyrone and hollers "I am the god of hellfire and I bring you.."
Fire! Do-do-dooo-doooo |
Luckily, Moon Knight happened to bring along his De-Hypnotizing/Snake Drug Antidote throwing stars. He shines them in Punisher's
face and is able to subdue him. Viper escapes in all the fuss, via a conveinent rocketship, out back. The cops arrive, while Moon Knight
and Punisher fly away. Punisher sleeps off the snake-drug in Marc Spector's mansion for two days, before waking up, thanking
Spector and leaving.
Sooo...what the heck did they accomplish? They busted up a mansion, wasted a buncha' druggies
and let Viper escape. Both guys seemed content with the outing, though. I guess they got the snake-drug off the streets, but
you'd have to No-Prize up an explanation for that. Just didn't work... and I can see why Punisher was kept in his own
corner. While he did play well with the others kids, it seemed awkward to have Punisher shoot up (and kill) a buncha'
druggies, while Moon Knight leapt around the mansion. Thanks for dropping by, Punny. See you next company-wide crossover!
But that's not all! You also get TWO back-up features and some shitty pin-ups! The first back-up focusses on Punisher's pal, Microchip
and his efforts to save his favorite Vietnamese restaurant from extortion. Chip's just as calculating as the Punisher, if not as flashy.
One example: he uses a trusty bulletproof briefcase to hide behind the bad guys' barrage. The second story is a complete
waste, as it's entitled "Punisher's Fighting Techniques". It's nothing but 8 pages of Punisher punching and kicking people, with
inane dialogue. It's drawn by Jim Lee, who was still a year or two away from super-stardom.
The book closes out with another installment of "The Saga of the Serpent Crown". A continuing "continuity porn" piece that
ran in all the Atlantis Attacks annuals. This episode covers
the knock-off Cobra Crown and how it was used by Thoth-Amon to fight Conan and his buddies. Crom!
There's also a connection to the Egyptian villain, Set/Seth, who would pop-up to battle Thor every so often.
While the Serpent Crown was pertinent to the Atlantis Attacks crossover, it has nothing to do with the Punisher.
In fact, Conan, The Cobra Crown and Seth had nothing to do with it, either! Ehh.. this was probably just a
continuity freak's labor of love.
Weird book and one that you can find cheap, just about anywhere. I actually tried selling one on eBay a few months ago.
If you were one of the 8 people who viewed my auction, have re-considered and would like to buy it, look me up! This is
definitely some unexpected, off-the-wall stuff.
Summary: Punisher and a Batman rip-off team up to fight gerbil-eaters and a dominatrix. Microchip gets
some Vietnamese food. Plus, Conan and a non-sequitur reference to Arthur Brown!
Cover Price: 2.00
Rating: .75
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