Brainiac Super Powers Mini-Comic
Since we recently spotlighted Lex Luthor's mini-comic, it seems natural to continue down the path and cover Lex's erstwhile buddy, Brainiac.
Again, this was a mini-comic that came packaged with the Brainiac Super Powers action figure. This figure was probably my favorite
of the entire line. It wasn't the old, bald guy Brainiac with no pants and a "necklace that didn't fit" on top of his head, this was the
shiny metallic Terminator-looking Brainiac!
I picked up the Super Powers figures as novelties, but Brainy soon found his way into the GI Joe stories of my late youth. He was just too spiffy
to ignore. I used him as an unstoppable Terminator/Ultron/Super-B.A.T countless times. Plus, his hands were molded in such a way
that he could easily grasp a hapless Joe or Cobra figure by the neck! Sweet!
He had a lame "power action", where you'd squeeze his arms and he would...kick. I mean, I always remember Brainiac kicking! This
squeezy "power action" caused the figure's right arm to fall off at the shoulder, alot. But it was easily re-attached so you could resume
his Awesome Bonus Choking Person Power Action! For added effect, I'd have Brainy's arm fall off, then
have him pick it up and use it as a club! Sweet! This was another Bonus Power Action: Severed Arm Whacking Attack!
No way they could've advertised THAT on the box!
The mini-comic was just gravy. The story starts off inside the Pentagon, where the Army's missiles have suddenly disappeared from
their "computer tracking". While in Gotham City, a commercial airliner's computer has gone blank, causing the plane to plummet.
Batman's on the scene...so he quickly does what any upstanding superhero and protector of the weak would do:
he calls Superman and tells him to fly his Kryptonian butt to Gotham and save the plane. He does.
Batman then notices that two "computer controlled" subway cars are about to crash. He tells Superman to stop 'em. He does.
Brainiac's metallic skull ship then appears in the sky and mocks the heroes. His ultimatum: he'll keep controlling computer
systems, until he's declared Master of the Earth! That's apparently an official title in old school comic-land. He's also one-upping Lex Luthor. Luthor just wanted to be President, but Brainy wants to be Master of the Earth. A robot with ambition! Brainiac then
sets off explosion all over Gotham. Batman, being the protector of the city and all, tells SUPERMAN to save all the people and stop the fires.
He does.
Great, thanks for suiting up, Batman. Next time we need help, we'll give you a buzz...hopefully your worthless rear-end can call
Superman for us and tell HIM what to do. Masked Manhunter, Dark Knight Detective my ass!
But wait..what's this? Batman returns to the Batcave and figures out a Genius Plan. He then flies out in the Bat-copter and leaps onto
Brainiac's ship. During his descent, he makes a joke about "Bat-Pancakes".
Has to time it just right! I mean, he's only leaped out of skyscrapers countless times, has a grappling cable and a glider-cape.
Bats makes it into Brainy's ship (guess there was no "computer-controlled" security system) and does a little tango with
the android. Brainiac mocks Bats for having no super-powers and being a regular joe, then manages to perform his awkward Power Kick Power Action move!
But Brainiac quickly collapses! Batman reveals his simple plan-- magnets wipe out computers, so he had his Bat-suit charged with an electromagentic charge. Yay! But what about those missiles the Army had launched in the first panel? We're never told. I'm sure Batman simply told Superman to go catch 'em. Again.
Inherently, this is a quick n' dirty "World's Finest" team-up: Batman and Superman work in tandem (sorta') to best Brainiac. Sure, it's a stupid diddy written for kids, but the old Bats/Supes team makes it fun. They usually had a little twist to their team-ups, and in this case it was the apparent worthlessness of Batman. Brainiac took a backseat in what was supposed to be his spotlight story, but it's a harmless fluffy romp.
Now, if Brainiac had ripped off his own arm and choked someone, this would have rocked!
Summary: Batman tells Superman what to do. Brainiac gets whipped by a magnetic Bat-suit.
Cover price: n/a
Rating: 1.00
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