Another easy one. Again, reaching into the "Wrestler" vs. "Comic Book Hero" bag.
Recently, WWF wrestler Kurt Angle has been referring to himself as an All-American "superhero".
A former Olympian, Angle consistently comes to the ring in red-white and blue attire.
The WWF markets a t-shirt for Angle. One that features a white star in the middle of the
chest... verrrry similar to Captain America's famous costume. So, how would
YOUR Olympic Hero stack up against the Living Legend of World War II?
An analytical
breakdown follows:
 |
 |
| Tale o' the Tape- Captain America vs. Kurt Angle |
|
Captain America |
Kurt Angle |
Advantage |
Theme Song |
"when Captain America throws his might shielllld..." |
Leftover entrance theme from The Patriot's run in the WWF |
Capt. America |
Number of flopped movies |
1- (1990's "Captain America") |
0 |
Capt. America |
Former Sidekicks |
Bucky, Falcon, Bucky II, Nomad, Diamondback |
Edge and Christian |
Capt. America |
Imposters |
The Patriot, Spirit of 76, US Agent |
Eric Angle |
Capt. America |
Motivation |
To defend America and preserve Bucky's memory |
To win the WWF title and drink milk |
Capt. America |
Championship belts won |
0 |
3 |
Kurt Angle |
Had the hots for |
Sharon Carter and Diamondback |
Stephanie McMahon |
Capt. America |
Number of times beaten by Batman |
1 |
0 |
Kurt Angle |
Props/equipment carried |
Adamantium prototype shield |
Gold Medals from the 96 Olympics |
Capt. America |
Arch Enemies |
Red Skull, Baron Zemo |
Stone Cold Steve Austin, Chris Benoit |
Capt. America |
Lamest Enemy |
Batroc |
Tazz |
Kurt Angle |
Number of times frozen in ice |
1 |
0 |
Capt. America |
Teams led |
Avengers, Thunderbolt Redeemers, Invaders |
rejected for WWF "leadership" during the inVasion storyline |
Capt. America |
Lamest/funniest moment |
Responding to calls from Cap's Hotline. Date with Diamondback.
Left Avengers to train a boxer in
Avengers #24 |
"Yippee-ki-yay.. mother hubbard" |
Kurt Angle |
Boss |
US President (currently a dumb Republican) |
Vince McMahon |
PUSH |
Costume |
Chainmail body suit, red gloves and boots, mask with wings, shield |
red, white, blue wrestling singlet |
Capt. America |
Signature moves |
Tossing his shield |
Angle Slam. Ankle lock submission. Moonsault. |
Kurt Angle |
Final score: a 11-5-1 bludegeoning for Captain America. Oh, it's true, it's true!
This "match" would be a "Thor's Hammer on
a Pole" match. After several minutes of fighting, Angle hits Cap with the Angle Slam and then
tries to ascend the pole and pick up Thor's hammer. Being unworthy to wield the hammer,
Angle whines in frustration, until Cap (being the only mortal
worthy enough to carry the hammer) picks the thing up and brains him with it. Of course,
how Thor's supposedly un-liftable Uru Hammer ever got up on the pole is a good question...
